I know what you’re thinking. What gives me the right to claim I know secrets about men?
Here’s the truth, though; when you’ve taken a class many times over, there comes a time when you can confidently shake your head and whisper, “I get it now. I really do. “
So to answer your question, I’ve had my fair share of relationship dramas. And boy, have I seen many — and I mean many — of my friends navigate the murky waters of dating and marriage.
And the culmination of all of this has brought me to the point where I can untie the kinks and unthread the reasons why so many women miserably wait for men who never come or spend years meandering in the dating scene feeling like stray dogs in a big, strange world.
Men want you to be upfront with them as early as possible.
A man wants to know the real you from the get-go. No. I don’t mean spilling the beans about yourself on the first date. Please don’t do that. Save all those dirty little secrets about your past or your crazy family for yourself.
There’s a big difference between being open and being honest. Dignity dictates that you’re aware of things that are only meant for you.
For instance, it makes so sense for a woman to reveal how many sexual partners she’s had. Because who does it benefit? No one.
There’s a certain zing that comes from being mysterious and private. It’s hard to describe it, but it sure adds to the passion and keeps the sparks of attraction going. That’s what you want. No one was ever awarded for being an open book. It’s actually a major turn-off.
It’s all about walking the thin line of knowing what to say and what to omit.
If I was at the tail-end of a dying relationship, and I met a guy I thought was high-quality, I’d speak up. Whether or not he stays would be up to him. Anyone who can’t handle seeing the authentic part of you isn’t worth being in your life.
That said, it’s essential that you allow him to draw conclusions about you based on what he observes in you rather than what you say.
What I mean is this: Don’t put on a façade, for goodness sake, as this never gets you anywhere.
If you descend into the dark fluster of deception, it’ll be harder to come back up. Besides, it always peels off in the long run.
To be honest, I don’t know why women do this because being fake requires so much emotional and mental strength that there’s not much left to put into a relationship.
Ladies, let’s normalize always being ourselves — and being the best version of ourselves. A high-quality man will never appreciate being with a manipulator who pulls the strings to get what they want.
He wants to offer her what she needs willingly. If you never remember anything, remember this: You can’t manufacture respect. It has to be earned.
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Men want you to stop fighting with nature and be your authentic feminine self.
I realize I’m going to get a lot of heat for this, but I’ll still say it; most heterosexual men are attracted to a woman who is proud to embrace her femininity.
I get that the world is ever-evolving, and the notions surrounding femininity continue to shift. And there are many and varied aspects to femininity. This is a good thing.
One of my acquaintances, Ella*, is a single lady who has had a long-seated desire to get married and have kids, but she shoots herself in the foot every time.
She has distilled the idea that the men she wants should be attracted to her based on trying to hide everything about her that is feminine.
You see it by how she dresses, behaves, and the places she frequents — nothing supporting her desire to attract the man she wants.
The truth is that fighting with your nature as a woman — and by this, I mean not embracing and highlighting your femininity only sets you back or sabotages you.
Ladies, our gender differences are not a weapon; in fact, they’re the reasons men want us.
A man wants a woman who talks like a woman, smells like a woman, and walks like a woman. It’s as straightforward as that.
Every woman I’ve met who is committed to digging in her heels and trying to make men desire something they naturally don’t want ends up not being chosen.
Because what I see is that heterosexual men are and will always be naturally attracted to ladies who embrace their femininity.
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A man wants a woman who deep down knows she has worth.
Now more than ever, the world is brimming with gorgeous women. Women who seemingly have their lives together but, for some reason, can’t seem to find the right guy.
It leaves you scratching your head and wondering what’s going on here.
Why are intelligent, capable women allowing themselves to spin beneath the wheels of torment and abuse by the very men who ought to protect them?
Why are they taking up roles in the family that even God himself wouldn’t want them to?
Why are so many independent brains bound to a mire of insecurity, thus settling for broke men, losers, dead beat dudes?
It took me a while to see the reason behind this.
Once I threw off my cloak of the excuse that “men are dogs” and studied the lives of couples whose strong marriages have survived the tidal waves of time, I began to glean something of intricate value.
And no. There’s nothing special about these women. Their vaginas are just like Elizabeth’s next door. What sets them apart is the worth they possess deep down.
I can’t begin to explain how sexy a sense of worth is. If you’re single and craving a man to share your life with, please hear this: a man isn’t that interested in what’s between your legs or your face — no offense, Siz.
What will make him linger long after the flames of passion have died down is how it is how valuable you perceive yourself to be.
A woman with a high sense of worth knows she’s complete and enough as just the way she is — even outside a relationship. You can see it in how she is positive about her body and personality.
Because she steps into a romantic relationship with a burst of resolve and strength, she brings good things into the relationship.
The funny thing is that it may take her a while to get the man she truly wants because she sets high standards for herself.
But wouldn’t you rather wait a decade for your Boaz than attempt to build a marriage out of an empty husk of a relationship?
Makes sense, right?
…
I get it.
Some things are hard to hear. But at times, it takes a shift in mentality to get a different outcome. So if you’re not getting the romantic relationship that you want, perhaps it’s time to:
- Stop fighting with nature and proudly embrace your femininity.
- Stop putting up a façade and normalize being the best version of yourself.
- Cultivate a high sense of worth.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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