Anna imagines enjoying a long and satisfying relationship with an amazing man she loves.
Getting him attracted to her and eventually having him fall head over heels for her to the point where he strongly wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
But for time immemorial, she had done everything she could to get men she’s attracted to want and desire her too. Yet, every effort proved abortive.
She knows she’s a beauty to behold even though she ain’t nearly as beautiful as Audrey Hepburn.
But her dream seems very far from coming true because attracting and winning over prospective partners isn’t just about one’s physical appearance, facial beauty, perfect body, or any other physical trait.
She can attest to that since she had witnessed countless situations where women who are relatively not “seductive” or beautiful somehow have men chasing after them, constantly trying to hit on them, and having long-term relationships with them.
And she just can’t help but wonder what keeps driving the men she had been romantically involved with away from her.
Is there something I’m missing? Am I this unattractive? How can I truly attract guys and keep them glued to me?
Let’s explore five really small behaviors and actions that simply repel men away from women instead of attracting them.
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Faking or lying about interests and hobbies
So you think it’s quite harmless and cool to pretend to be interested in some male-dominated interests or hobbies even if you feel you don’t truly like them?
Of course, you wouldn’t mind adopting a few interests, hobbies, habits, and even personalities to fit in and to be accepted.
But will you be shocked to learn that men wouldn’t really find you attractive because you’re trying to mold yourself into what they might like?
It’s quite a turn-off to have someone claim to be interested in something but acts, talks and behaves in ways that prove otherwise.
For example, it’s annoying when a woman claims to be a football fan but wants us to do every other stuff other than watching football during weekends or when she makes comments that are ridiculously funny and prove she knows nothing about soccer.
Yes, indeed, relationships develop organically on great levels of similarities even in interests. But claiming to have a love for drinking beer, being a football fan, or trying to always attend every of a man’s sports games while showing little or no interest in what truly interests you won’t make you a cool partner.
The truth, however, is that you don’t have to adopt interests, hobbies, habits, etc, that don’t align with you, neither do you have to give up things you enjoy doing for your man because that will be nothing more than denying or losing yourself and identity as you pretend to be someone you’re not which reeks of insecurity.
Because it means, you’re being insecure and communicating that your interests, hobbies, and who you’re aren’t good enough. That’s quite a terrible message to communicate, isn’t it?
Why not stick to the things you’re genuinely interested in?
Because there’s nothing sexier than a relationship where the woman does things she enjoys while the man does his own and they share their experiences while chilling together.
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Acting overly animated and excited that it feels unnatural
No doubt, it’s quite nice to be around someone who’s outgoing, talkative, expressive, and energetic.
Yes, because when talked to, One can easily brighten your day by just talking. Their vibes can be quite irresistible and attractive.
But trying too hard to act animated, excited, or interested in every conversation, or to appear generally outgoing might actually be more repulsive than attractive.
It won’t make you more attractive.
You’ll mostly come across as fake, insecure, undesirable, and unattractive since it’ll easily appear like you aren’t and might likely not be the real you in all ramifications.
Because the truth is, men and women alike are generally more drawn to prospective romantic partners who aren’t insecure and desperate for affection and attention enough to shy away from acting their normal confident selves.
That’s why there’s no point in trying to act overly animated and excited whenever you’re around a guy you’re attracted to out of a sheer urge to impress and win over him.
Yes, nothing beats confidence and authenticity in the game of attraction.
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Expecting men to consistently “fight for you”
The second you start setting your man against other men to know how well he’s going to “fight” for you, the count down to his walking away leaving behind only trails of dust begins.
The more you expect men to prove their commitments by trying to scare away competition, the more men will be slipping farther away from your grip even when things seem to be going fine between you and them.
That’s right because most men don’t want to be saddled with the responsibility of scaring off rivals in the name of fighting for a woman when she deliberately and endlessly gets flirty with other men, entertains advances, and even hangs out with guys who obviously have interest in her. They’ll just see her as immature.
The truth is, a man will always prefer a partner who makes life easier for him and respects him enough to talk to him when she feels he isn’t invested in the relationship. Over one who still lives in the dark ages and expects him to endlessly ward off rivals as a proof for his commitment.
Because as a man who only has so much time in this world, I won’t dare to waste a considerable amount of it with someone who doesn’t make me trust them. And So do so many men.
Hence, no matter the reason, consciously or subconsciously pitting a man against other men in high expectations of him to fight for you, is just a turn-off. Simple.
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Playing hard to get
Playing the ice queen or being evasive will either repel great men away or attract the wrong kind of guys.
You might have a lot of reasons for playing games, but if you think that playing hard to get, and acting in an icy cold, a distant, and disengaged way will help you attract guys, you’re mistaken.
Because the dating culture has changed and most men will simply find those acts confusing and even off-putting.
Hence, playing hard to get might as well be considered a “once upon a time good idea.”
And according to John Antonio in one of his works on Verilymag, giving a signal is imperative or the guy you like will probably just go after someone else who is showing more interest.
For sure, there might still be certain men out there who still enjoy the “pride in the chase” but the problem is that a lot of them are driven at high speed by a strong desire to win and as soon as they get you, they’ll come to a realization that they didn’t like you that much to begin with which is certainly not an outcome you would want.
And this is because of the norm of reciprocity that makes them kind of dislike you since playing hard to get might make one think you don’t like him.
That’s why I think it’ll be better to be authentic enough to show men you like, that you do like them or that you don’t if you don’t like them.
Because playing hard to get is a surefire way to lose most guys and come across as unattractive as you’ll be displaying your immaturity and lack of interest in them.
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Expecting men to appreciate what was never “done for men”
Can I even count how many times I have come across women arguing that some things they do about their looks have nothing to do with men? I’m not sure I can.
Yet, I can’t also count how many times my ex-girlfriends and a few women I have been acquainted with worry and even complain whenever I don’t seem to give a da*n about their “pretty nails” which I thought is one of those things that were never done for men.
Of course, I’m not among the people who think women do their fingernails out of a psychological game of status to prove to other women that they don’t work with their hands. But I do believe that most women enjoy getting their nails done while doing the job and that it mostly has nothing to do with men.
The only problem I have though is expecting me (and other men) to appreciate and even compliment you for doing some crazy long fingernails which I know a lot of men find reasonable fingernails more attractive than.
The bottom line? A lot of men have different opinions on fingernails but they mostly range from caring less about them to outright disgust.
So why hassle us about them? Besides, they aren’t even for us to begin with why should we be stressed when we don’t care much about them?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash
