3 Red Flags Women Scout for When Meeting a Guy, and How Men Can Avoid Them

Some things will never change. Certain behaviours are hard-coded into our biology. No matter what’s the agenda these days. Hate it. Love it. Ignore reality entirely if you wish. But these things turn women off in a second (read all the life lessons I learned in my free ebook here)

#1 Neediness

The mother of all red flags. When a guy comes off as needy, he destroys every chance he’s got. It doesn’t matter if you’re hot, rich, or some Hollywood star.

Needines repels women. They can sense it from a mile away.

In her eyes, it’s the opposite of a strong male who navigates his life. It also puts way too much pressure on the girl. She feels like you expect things from her, which ruins everything.

I was kinda needy until the age of 25. Not the classic neediness, but still. I needed to prove to myself I could get laid. The need for self-validation bled into every interaction I had. And I always ruined things for myself.

It’s like shooting yourself in the foot with a shotgun, then doing it again the next week as if nothing happened.

How to demolish every bit of neediness you have:

Work on building a life you’re proud of. You need a goal. Some “mission” you strive to achieve. It doesn’t have to be a billion-dollar business.

Maybe you want to lose weight or get shredded. Perhaps you want to leave your mom’s house and need a better-paying job. Or maybe there’s an issue you’ve been putting off for a while- something you need to work on.

Set a goal and work to achieve it. It will shift your focus toward YOU. It’ll make you excited when you wake up in the morning. And that’s exactly what you want- a life you like living, which you’re happy to share with others.

Women can tell when you have something going on for yourself. Keep moving forward, and your needy vibe will disappear.

#2 Low-self esteem

This usually goes hand in hand with neediness. I used to have many issues with myself. I didn’t feel much self-love.

I fucked up with girls, with my career and friends, and I dwelled on every mistake. I couldn’t give myself some credit for trying, at least.

Low self-esteem tends to work in a downward spiral. It reinforces itself. Something negative happens, and you feel bad about it.

You identify with it. It puts you down, even if you try to stay positive. Then you “fuck up” again, and this time it feels even worse. Slowly, you get pulled into this negative bullshit.

Then it affects your body language, confidence at work, self-belief, everything. Women sense that. They feel something is off.

How to build Batman-level confidence:

You don’t get confident by screaming affirmations in front of your mirror. If it was easy, everyone would be walking around confidently. Depression would probably disappear from the world

To build confidence, you need evidence from reality. You need proof. When reality proves you can do something successfully, something inside you shifts.

You don’t think you can. Or believe you can. You KNOW you can. You realize, “You know what, I can do it! It ain’t that hard”.

The trick is you’ll have to try until you get it right. Yes, you’ll probably fail quite a bit. Girls will ignore you, reject you, ghost you, and all that stuff. But that’s exactly what helps you grow- challenge.

You have to pull the trigger and do it again until successful. This is the only way you can initiate the process of gaining confidence. You learn from your mistakes and give it another shot.

Patience and self-compassion are key. Slowly, you gain momentum. It’s a snowball. New, bigger success build on top of your “smaller” success.

#3 Fooling around in life

I have 31-year-old friends who spend most of their time partying. They fuck around. Some of them still live with their parents.

They sleep with good-looking girls but drop the ball whenever a serious, “classy” woman comes around.

Younger girls love them. But the more mature women stay away. They rather go out with a guy who’s got his act together.

This stuff matters. You can fool around as a young man, and it won’t seem like a big deal. However, if you work at a dead-end job when you’re 30, then it’s not funny anymore.

How to build a life you love:

One thing my friends have in common is they don’t deal with their problems. They smoke and drink them away. They use partying to escape. Some of them are even aware of this issue.

Yet they’re still stuck in life.

You’ve got to deal with whatever is bothering you. Don’t ignore it. Confort the beast. If you experience self-esteem issues, talk to someone if you have to. If your job sucks and you don’t have well-paying skills, learn.

Same thing with health and fitness. Work on every little thing that demands your attention. The way you view yourself will change. You won’t look at yourself like a boy, running around like a headless chicken.

You’ll be a man who got his shit together. And women will look at you the same.

Conclusion

Work on building a life you’re proud of, and the symptoms I mentioned above will disappear. The way you feel starts auto-correct with time. Neediness turns into independence. Low self-esteem shifts into confidence. All these are the same energy, just with a character- negative vs. positive. If you can work on the negatives, the positives will emerge sooner or later.

Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected by Hundreds Of Women”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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