When you enter into a relationship, whether romantic or platonic, you expect it to bring you happiness. Most people do not enter into relationships expecting to be unhappy, right?
Unfortunately, there are many unhealthy relationships in the world. In fact, you could call them toxic.
Consider the word “toxic.” It is a poisonous word. It means harmful to your health. Hazardous. It has the potential to be lethal.
We usually use that term to describe things other than people that could kill us — rat poison, hard drugs, too much alcohol or smoking, unhealthy eating, carbon monoxide, and so on. You get the idea.
People and relationships, on the other hand, can be just as hazardous to your health as any of the aforementioned substances. The problem is that identifying toxicity in a person is more difficult.
Some people grew up in dysfunctional families. There could have been verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. It’s still an unhealthy and toxic environment to grow up in, whether it’s between parents or between the parent(s) and children.
If someone comes from a family like this, they may not even realize they are in a toxic relationship.
Here are 11 signs that your relationship is toxic.
1. THE FIRST GIVES, THE SECOND TAKES
Relationships that are one-sided are never healthy. In a toxic relationship (especially one that is romantic), you will frequently encounter a narcissist/people-pleaser dynamic.
Someone gives and gives and gives in the hopes of making the narcissist happy, but it never works. They just take and take and take, and the relationship becomes far too lopsided and unhealthy as a result.
2. GASLIGHTING
Another common feature of a toxic relationship is gaslighting. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, it refers to when someone manipulates another person to the point where that person begins to doubt their own sanity.
For example, perhaps you and your significant other agreed to go to the zoo on Sunday the last time you saw each other. When you bring it up later to confirm your plans, the person responds, “I never said I wanted to go to the zoo. I don’t even like going to the zoo.” It makes the other person question themselves. This can become toxic in a relationship if it becomes a habit.
3. LACK OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
If one or both people are constantly blaming the other person for everything, this is a sure sign of a toxic relationship.
“It takes two to tango,” as the saying goes. Both parties are responsible for their own actions, and neither can “force” you to do anything. As a result, acting as a victim of the other person’s actions is counterproductive and leads to an unhealthy relationship.
4. LACK OF TRUST
There will be little trust in a toxic relationship. It’s possible that neither party trusts the other, or that it’s one-sided. In either case, the lack of trust poisons the relationship.
Any relationship should be built on the foundation of trust. It’s like trying to build a house on quicksand without it. It’s never going to work!
5. ALWAYS WALKING ON EGGSHELLS
Maybe it feels like you never know when the other person will blow up. There may be raging tempers, and you may feel compelled to tread carefully around the person so that they do not become enraged.
6. DISRESPECT
Disrespect manifests itself in a variety of ways. It could be verbal, like “You’re stupid!” You’re a moron! You’ll never amount to much in life!” It could also be emotional: “I never loved you!” Nobody cares about you! You’re completely unlovable!” It could also be physical.
In a healthy relationship, any time a hand is laid on another person in anger or unloving words are spoken, it is disrespectful and ultimately unacceptable.
7. LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Neither of them understands how to communicate effectively. This can take many forms. It could be a complete withdrawal, resulting in a lack of communication. Alternatively, it could take the form of yelling, screaming, and name-calling (which is technically communication, but horribly ineffective).
8. WITHDRAWAL
We frequently associate toxic relationships with being argumentative, abusive, or intense on some other level. They can, however, be stagnant and avoidant. If one or both people withdraw from the relationship and do not connect with the other person, the relationship can become toxic as well — especially if this continues for an extended period of time.
9. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
Perhaps one person does not want the other to go out with friends, visit family, or do anything else without them. Perhaps they should use an app to track their every move so they know where they are. They could even dictate what they wore and ate. This type of controlling behavior is a key component of a toxic relationship.
10. ONGOING CRITICISM
One or both people are constantly criticizing the other person for anything and everything. It could be their appearance, intelligence, motivation, job, weight, education, or anything else. If you are constantly receiving criticism, you are in a toxic relationship.
11. LOW SELF-WORTH AND SELF-ESTEEM
All of the above-mentioned toxic relationship characteristics inevitably lead to low self-esteem and self-worth. Anyone would feel bad about themselves if they were constantly criticized, controlled, disrespected, blamed, and sucked dry of their efforts. Relationships should make you feel good about yourself rather than bad about yourself.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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