While the concept of “the one” is a bit cheesy and I’m not sure if I believe in the idea of there being just one person who’s your match, let’s just use “the one” to refer to the idea of finding someone who you think you could build a long-term relationship with.
So, with that framework in mind, what might it look like when you’ve found that person you’re willing to grow and build a life with? I’m not an expert here, but here are some things I’ve learned about myself on this journey (or game) called love.
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1. You’re more ready to face disagreements
Nobody likes getting into disagreements or fights. They require a lot of emotional energy and it can take a toll on you. But it’s inevitable in a relationship.
Your disposition towards disagreements and how you face them can be a sign of how ready you are to commit to the relationship.
I used to dread dealing with disagreements because of the emotional energy involved. But then, it was like a switch was flipped. As our relationship grew deeper, I became more ready to face our disagreements head-on. With each conflict that emerged, I wanted to talk it out because that meant we could understand each other better and grow stronger.
Question for you: How do you respond to disagreements or fights with your partner? Do you avoid dealing with them or are you ready to face them?
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2. You’re letting yourself be open to getting triggered
Another thing that’s unavoidable in a relationship is getting triggered. I assure you, your partner is going to do something that triggers an insecurity or a trauma you have.
Your willingness and openness to letting yourself be triggered can also be a sign that maybe you’ve found the one.
In the early days of our relationship, my partner triggered my deep emotional wound of abandonment through his actions. But after I worked through healing, I didn’t hold any feelings of resentment or anger. I trusted that he didn’t mean to hurt me and I was willing to continue to go on this journey of potentially getting triggered and hurt.
Question for you: How do you feel about the possibility of getting triggered by your partner?
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3. You’re letting down your walls
We all have mental and emotional walls that we’ve built to keep us safe. We act distant. We don’t open up fully. We never compliment our partners.
When you feel safe enough to let your walls down, it’s always a good sign that you’re on the right track.
One of my walls was being hyper-independent. In the beginning, I was so used to operating solo that whenever my partner tried to help, I would get very uncomfortable because I felt like I was losing my independence and thus, myself.
But over time, I came to realize that a relationship is a partnership and hyper-independence and this way of being wasn’t going to get us anywhere. It was one of many walls I had to learn to drop and I let myself depend on my partner.
Question for you: What are some walls that you have and how many of them have you let down? What would it take to let down all your walls?
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It’s about your disposition and not about them
Everyone’s journey is different and unique and these are just a few of the things I’ve learned about myself! What I notice about my journey is that it’s less about the other person and what they are doing, but it’s about my attitude and disposition toward the relationship.
I’m finding myself becoming more willing to be open, to be invested, and to be at risk of getting hurt, and these are just a few of the signs that are pointing towards my partner being “the one”.
I’d love to hear some of the things you’re learning about yourselves and your relationships and how you’re growing and evolving in your journeys!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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