5 Reasons Women Cheat According to Experts

Men tend to cheat more than women do.

According to General Social Survey, 20% of married men and 13% of married women have slept with someone other than their partner.

Dr. Tammy Nelson, a couples therapist says,

“Men are more prone to casual and opportunistic cheating, which plays a big part in why they get caught. For women, however, cheating may be evidence of a more thought-out plan to address their perceived needs.”

I wrote an article titled ‘Why People Cheat According To Experts,’ and it was brought to my attention that most of the examples I gave were of men cheating.

To clarify, I don’t think cheating is justifiable in any situation. I’m also not saying men are the bad guys, and I’m not saying women are bad. In fact, the research I did for this article showed me that both parties cheat for extremely similar reasons.

With that being said, here are a few reasons why women cheat, according to the experts.

Emotional starvation.

Some women cheat out of emotional starvation. They’re not getting that something from their partner.

It might be conversation, respect, support, adoration, intimacy, etc, and essentially a lack of all of even some of these things can lead to an emotional affair.

Emotional affair: Emotional infidelity describes relationships that break the boundaries of exclusive relationships but are not sexual or physical.

Angela Skurtu, a licensed family therapist says,

“Some people convince themselves emotional affairs aren’t real affairs. However, most sexual ones start as emotional ones. I find it pretty rare to have only a sexual affair without some emotions because they usually start as friends. That’s how you start crossing boundaries and justify the behavior.”

While most men who cheat are typically motivated by sex, women who cheat do it to fill an emotional need. That’s not to say one is better than the other either because emotional affairs can often be just as intimate as physical ones.

Sexual deprivation.

Philosophy expert Mark D. White pointed out a few points in his article titled, “Does a Sexless Relationship Justify Infidelity?” in it, he tackles an interesting question:

1. Does a persistent absence of sex within a marriage excuse or justify going outside the marriage to get it?

If partners are expected to abstain from sexual or romantic activity outside of the relationship, does this mean they’re entitled to it inside the relationship?

White later writes in his article,

“It seems natural to say if one partner promises not to seek something outside the relationship, then he or she has a right to expect it within the relationship.”

To put it plainly, some women are deprived of sex and intimacy within their relationships, and this is when infidelity comes knocking.

Women enjoy sex just as much as men do, and if they’re not getting it at home, or it’s not enjoyable for them, they might end up seeking it somewhere else.

While everyone has needs, and people in monogamous relationships should in fact be restricted from satisfying those needs outside of their relationship, it’s incredibly important to ensure your partner isn’t being deprived emotionally or sexually.

A sexless relationship does not justify cheating. It does, however, warrant a conversation. Don’t spend the rest of your life missing out on something that bonds you with your partner and end up looking for it from others.

Loneliness.

Neglect — whether it’s physical or emotional is one of the biggest factors that lead to infidelity.

Women experience loneliness in relationships for various reasons. One is their spouse constantly being absent, or working all the time, or being emotionally unavailable. As a result, women tend to feel lonely and seek connection through other ways to fill the void.

“Women crave intimacy, and they tend to feel valued and connected to a significant other through emotional interplay (talking, having fun together, being thoughtful, building a home and social life together, etc.)When they’re not feeling that type of connection from their primary partner, they may seek it elsewhere.” — Robert Weiss

Loneliness or feelings of isolation and disengagement can make anyone search for someone else to start meeting their unmet needs.

Retaliation.

Some women enter a relationship with a specific image in mind of how they want their partner and relationship to look like.

If that image falls short, and can’t meet their needs and desires, it can create a divide in the relationship that causes cheating.

In other cases, some women cheat as a form of retaliation. They resent their partner for something they might have done in the past, for example, a past affair.

Psychologist Guy Winch says retaliation never works, and the outcome of this will most likely result in the opposite of the initial intention.

“You won’t even the score. Your partner’s affair broke the trust and ruptured the bond between you. Your affair will never have the same impact as you can’t break something that is already broken.

You’re also unlikely to make your partner feel victimized. In fact, you can easily make them feel justified in having their affair to begin with. Some might even use your actions as an excuse to continue their extra-marital/relationship romance.”

Lack of excitement within their relationship.

Psychotherapist Johnathan Alpert claims that when people cheat, it’s often because their life at home feels boring, mundane and predictable.

Being with someone new provides them with a fresh and exhilarating alternative, throw in the risk of being caught, and it heightens the excitement.

Angela Skurtu says,

“Predictability and familiarity will eventually overtake the quality and frequency of sex. It’s not surprising, then, that some women who cheat are missing those thrilling hallmarks of a relationship’s beginning stages when passion and intrigue have yet to give way to routine.”

A study found that 67% of married women who cheat sought out “romantic passion,” yet 100% of the women denied any intention of leaving their husbands.

All of the reasons mentioned above are problems with solutions. The issue is that most people don’t want to deal with difficult emotions or have hard conversations.

Rather than having hard conversations with their partners, people choose unhealthy coping mechanisms like sex, drugs, alcohol, and other addictions or compulsive behaviors.

“An affair is an escape from reality. Some women struggle to be honest about what they want with their partners and instead seek out a fantasy world that not only numbs them but creates an amazing jolt to the system, there’s an adrenaline rush to cheating.”

Bottom line: People who have good morals and made the commitment to being in a relationship shouldn’t seek out the romantic or sexual company of others regardless of whether they’re man or woman.

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Previously Published on medium

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