Whether you are in the dating world or not, check your assumptions. Dating is not as easy these days. We complicate things more than we should.
Dating can sometimes suck. The numerous dating apps and social media profiles that mask a person’s true identity makes the process less enjoyable. Finding a suitable mate these days is like having a part-time job.
I’ve always been the reserved type. I don’t like forcing interactions. I am all for organic connections. But, a year ago I decided to give the dating world a try. I downloaded some dating apps, went on a few dates, and none led to the success that I desired. When I thought about why my new endeavor failed to yield results, I realized that there was a bigger problem at hand: the assumptions I brought to the table.
If getting to know a person for who they are is hard, having pre-judgements doesn’t make it easier. I let go of my need for forced communication and was clear with the assumptions I needed to eliminate. When I did that, my interactions were almost magical. Meeting men who had practiced the same thing, made the experience more pleasing. They modeled for me what I wanted to model for other men during dates. Gentlemen, if you are in the dating world or thinking about it, here are five assumptions to stop making while trying to find a suitable partner.
1. Don’t assume you are better.
Don’t assume you are better than the other person just because you have learned certain lessons faster than them. Everyone is on a journey. You may have conquered some of your demons. You may have learned a lesson or two about life, but don’t underestimate the other person has experienced.
2. Don’t assume everything will be perfect.
Relationships are not perfect. Meeting someone new doesn’t guarantee perfection. We all have our philosophies, set of beliefs, and issues we battle. Avoid going on a date with the idea that every date will be like a Disney movie. In fact, don’t let that false standard prohibit you from being yourself. It always seems perfect in the beginning but give it some time. The truth always kicks in. Fairy tale stories happen when two people endure the crap and make it beautiful. Let magic surprise you but don’t demand it.
3. Don’t assume you know their “type.”
Chances are you have interacted with all types of men and women. You have probably observed certain similarities or patterns among people of like culture or personality. But to make a blanket statement in your mind that says “all women of this type are moody” or “all Scorpio men act this way,” is absurd. There are so many other variables that make up a person. Their upbringing, the relationships they have nurtured, the experiences they’ve had, their education and their personal beliefs are just some factors that add to someone’s overall character.
4. Don’t assume physical connection = an emotional bond.
Sometimes you meet someone, and the physical attraction is instant. You love how connected you both feel. You like the chemistry that’s going on, and you’re ready to make some quick moves. Keep in mind that just because you feel physical chemistry with someone’s doesn’t mean there is an actual emotional connection. Can you both understand each other? Do you feel this person has emotional substance? Can she handle you? Let it develop before jumping the gun.
5. Don’t assume you are both on the same page.
Communication is vital. It’s something you both have to work towards to avoid misunderstandings or misplaced expectations. Talk about the things you want, like, dislike, need and make sure you both understand each other. Ask each other questions and intentionally listen to the answers. Communication leads to understanding and understanding puts you on the same page.
Whether you are in the dating world or not, check your assumptions. Dating is not as easy these days. We complicate things more than we should. Some people avoid it, but it can be a beautiful experience if we approach every person like a book that needs to be read and understood. Open that book with nothing more than an intention to see it’s words and learn from them, before deciding if it matches your story.
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Photo: Flickr/ Trey Ratcliff