How we experience dating is a reflection of our mindset. It’s a situation you leave in a relationship, as a storyteller or a self-taught love doctor. I’m starting to learn it doesn’t have to be all bad. I see these five characteristics in people who make the best of online dating.
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You define your perfect match, but you are flexible
“If you don’t know what you want to achieve in your presentation, your audience never will.” -Harvey Diamond
No matter how trivial it might feel, and it does seem ridiculous, define your ideal partner. You’ve met people during your life; use these experiences to redefine how you see your match. It’s a way to unlearn the lessons from distorted character arches in romcoms.
When you only narrow your search to a radius close to your locality, the algorithm will give you many choices. But, you’re not in search of confirmation that there is plenty of fish in the sea. No, you want someone with who you could start a conversation and have it flow with ease.
It feels good to say, “I never saw myself with someone who is like this”. Rather than spend your nights swiping to the background noise of Netflix. At least, I’d think this is the best way to make memories. Some people define a particular physique. Others will hope to find an intellectual being like themselves. Either way, the goal is to have fewer pointless conversations with new people. While reducing the level of regret and disappointment associated with dating.
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You’re okay with mini conversations.
“A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.”
― Truman Capote
Before online dating, I was a good listener but a subpar conversationalist. Rather than accept it as who I am, I chose not to send one-word responses. This practice took effort, and it also improved my social skills.
In the dating scene, there’s some amount of interaction before meeting each other. Ultimately, some conversations die at an abrupt end or frizz out. It’s part of the process of meeting someone you’d want by your side forever. If you see this as a positive, chats become a way to develop your charm and talking points.
A full inbox and no promising relationship ahead doesn’t mean your experience wasn’t good. There are different ways to determine success, and a new skill is one of them.
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You commit to one dating profile for a time.
It’s common to think you need to cast your net wide. Talk about maddening overwhelm. Imagine joining several dating sites and nothing — no matches or random direct messages. When this happens, it feels underwhelming. Is there anyone out there for me? Did leaving one question blank, make all the difference between hellos and silence?
When you join one site, you can focus on learning the rules of engagement. Again, you have the opportunity to learn. This time, you can develop strategies to have your profile stick out from the sea of hopeful lovers.
For optimization reasons, it’s easy to devote yourself to one platform. After optimizing your profile and getting no promising leads, take your search elsewhere. The mastery of a platform comes with understanding its intricacies. Sometimes, this mastery even leads to finding love elsewhere.
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You don’t worry what others are doing.
Comparison is a natural part of our journey as humans. I’ve been down that road, and so have every dating hopeful I’ve talked to online. We see someone talk about their success and immediately wonder why they are single. Then, think perhaps I won’t have much luck.
It isn’t all negative. Looking around inspired me to do a professional photo shoot for a good headshot. You are worthy of love. If you design your profile to show your best and working progress parts, it can make you feel deserving of love. How you experience a dating site can change depending on how you display yourself.
You’re unique. Build your gallery and words around who you are and the type of partner you’re interested in attracting. Try to reduce how much you compare your progress. Instead of worrying about what others are doing, learn from others how to express yourself in a way that makes you proud, not self-conscious.
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You build relationships
When I first started dating, I prioritized dates. I never made time to build relationships with other women on the site. I thought this took away time from engaging with matches. That thinking had me feeling alone when I spoke with friends about my dating experiences.
But meeting people in a similar situation as yours isn’t a conflict of interest. It helps your mental health and exposes you to different approaches crafted by those more experienced. You can’t win over your fellow female companions by forcing it. Send the first message and give more advice or stories than you take.
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So there you have it, five characteristics I hope you can nurture to make dating more enjoyable. Finding love is a journey, and if I can make it easier for others, I’ll happily do so. Thank you for reading this piece.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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Photo credit: Jon Tyson on Unsplash
