Men are brave, strong, conquerors, dragon slayers, and creatures of habit. Every now and then we fall off of our white horses, and develop kinks in our armor when forced out of our comfort zones. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that some men develop irrational fears when interacting with attractive women. Especially, when you’ve been in a relationship with the same person for an extended period. Getting back into the game can be very intimidating and anxiety-ridden until you learn how to play the game. It’s not as difficult as one would think.
№1 Fear of Rejection
First and foremost, the fear of rejection is a real thing that affects the lives of millions, not just men. However, when it comes to dating, the fear is still real, but in fact irrational. Potentially, having a woman tell you no, that she is not interested is somewhat of a phobia. What makes this fear irrational is that, besides someone’s fragile ego, being rejected by a woman is unlikely to cause you real harm.
No one really likes getting rejected, but like most men that have overcome this fear, you learn to roll with the punches. For me, everything changed the moment I stopped caring if a woman was interested or not. I had no expectations, if she was interested, great, if not, great. My intention wasn’t to get in their pants or to see them naked, but I was truly interested in who they were. As cheesy as it sounds, there are truly some women who aren’t worth your time and the faster you eliminate these women from your dating pool, the better off you will be.
Trust me! Quality over quantity.
№2 Fear of Losing Her
A lot of men struggle with this fear and possibly aren’t even aware of it. The fear of losing a woman is another irrational fear, that can keep good men stuck in horrible relationships. It’s a lack mentality that is damaging to your self-esteem and confidence. How so? Look at it this way, women are well aware of the moment the power dynamic shifts. Even if you’re with a good woman, the relationship will change and your fear of losing her will eat away at the attraction that sparked her initial interest.
It’s human nature to try harder when you feel that something slipping away. Some people buy more gifts, flood their woman with sweet messages, try and swoop her off of her feet. These tactics sound great in theory, but given my experience, the harder you push and harder they pull away, and in some cases, you end up pushing them away. It’s always best to try and understand what the hell is actually going on in your relationship, what caused the breakdown in the first place. You can’t fix what you don’t understand and it’s a horrible practice to pretend to ‘know’ her so well that you can read her mind. You can’t, so stop pretending, better yet, don’t even try.
It’s a blessing to have a woman walk out of your life on her own accord. You may never know the damage she was capable of causing. If she wants to leave, let her go. Work on yourself, and make room for a woman who truly wants to be with you.
№3 The Possibility of Sex
Women have this one… Um, they understand how deep this irrational fear goes and the force it has on driving a man’s motivation to please. Like a little hungry, horny puppy, men have done so many dumb things for the possibility of sex. Don’t get it confused with solicitation, men have this nasty habit of romanticizing and fantasizing about almost every interaction with a woman. No, this is not connected to the ‘Laws of Attraction,’ even though there are ways to connect the two. I have a little success with this, but I am a patient man, not driven or controlled by sex, and you realize that some people are not as you would’ve expected.
This irrational fear taps into the very primal fear of lack, the fear of going without. This is a real fear, for starving people, but not for men going through a dry spell or afraid of having to go without sex. What men should understand is that ever since the day you lost your virginity, you’ve been wired for sex. It’s like a drug, and the ‘P’ is such a powerful one, easy to become addicted to, but like most addictions, you must break it.
Women are amazing human beings, beautiful creatures. Like men, they learn to use the tools that they have to achieve a goal or purpose. The possibility of sex doesn’t solely apply to women, some men have been successful with this. Doesn’t make it right, when it’s used to control or take advantage of another person.
The lesson here, we all have sexual urges and needs, dating can be daunting and stressful, but when you eliminate all the noise, pick-up advice, and expectations dating can be fun and exciting. Even when you are jumping back into the pool after a lengthy hiatus. Most importantly, take the time to get to know yourself, your wants, desires, and understand what it is you’re really wanting to get out of meeting women. If it’s sex, a relationship, nothing serious… be honest, be bold, be intentional, be a gentleman, and most importantly be yourself.
What are some fears that you have dealt with or are currently experiencing when dating? Comment below…
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Previously Published on medium
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