When I was in high school, I used to see my crush almost every day in the same classroom. I felt a sense of dread, my palms always used to sweat, and my heart raced each time I attempted to approach her.
Regardless of all the failed attempts, one day, I mustered the courage to go and finally speak to her; while it didn’t go as planned, I at least managed to make her smile.
Even though we became friends and everything seemed to go well, eventually, I somehow blew my chances of succeeding as a compatible boyfriend. Long story short, I haven’t seen her since then, and I’m not regretful of trying.
My point is that I know many people in the world may be going through this. If you are one of them, don’t worry — you’re not alone. Many people feel this way when they have to approach their crush or someone they may not know.
But don’t let those nerves stop you from talking to the person that you want to talk to! In this blog post, I will discuss five methods that I would tell my 17-year-old self if I had the chance to go back in time.
“Love’s gift cannot be given. It waits to be accepted.” — Rabindranath Tagore
5. Attract, Don’t Chase
One analogy that can hold true to this statement is about the guy who always tries to chase the cat without success; the cat continues to run away no matter how hard he tries. The same applies to people & society; they will most likely back away from you if you are constantly trying to chase or monopolize their time.
Chasing after someone can often be seen as desperate and needy, two qualities that are usually not very attractive. It’s not about playing hard to get, but more so about making yourself available when the time is right and giving them the space to come to you.
On the other hand, if you take your time to analyze what the cat is attracted to, let’s say a bowl of delicious and tasty fish, yummy! The cat will be more likely to come to you if it knows that it will be getting something good out of the interaction.
In the real world, if you make yourself someone that they want to talk to, they will be more likely to approach you. So ask yourself, what can you do to make yourself more attractive and exciting to your crush?
Doing your research ahead of time and having an understanding of what the other person is interested in is a critical component in being able to carry on a conversation with them. Find things you have in common or topics that you can discuss at length and use them as conversation starters the next time you see them.
Don’t get me wrong; this doesn’t mean that you should never talk to your crush or make an effort to see them. It just means being mindful of how much you pursue them and making sure that you’re giving them enough space to breathe.
4. Replace That Fixed Mindset (if Applied)
A lot of people tend to have a fixed mindset when it comes to their crush. They see the person as being out of their league, or they think that there’s no way that the other person would ever be interested in them.
These types of thoughts can prevent you from even approaching your crush in the first place! So what can you do to change this way of thinking?
The first step is to recognize that these thoughts are just your brain’s way of protecting you from potential rejection. It’s natural to feel some level of fear when putting yourself out there, but it’s important not to let that fear take over.
Once you’ve identified the negative thoughts, you can start to challenge them. For example, if you’re thinking, “There’s no way that person would ever be interested in me,” ask yourself why you believe that. What evidence do you have to support this claim?
You’ll often find that your fixed mindset is based on nothing more than your own insecurity and self-doubt. So the next time you find yourself thinking these negative thoughts, take a deep breath and remind yourself that they’re not true.
It might also be helpful to write down your negative thoughts and then counter them with positive statements. For example, if you’re thinking, “I’m not good enough for him/her,” try writing something like, “I am a worthy and deserving person who is capable of attracting love.”
3. Focus on Consistency
The tortoise and the hare story is an excellent example of consistency. The moral of this story is that it’s not about how fast you go but rather about consistency and effort. The same can be said when trying to attract someone’s attention.
You don’t have to run after them or try to do things that will make you stand out negatively. Instead, focus on being yourself and making an effort to talk to them whenever you get the chance.
If you find that your nerves are getting the best of you, try one (or all) of these tips the next time you see your crush. It can almost be guaranteed that approaching your crush will become more accessible and more fun with a little bit of practice!
2. Don’t Put Anyone on a Pedestal.
It can be easy to do this, especially if you have a crush. You might think that they are perfect and that you could never measure up to them. But the truth is, everyone has flaws, and no one is perfect. If you go into the conversation with the mindset that they are just another person, it will be easier to talk to them.
They are bound to disappoint you at some point because they are human. Furthermore, by putting them on a pedestal, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s better to go into the conversation with realistic expectations.
1. Adopt an Abundance Mindset
An abundance mindset will help take the pressure off any one particular interaction. Approaching someone with this way of thinking will help you to relax and feel more confident. It will also make it more likely that the other person will want to talk to you because they’ll sense your confidence.
Remember that everyone is just a person, just like you. Everyone has their own insecurities and fears. They are not some unattainable standard that you have to live up to. Just because someone seems confident on the outside does not mean they don’t feel just as nervous as you do on the inside.
“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” — Pablo Picasso
The Bottom Line
It can be scary to put yourself out there and talk to your crush. But it can be way more frightening to live the regret of not trying for the rest of your life. So take a deep breath, and remind yourself that everyone is just a person.
Who knows, maybe your crush feels just as nervous as you are. So go out there and take a chance! You never know what might happen, and it just might be the best decision you ever make.
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This post was previously published MEDIUM.COM.
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