10 Powerful Lessons From 4 Years of Sobriety

Alcohol can be like a friend who always borrows money but never pays you back.

You think you need them around. That they’re funny and chilled. But really they’re using you.

I’ve had a complicated relationship with alcohol, until eventually I quit. Here’s what finally giving up taught me.

#1. It’s Easier Than I Thought

I used to plan my life around alcohol.

I remember sitting in a chiropractor back in 2007. Booking my follow up appointment, I picked the only day that I could guarantee I wouldn’t be hungover from nights out. Sure, I was at university at the time. But still. It’s funny that this kind of consideration didn’t seem odd, it in fact seemed normal. And it would remain so for the next decade.

I couldn’t imagine a life without alcohol. Everything seemed to revolve around it. It’s so insidious because it’s so routine. You don’t realise it, but alcohol can become the background to so many experiences that you forget it’s possible to have fun without it.

The first night out after quitting, I expected to be bored, nervous, and thirsty. In the end I had as much fun as normal. The only difference? I woke up the next day at a normal time and got a whole bonus day.

Suddenly I had almost double the time.

#2. … but Be Careful What You Do With the New Time

I’ve got one of those addictive personalities. So the space I managed to open up with the removal of alcohol was quickly filled by anything else that gave me escape.

Video games.

Smoking.

Scrolling in social media infinity pools.

It’s almost like I’d been stuck inside on sunny days for so many years that when I finally stepped outside I was blinded. But your eyes adjust, if you let them. Start with a squint. Build from there.

Eventually I found a balance, and now I’m able to fill that time with things that benefit me.

Learn from my mistakes and plan this in advance so you’re not caught off guard like I was.

#3. There’s Always More Going On Than Meets The Eye

I was never really drinking alcohol for the sake of it. It was more of a ‘cure all’ for a bunch of different things that everyone is dealing with in their own exclusive way.

We all carry unresolved issues. And alcohol presents itself like a cheat code. But it’s duct tape on a bullet wound. It’s a facade. It just turns you into the ‘this is fine’ meme for a few hours.

But when it wears off, what are you left with? The same issues. The same you. Just hungover and miserable.

So quitting suddenly left me starting on a long road to understanding myself. It has meant vulnerability, brutal honesty, and humility. But I don’t regret a thing. Because I can’t fix what I don’t know.

#4. Time Is a Big Win

The first thing I noticed is how much more time I had. Nothing beats waking up on Sunday around 8am with a clear head, ready to get a full day of fun.

Fill that time with things that enrich you.

Paint. Journal. Write. Join a club. Train.

It’s amazing what you’ll have time for when you’re not medicating yourself through escape.

#5. A Lot More People Want to Quit Than I Realised

Since I quit drinking I’ve lost count of the amount of other people who’ve let me know they’ve always wanted to do a similar thing.

I feel like a lot of people get stuck in the habit because society optimises interaction around it. But as being sober becomes normalised, more people will feel comfortable to abstain, even if only temporarily.

You don’t need to go all out. If you want to do it, give it a try. No pressure. You can always drink later. But why not get to know a sober you for a minute?

#6. Some Friendships Are Based on Nothing More Than Habits

We have drinking friends. We have party friends. We have hobby friends.

It’s completely normal and I’m not trying to shame anyone. But when you stop drinking, you’re going to find it hard to relate to some of these people. And that’s not a reflection on you or them. It’s just a consequence of the reality that your main shared hobby was getting sh*tfaced.

New adventures means new connections. Maybe your new best friend is waiting around the corner.

#7. You Don’t Need to Be an Alcoholic for Alcohol to Be Problematic

“I don’t have an alcohol problem because alcohol isn’t a problem. I still go to work. I pay my bills. I’m not getting arrested. I’m all good. I just like to blow off a little steam.”

This is what a good friend of mine used to say. And to be fair to him, it’s how we all used to sound. Because where I come from, that’s the standard. As long as you function, you’re fine.

People with an alcohol problem are assumed to be shaky wrecks who can’t hold down a job and end up homeless. So as long as you don’t look like that, you’re good.

But it’s on a spectrum. There are shades. Tones. So don’t wait for it to become a huge problem. If your relationship with alcohol is becoming complicated, that’s a sign you might need a break.

I look back now and realise the signs were all there. Maybe it’s the same for you.

#8. It’s Not the Same For Everyone

Some people will find it incredibly hard to quit. This is a feature, not a bug. It might be your hydra. The boss you need to defeat to unlock the next level of yourself.

For me it was only easy when I was ready. I’m lucky. One day I just woke up and was like, ‘That’s it, enough!’

Up until that point, the thought of quitting had felt like something I needed to do but was afraid of. It sounds stupid now, but for a long time alcohol was actually more of a hobby than anything else. I liked making cocktails. I liked trying new beers. I liked going to new bars.

Your experience might be completely different. Whatever makes you consider quitting, think about how to make things easier for yourself.

#9. Alcohol Changes Who You Are (And Shields You From Some of the Best Moments)

I’ve had all the crazy nights out I need. Trust me.

So after a while I was just reliving the same events again and again. In the end I was asking myself ‘why?’ and not liking the answers.

The truth is, some of my favourite stories are nights I was out getting completely tuna-fished. The problem is I was drunk and so the details are hazy. This leaves me with two thoughts: how many other great nights did I just forget? And how much of my ‘amazing nights’ are actually fabrications?

Cool shit still happens when I go out sober. The difference is I remember.

#10. You Can Still Go Out

I imagined that once I quit alcohol I’d never see anyone as they’d stop inviting me. But it was the opposite. People wanted to see me more, and were more inclined to be up for things that weren’t based around drinking.

And even events with booze weren’t a problem. It was actually a huge advantage recently to be a sober best man on my friend’s stag do. I was running around like a field medic, keeping everyone on point and making sure the good stories didn’t get forgotten.

Change your mindset; change your life.

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Closing Thoughts

Alcohol is not a bogeyman. A lot of people hide behind it as an excuse or a crutch, and never take on the real issues in their life.

Most of my friends drink. I don’t care. It’s the right choice for me to not drink. Maybe I will in the future. Who knows. But right now I’m in a phase of my life where I want a clear head so I can learn, train, build, and grow. I can’t let anything into my life that will derail that.

So go out. Have your drinks. Have some fun.

But just remember that until you’ve tried life without it, you’ll never really know what it feels like and if you’re capable of more.

Some people are fine with that and live happy, healthy lives.

But for me it was a scratch I had to itch.

Whatever your story, whatever your background, whatever your lifestyle, I hope you’re honest with yourself about what you want and who you are.

Because you’re probably pretty awesome, and owe it to yourself to make the most of that.

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