Single, partnered or married, any romantically inclined outing can use some pre-party. Here are some delicious ways to feel your best before heading out:
Play Music
While you’re getting ready or driving to your destination, put on some tunes. Music has a way of setting a tone and altering moods. Play something that puts you in the right state of mind. Everyone has their own version of it (I tend to go for female powerhouses pre-date, but you do you). Better yet, sing or play along with whatever floats your musical boat. Let it out, get your karaoke on solo style, and sure, walk that catwalk to the beat down the hall or do a quick salsa move around the kitchen counter. Let the music move you, straight into a fun and confident attitude that starts a date off right.
Put on Great Underwear
This is not to say you’re going to get busy. This is about knowing it’s there and how that knowledge plays out. It’s so that you feel sexy. Imagine it’s your superperson disguise telling secrets under your clothing giving you that fun edge of mystery. And hey, if disrobing is on the itinerary, you’re prepared.
Groom
If you don’t have time to freshen up at home, find a way to at least make sure you don’t stink, don’t have cilantro in your teeth and fix any smudges and stains in weird places. Zip your fly. Pop a mint if you can’t brush your teeth. Throw some spit on your unruly eyebrows for a sec. Take a quick look at your fingernails. By five o’clock, I usually have something that needs a little touch-up. When I take a moment to freshen up and tame my frizz, I have a little more pep in my step knowing I don’t look like I just rolled out of bed, crawled through a dumpster and fell into a quarry before making it to the date.
By the same token — don’t overdo it. Perfumes and colognes should be subtle and hair product shouldn’t leave stains on chairs. No need to be a supermodel, just look and smell neutral for a great intro.
Plan Logistics
Prepare a few things so you can relax and focus on getting your vibe in check. Choose your date logistics wisely according to what makes sense for your life. Are you always late? Set an alarm for your leave time. Or two alarms — one for your leave time and one for five minutes before your leave time (you know who you are). Have you thought about traffic and commute time? Parking? Valet? Maybe you should Uber if you plan on drinking? How much you can spend if you’re on a budget? Part of your pre-game strategy should include some planning so you’re not stressing last minute. It doesn’t mean you can’t be spontaneous or need to have an itemized itinerary, but avoiding looking like a disaster is a good thing.
Work Your Curiosity Muscle
Have a solid think about what you’re curious about with this person, or if it’s your partner or spouse, what new facets you could discover about them. If you’re going on a first date, this is not permission to stalk the person on the internet for an hour. Take a few things you know and go down the rabbit hole of what you are genuinely curious to know more about. How does their world connect to yours in any way? What could they teach you? What fun stories could they tell? Get those Q&A juices flowing!
Wear Something New
This doesn’t have to be a major piece of clothing, although that can be fun too. It could be a new hair style. A fresh coat of nail polish. A new beard oil. A new pair of socks peeking out from your trousers. Doing something a little new for you is a great way to reinvent something for the moment. Every time we open ourselves to change we invite people to see a different side of us. It’s a healthy practice to try and switch things up sometimes. Even with a long time partner, it’s fun to keep some surprises going. Give ’em something fun and new to notice.
Do Something Physical
Moving your body around is only ever a good thing. It invites your brain, your muscles, your breath, your heart, your hormones, your posture to wake up. Even within the confines of your car, you can bop around in your seat to some music, moving your shoulders around, stretch your neck out a little, open up your jaw like a yawning cat. If you have some time at home, a good plank or some gentle stretches that open up your legs and and back are particularly connected to your hormones and might help light some fire. A lot of folks find it helpful to get some hard exercise in to tame nerves or feel some physical prowess. If you have a nagging injury, it might be wise to do some of those PT exercises your doc recommended so nothing flares up to ruin your good time. In any case, move that booty around in some way if you can.
Come up With a Wild Card
True story, I have a pretty solid history of bad date luck. The restaurant is closed for a private event, the car got broken into, the weather decided to spaz out unpredictably — I’ve had some doozies. I learned my lesson to alway have some fun alternative plans in mind in case something goes awry or you want to continue the date beyond what was planned. A great tip is to think about a place you could take someone they might never have been just to see something and chat in a way that’s related to a story from your past. Think of a few things you could suggest that might be cool add-ons or save the day if you forgot to make reservations and the wait time is two hours. You might find the alternative options to a simple dinner are actually the key to an unforgettable night.
Tie Up Loose Ends For a True Electronics Break
Do whatever you can to avoid needing to look at your phone unnecessarily during a date. Checking information related to the date or sharing a funny photo is great! But if work emails can be addressed prior or notification settings need to be adjusted, do it. Avoid the need to respond to those funny group texts or get distracted by the stats on the game you’re missing. You can catch up later. If the date is less important than those things, don’t go on the date. Just date your screen.
There are times when we cannot ignore a work or family emergency. If that’s the case, let your date know from the start that you may need to check email a few times but assure them you are excited to be there. I’ve had to do that and it’s much appreciated when you give them some preparation and they’re not suspecting it’s you trying to avoid the date or find an out.
Don’t Overcaffeinate
Being jittery and anxious with no choice but to wait it out is hell. If you need an energy boost, be careful not to overdo it. Water is boring but it’s a great way to prep for a date, especially if you’ll be drinking alcohol. Plus, coffee breath is not the sexiest.
Don’t Get Drunk or High Beforehand
If you like to drink, save the majority of it for the date and feel out where both of your limits are. The same goes for other body/mind altering substances. Be judicious. It can look cowardly and disrespectful to show up loaded. If being yourself is that crippling, I might recommend some therapy first. If doing that together is your thing, have at it, but consider that a neutral you is a great starting point before experimentation.
Don’t Undernourish
Do not starve yourself for the unnoticeably flatter stomach you think you’ll have for a date. Dumb. It’s also quite noisy with the stomach grumbles. Even dumber? Feeling like you might pass out when you should be totally enraptured with this person. I might not recommend eating a gigantic, coma-inducing meal right beforehand either, just stick to a normal eating schedule and remember that no one can change their body in a day. Might as well be good to your blood sugar.
Clean Up or Organize Something
This might not work for everyone, but if you’re like me and cleaning makes you feel accomplished and productive during chaotic times, tidy something up before leaving. It’s like you checked something off your list and you can revel in knowing your sweater pile was tackled and that space in your brain is now unoccupied and ready for enjoyment.
Tell a Friend
If you have a supportive friend or two that likes to encourage you in your dating life, let them know what’s up! Getting some fans in the stands never hurt a date. They’ll celebrate your wins and boo your losses like a true pal should. They’re also great at getting those curiosity questions going and pointing out things you might want to explore.
Breathe
Lastly, take some big, deep breaths and let anxiety go on the exhales. Pre-date jitters are totally normal, especially if you’re new to it or have been out of the game a while. Breathing is so underrated and the oxygen you breathe affects every single part of your body. Let it in and let it out. Steady your mind. Allow yourself to smile and feel the calm it brings. Everyone from the kindergartener to the olympian to your great great grandma can benefit from some deep breaths. Just writing this reminded me to take one right now.
Now go forth, and get going on that date. Your second alarm just went off.
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Previously Published on medium
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