Love is a beautiful thing. But falling in love with someone who is not interested in you can be devastating. When you’re in such a situation, you’ll feel stressed from an endless search for validation for all the amazing, yet overwhelming feelings you have for them.
And you’ll be anxious and stressed out about how they’re feeling. In fact, you’ll constantly be doubting yourself.
The truth is, not because you don’t know how to approach them or you’re doing it the wrong way, but you’re stuck with these type of women, that keeps you daydreaming about things that would happen only in movies.
But there’s a difference between doubting your ability to impress a lady who’s playing hard to get and a lady who’s not interested in you to begin with.
For instance, you may be doubtful because you are in love with a woman who’s been hurt a lot and decides to play a little hard to get because she wants to avoid the wrong people.
In this scenario, your feelings of doubt or insecurity are completely normal and stem from a reasonable source. It could even be a helpful sign rather than a bother. Because it may help you win the love of the partner you are extremely interested in.
But that is not the type of stress and doubts we are discussing here. We’re talking about insecurities and doubts that leave you constantly disturbed, devastated, and less optimistic about her feelings.
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You’re constantly in denial
Instead of calling a spade a spade. When you’re with a lady who isn’t interested in you, it’s easy to believe that something is right even when it clearly doesn’t seem to be.
You’ll simply justify friendly behavior as love or feelings and overcompensate, accommodate and justify bad behaviors that are generally unacceptable to most people, and worse, you will compromise your values and expectations.
We are living in an age when people are willing to lose themselves completely in order to have the person they love to fall in love with them anyway.
Most people end up in such situations because they want to be liked and don’t want to be rejected, and they’re afraid they won’t be able to attract the attention of other attractive people.
The problem is that this causes them to exhibit behaviors that are nothing more than a lack of love for themselves and a lack of knowledge of their self-worth and value, which causes problems in their love lives and can make them miss out on the opportunity to find someone that’ll love and appreciate them.
By refusing to believe the obvious about the woman you have feelings for, that your conversation never drives towards commitment to you, you are willingly locking yourself in a prison of unhappiness.
if you are trying too hard to deny problems you face trying to get the woman you love back, she’s probably not interested in you.
You might have a gut feeling that everything feels wrong about the way she treats you but you still don’t want to believe that it is.
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She doesn’t remember most of the things you share with her
If the woman you’re interested in frequently forgets even an ounce of any small details about the things you’re interested in, let alone following them, there are likely several reasons for this.
- They don’t value you, so they don’t think it’s important to remember things about you.
- They don’t really care about anything you say, which explains why they occasionally forget things about you.
- They are less supportive of your hobbies, career, or anything else that is important to you because they don’t really care about the things that are important to you.
- They don’t really like you, so they frequently forget even the smallest details you share with them.
In this day and age, many people subconsciously believe that they must not share the same interests with people theyre attracted to.
Although such a belief is not inherently wrong or bad, they go too far that it causes them to stay with someone who is uninterested in them.
They are constantly doing things that are nothing more than a never-ending act of brutal destruction to their self-esteem.
This addiction causes them to interpret the friendly behavior of the woman they are attracted to as love or deep feelings.
The thing is, when the woman you’re attracted to frequently forgets even the most minor details you share with her, it’s easy to believe that you have no choice but to accept and internalize her unfriendly behaviors, which only serves to lower your self-esteem.
But that is not the case.
You do not deserve to accept unfriendly behavior because you believe they love you, and there is no reason to believe this proves any weakness in you.
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You often feel ignored when you try to communicate with her
When a woman isn’t interested in you, it’s easy for her to make you feel as if you’re doing the entire heavy lifting of keeping the conversation going.
She will not encourage conversation. And in the process, they force you to come up with every single conversation.
The problem is that trying so hard to win over such a woman will exhaust you and harm your self-esteem, moods, and overall outlook on life. Worse, it will make you endlessly stress yourself mentally and emotionally in a bid to prove your worth and make her fall in love with you. And bad news is that it isn’t worth it.
If you want to be truly happy, look for a relationship where you won’t have to force conversation because someone who loves you will genuinely enjoy every opportunity to spend quality time with you and potentially have life-changing conversations.
Giving in to the insecurity-driven controlling behaviors of trying to impress a woman who isn’t interested in you is pointless because it reeks of codependency.
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Conclusion
You could be the best guy in the world many women will be grateful to have in their lives, but if a woman isn’t really interested in having you in her life, staying around or doing anything won’t magically make her think otherwise.
And there’s no reason to believe this demonstrates any deficiencies in you.
Life is so much better when two people like each other on the same level.
And when one person likes the other but the other person does not like them back, life appears to be a misery.
What is true is that there will be at least, one woman somewhere, who’ll think you’re wonderful and likes you for who you are, not for all the “proof” you can provide that you’re deserving. Just that you’re yet to meet her. You’re better than trying to convince one who doesn’t to have a rethink.
Think of it this way: Consider food for example, there are some dishes you like the moment you perceive their aroma or see them, while others nigh take time for you to develop a taste for. However, there will always be certain foods or spices that you will never enjoy. Others enjoy them, but you do not and it might never change. So do you think a woman will change her tastes of the types of people she wants in her life because you’re trying to make her to?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Andrik Langfield on Unsplash