I was in a situation where my mind and soul were not my own. I remember the sleepless nights where all I felt were regret, depression, and sadness.
Healing does not happen overnight. The more upsetting the trauma, the longer it takes to heal that emotional wound. Your trauma could have been from losing a loved one. It could have been from an abusive relationship.
You are not alone. Trauma is a universal experience, and everyone has something that needs healing.
Acknowledgment and ownership of the trauma are hard pills to swallow. Especially if you pride yourself on being a strong and level-headed person. There comes a time when you realize you cannot control the troubles life throws at you, neither can you build a wall around you for the rest of your life.
The only way to move on is to heal yourself.
It is easy to tell if a physical wound is healing — you know the treatment it needs, and you monitor its progress. It shouldn’t differ from emotional healing.
You’ve read the books, and you’ve taken the steps to heal yourself. You’re now wondering if you’ve been on the right path all along.
The journey of emotional healing can be a confusing one, but there are telltale signs that you’re doing just fine.
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You found inner peace.
You used to be angry at the past. You’ve often wondered why it had to be you; what was the point of all that chaos; and how can anyone overcome something so agonizing. Sometimes you found it easier to blame someone for the pain, but most of the time, you blamed yourself for it.
But it is different now. As cliché as it sounds, you have found inner peace.
You have accepted the past and chose to look forward instead. Some might call this forgiveness or acceptance. You’re no longer angry at the ordeal. Instead, you’ve embraced the fact that it happened and turned it into a learning experience.
You have chosen power over chaos. You’ve decided to stop suffering over something you have no control over.
The trauma no longer defines you.
Once, all you saw was hopelessness. The trauma made you particularly cautious of your actions and decisions. The only thing you could talk about was the trauma, how it affected you, and how you didn’t think there was an end to it.
Now, you’re using your experience to help others and as a guideline to evaluate your current life and emotional standing. You no longer expect only bad days, and you have begun looking at every experience in life for what it is — a door to possibilities.
You no longer have a negative outlook on life. Most importantly, you’re no longer fearful of history repeating itself because you have taken life by the reigns, and you understand that you are in control of it.
You don’t cling to old patterns anymore.
You’ve allowed yourself to go through the pain. But you were still clinging to the past, and you were attached to your old patterns. You ignored the little voice in your head about some decisions you’ve made because it was what you were comfortable with.
You have now begun stepping out of your comfort zone. Whether it was for health, finance, or daily habits, you’ve realized what is good for you and what isn’t. As difficult as it may be, you’ve made the effort to solely focus on what is good for your wellbeing, and you recognize the results.
You’ve created new, healthier patterns for yourself. You realize you’re no longer the victim and instead, focus on the progress you’ve made so far.
You trust the world again.
When you’ve been hurt, and you’re focused on the harsh realities of life and love, your level of trust for the world and the people in it slowly diminishes. There was a time where you isolated yourself from anyone and everyone because you felt you’ve lost faith in humanity.
But when you come to terms with the pain you have had to deal with, your outlook on life and people changes. You start trusting the good in people again and understand that no one is built from the same stone.
You understand that there has to be bad to balance the good. Life shouldn’t be about expecting the worst from the world, and you strive to see the good in everything. You’re aware that even if the wicked decides to rear its head, you’re more than capable of handling that situation.
You start falling in love with yourself again.
For a moment in life, you were not a priority to yourself. You’ve put the needs of others before yours, and that magnified the disappointment you felt from the betrayal. You expected the best from others because you’ve given your best to them.
You’ve also unconsciously placed your happiness in the hands of someone else.
You’re on your way to falling in love with yourself again. You now understand that you’re in control of your emotions and the only person capable of making you the happiest you can be, is you. You’re working on embracing both your strengths and weaknesses, and you’re gentle with yourself when you make a mistake.
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There are so many stages of healing, and the journey is different for every individual. You should be proud of yourself for taking that first step forward. The road to healing can sometimes feel like it’s lonely so don’t hesitate to seek help or support from anyone whenever you need it.
But most importantly of all — you’re on the right path, and you’re enough.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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