I have a lot of experience in relationships, ranging from abusive to true love. Whilst I wouldn’t wish some of my experiences on anyone, I would love for everyone to be experiencing what I am now.
My husband and I both experienced unhealthy relationships. I believe this has enabled us to be more appreciative of each other because we both know how bad it can be.
This appreciation prevents us from taking little things for granted, but as time goes on, I realise that these things make a healthy relationship and should therefore be expected.
If you have yet to experience a healthy, loving relationship, you may look at these little things and see them as big things or cringeworthy. This may scare you off because your past unhealthy relationship/s has left you feeling unworthy of love and attention.
However, these little things are normal, they are not too good to be true, and you deserve to be valued and treated with respect.
And remember, this works both ways!
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#1: Listening To Your Opinions
Being able to express your opinions and have them listened to and considered is a sign that you are with someone who values and respects your point of view.
Find your voice; the right partner will listen. You no longer have to keep quiet.
#2: Supporting Your Dreams
If your partner provides unwavering support for your projects and hobbies, even taking an active role in them, they can put themselves on hold for a short while and focus on your desires. This shows generosity and a desire for your happiness.
Dream big and allow your partner to support you. You no longer have to do it on your own.
#3: They Choose You
Even though you enjoy time apart and doing your own things, you will always be first on their list. You know that they have your back and will always be there.
Accept the place at the top of their list. You are no longer a last resort.
#4: They Are Interested in Your Interests
If your partner tries out things you are interested in, even though they have no interest in it themselves, it shows that your feelings are important to them. They want to join you because they know this is important to you.
Welcome and appreciate their involvement. Your interests are no longer being disregarded.
#5: Your Happiness Is Important
You being happy makes them happy. This doesn’t mean they are a doormat. They believe you are just as important as they are, so your happiness matters to them.
Believe that you deserve happiness. Your feelings are no longer unimportant.
#6: You Feel Comfortable Saying No
If there is something you really do not want to do, you can tell them without fear of being criticised, disregarded or punished. Your partner recognises that you are both individuals and respects your decisions.
Accept your right to say no. You are no longer in danger of getting hurt.
#7: They Make An Effort
Whether getting dressed for a date night, surprising you with something or cooking dinner, they are trying to show you that you matter. You are worth their time and attention, and you deserve it.
Enjoy the efforts they go to. You are no longer being ignored.
#8: They Use Their Love Language
We all have a way of showing our love. Mine is through food — cooking a nice meal, treating them to a cake or booking a restaurant to eat out. It is also through touch, just a random stroke of the arm or holding hands.
These little things, such as running you a bath, stroking your hair, giving you some money before you head off on a night out without them, and surprising you with a gift, are ways of showing their love for you.
Let them love you. You are no longer seen as unlovable.
#9: Your Freedom is Encouraged
If you decide you want to go out, you know your partner will deal with the kids, animals or anything else that may get in the way. They want you to go out and have a good time.
Make plans that do not include your partner. You no longer need to check if it’s ok.
#10: They Check IN On You
They don’t check up on you. A quick text or call to say hey, how’s your day going shows that they are thinking about you. They are interested in how you are getting on and feeling.
Recognise the difference between checking in on you and checking up on you. You no longer accept being checked up on.
I love you, scratched into the wood of a fence.
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Why are all these little things so important in a relationship?
A healthy relationship enables you to be the best version of yourselves. These little things help build you up and set you free.
Your confidence will grow, and you will believe you are worthy of love and happiness. You will expect respect and consideration.
You will feel free to do as you choose and speak your mind. You are free to love and be loved.
As you let yourself thrive within this healthy relationship, remain aware of these subtle signs of love, appreciation and respect, and cherish them. It will encourage more of this type of mutual behaviour and make you both feel safe, secure and content.
I know how scary it can be to start a new relationship when your past has been littered with pain, disappointment and mistrust. Pay attention to the little things they do, not the big grand gestures and declarations. Anyone can tell you they love you; not everyone can show you.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Everton Vila on Unsplash