I’ve been fortunate to have an exceptional father. Now, as a father myself, I often reflect on the best lessons my father gave me – and which lessons – I want to make sure I pass on.
In my time reflecting on what I’d like to pass on as a father to my son, I’ve realized there are five key things that I believe every father should pass onto their kids. As a parent I am sure you’ve often wondered what the best lessons you can pass on are. I know there are a million things we can teach our children and as parents we do our best to teach them everything we possibly can.
In this short list, you’ll find what I believe to be the five most important lessons a father can pass onto his children.
1. Take Responsibility For Your Life
Early on my Dad taught me to take responsibility for everything in my life. As a child he’d often say to me, “If you don’t like something – change it – do something about it but don’t spend your time complaining.” Today those words inspire me to know that anything in my life is my responsibility and I am empowered to alter it or enjoy it as it is.
It’s a simple lesson that I believe every a child should learn early on. As a man, it’s powerful because strong men are those who take responsibility. If we want our kids to grow up as strong confident individuals, this lesson will help them immensely.
2. Stand Up For Yourself
My Dad always encouraged me to be strong and to be someone of confidence.
I remember my first fight at school. A gang of kids had been picking on my friends and me. I was the new kid, smaller than them, and they pushed and teased me a lot. For months I took their bullying. Then one day I conspired with my friends and told them I was going to punch the biggest bully. They were hesitant but I had resolved to put an end to being pushed around.
The day my Dad got a call from the school, he wasn’t happy. He took me home and we talked. I explained to him why I got into a fight. He listened and acknowledged my feelings. He encouraged me to use my teachers, the principal and him before punching in the future. The was the end of our discussion, he didn’t scold me, ground me, or anything. It was one of those few times that it was clear that my dad knew I did the right thing. I stood up for myself.
That day my Dad made it clear that it was important I stood up for myself. To never let people push me around. To use the world around me to make sure I am taken care of and to never let people push me around.
That lesson helped me be confident. To use my voice. To stand up for myself. This lesson allows me to walk down the streets and know I can take care of myself.
3. Honor Your Commitments
I was sick and didn’t want to go to my soccer game. I was well-enough to stand, talk, and do most things – but I didn’t feel well enough to run around a soccer field.
My Dad didn’t let me off the hook. He grabbed my gear, told me to put on warm clothes – we were going to the game. I didn’t have to play, but I made a commitment to my team, and I was going to support them.
This lesson is one he’s had to drill into me, and it’s paid off.
A person who honors their commitments is a person who can be trusted. Who can be promoted and get the job done. He’s a person you can confide in, and he’s a person that others can follow. This lesson has helped land great jobs, get promotions, and have relationships where I am trusted.
Teach your son to honor his commitments and he will be someone others will trust.
4. Men Cry Too
As a boy, I often held my tears in. I didn’t want to be seen as a ‘wuss.’
Society, movies, and people around me told me, “Boys don’t cry.” Along with that came a desire to hold back telling others that I was sad, hurting, ashamed, afraid…or anything that wasn’t ‘manly and strong.’
My Dad taught me the opposite and encouraged me to share my feelings. On many occasions he’d say:
“A man who is whole can cry just as well as he can laugh and fight.”
My Dad wanted me to be a whole man – which for him – meant I could have a full spectrum of life experiences. Unlike some men, my Dad’s example helped me express my feelings, talk about the hard stuff and keep open lines of communication with those I love.
This lesson has allowed me to be a better husband, a more open father, and someone who has counseled hundreds of couples with confidence.
5. Treat People With Respect
Rich, poor, black, white, gay, straight, republican, democrat – whatever you were my Dad always treats people with the same level of respect. He’s one of the few people who I’ve never heard speak ill of. He’s loved by many and respected by everyone he knows.
There aren’t many people I can say that about. My Dad has a positive influence on people because he treats everyone with the same respect.
As a child, he always told me – treat everyone you met well. Say hello, acknowledge them, and be open to people.
Now, as someone who runs his own business and impacts many lives – I carry this lesson to
every interaction I have with people. Rich, poor, black, white, Hindu, Christian, male, female, transgender – it doesn’t matter, I’ll give you the same respect as the next man.
6. Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
Growing up, my Dad was always a beacon of light. He demonstrated positivity, love, and patience. He’s been one of the few people I’ve ever met who always seems at peace.
I believe my Dad’s peace comes from a simple saying he’d often repeat to me: “Don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff.” This motto has served my Dad well. It’s kept him tranquil and able to handle whatever life throws at him.
His cool demeanor taught me the power of being calm. Somehow, being calm makes life easier. It also helps others be calmer when they’re near you.
If there’s one thing I’d want for my kids, it’s that they’re always at peace and happy.
If I can pass one thing onto my kids, it’d be how to be happy no matter what. One way I believe I can do this is through living by my Dad’s favorite words: “Don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff.”
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This post is republished on Medium.
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