Before we begin, two assumptions must get made. First, someone has injured you or made a mistake you can’t stand. And this guy isn’t malicious in any way. If the second assumption is incorrect, proceed. People that deliberately choose to damage you and destroy your life should be avoided.
Whether it’s a simple spat with your spouse or long-held hatred against a family member or acquaintance, unresolved conflict may go deeper than you realize — it may be impacting your physical health. The good news is that studies have shown that forgiveness may significantly improve your health by decreasing your chance of heart attack, improving cholesterol levels and sleep, and lowering pain, blood pressure, and levels of worry, despair, and stress. Furthermore, evidence indicates that the forgiveness-health relationship strengthens with age.
Can You Learn to Be More Forgiving?
It is not enough to speak the words of forgiveness. “It is an active process in which you deliberately choose to let go of bad thoughts whether the person deserves it,” Swartz adds. As you let go of your rage, wrath, and hate, you begin to feel empathy, compassion, and even fondness for the person who harmed you.
1. Error is human; concentrate on what is beyond the error.
Everyone makes errors. However, most of us do not intend to be harsh or hurtful. On the one hand, you must weigh the consequences of refusing to forgive. Would you abandon a great relationship because of a blunder? On the other side, the individual who created the difficulty may have done it unintentionally. Is it possible to blame ignorance?
It would help if you forgave those who unintentionally put you in an embarrassing situation. It would help if you also considered hard before cutting ties with someone you have a great connection with.
2. Remember that you have been granted a second opportunity.
You made a mistake at some time, but someone was willing to forgive you and offer you another chance. You know how it feels to seek forgiveness while feeling guilty on the inside. You’ve been allowed to redeem yourself because someone trusted your ability to apologize and try to make things right. Remember that we all deserve forgiveness if we work hard for it and have good intentions.
Nobody is flawless, and you are not either. Mistakes are challenges to overcome. They enhance your connections and display your ability to overcome setbacks to retain someone close to you.
3. Request apologies and efforts.
Forgiving is problematic because it contradicts two inherent instincts in your brain.
The first one is risk aversion. You don’t want to go through the same ordeal again, and you’d eliminate the possibility of it happening again.
The second is intolerance to pain. Accepting a mistake that has damaged you and maybe shattered your trust is unfair. Your mind can’t understand why you’d want to maintain a friendly relationship with someone who has injured you.
To overcome these obstacles, you must demonstrate that your forgiveness is well-deserved. As a result, you must request that your opponent apologize and constantly attempt to regain your goodwill and confidence.
There is almost no way to convince someone to forgive a mistake just by being nice. Solid connections nowadays are built through time and via actions. Making a mistake erodes these connections. As a result, don’t be hesitant to request apologies and attempts. It’s natural; you’d do the same thing if you wanted to be forgiven.
4. Don’t take it personally and relax your guard.
A mistake was made, and you were most likely injured; although you were not the intended target, the troublemaker did not want you to be their victim. For example, if your opponent tells you a joke about obese people and you find yourself big and ugly, you would be upset, despite the original objective being to make you laugh.
Your only option is to relax your limits, be more forgiving and easygoing, or accept that your opponent did not want to misbehave. Do not hold others accountable for their mistakes if they had no idea you would get harmed.
Learn how to distinguish between a targeted assault and unwelcome side effects.
5. Give unreserved forgiveness.
It is your final option. Assuming you are in a romantic connection, you will sometimes have to forgive because you adore your significant other. Unconditional forgiveness is a quality I wish I possessed and feel is exceedingly difficult to learn. However, if you have it, consider yourself fortunate.
It’s also possible that the individual who committed the error is someone you admire. In this instance, you must determine if you can forgive without expecting any effort or action.
Take care. Your anxieties may take over your desire to forgive unreservedly even after you’ve forgiven. Unconditional forgiveness is ordinary when there is a disagreement between family or love partners. Love and family are virtues that surpass punctuality errors.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock.com