There’s no better feeling than being comfortable with your partner. Showing your true self, sharing your dreams and aspirations, your vulnerabilities, talking about your likes and dislikes, not bothering to fix your hair because they think you look cute as you are.
But, there is such a thing as feeling *too* comfortable.
Psychologist Piper Grant says, “When we start a new relationship, we take incredible consideration in taking care of ourselves, presenting ourselves, being considerate of our partner, and putting effort into the relationship. As time goes on, if we begin to feel too comfortable, we risk it negatively affecting our relationship.”
While being comfortable with your person can be incredibly rewarding, you don’t want that comfort to turn into something negative. Here are five signs you’re too comfortable in your relationship and what you can do about it.
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You don’t feel the need to put in any effort.
You won’t always feel like looking your best and putting on a full face of makeup, but if you genuinely love your partner, you’re still going to make an active effort toward your relationship.
This could mean doing little things like planning a date night, cooking their favorite meal, or checking up on them when they’re at work.
Think about all of the little things you did when the two of you first started dating and compare them to the present; how much of that do you still do?
Everybody transitions out of the honeymoon phase eventually, but if you find yourself falling into complacency, the chances of your relationship being fulfilling and happy are slim.
You wonder if you’re settling.
A few years back, I dated a great guy, he checked off all the boxes, but I often caught myself wondering if I was settling. I met up with a girlfriend and asked her, “do you ever wonder if you’re settling with John?”
She looked at me wide-eyed, “of course not; I can’t see myself with anyone else.”
That stuck out to me because, as shameful as it is to admit, I often did wonder what life would be like if I were single or dating someone other than who I was with.
You can be with a great person who treats you well and has everything going for them, but they still might not be the right person for you, and it’s okay to admit that — what isn’t okay is staying with them because you’re comfortable and used to them being there.
Ask yourself the following question, “do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Do I see myself growing old with them? Do I like who I am in this relationship?”
If you answered no to any of those, you’re probably with the wrong person.
Your sex life sucks.
While I completely understand that sex with your partner after numerous years of being together won’t feel as fresh as it would with someone new, a long-term relationship does not mean the end of an incredible and fulfilling sex life.
Matchmaker Heather Kristian Strang says that if both partners are willing to put in the effort, try new things, and be committed to having sex regularly, then the spark never has to die. When you do this, your ‘comfortable’ relationship becomes the best relationship you’ve ever had.
Everybody goes through dry spells, and everybody goes through phases where your sex life might feel — repetitive and bland.
Switch it up. Do something different. Set the mood on a random Tuesday night. Make the first move if you usually don’t. Be bold.
Your manners are non-existent.
Farting, burping, having an open-door policy when you’re going #2, picking your nose or ears, leaving your things around the house, and expecting your partner to constantly clean up after you — these are all things that often happen when you get too comfortable.
Some partners don’t even mind the farting and burping, but for some, it’s gross and disrespectful and shows that you don’t really care what your significant other thinks of you.
You don’t take care of yourself anymore.
I’d say a solid 50% of the people I know gave up on themselves after getting married or being in a long-term relationship.
Listen, it’s amazing to be so comfortable with your partner that you’re not constantly stressing out about your appearance — but that doesn’t mean you should give up on yourself and let your personal health suffer.
Don’t skip the gym “because you have a partner,” and they “don’t care what you look like.” You should care about what you look like.
Don’t stop dressing nice or being active or fun because you’re “off the market.”
I’ve dated so many guys who completely let themselves go a few short months into dating, and I can confidently say it’s extremely unattractive.
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Needless to say, it’s easy to get too comfortable in a relationship. And, if you find that you’ve experienced anything I’ve mentioned above, know that you’re not alone, it’s okay, and it’s completely fixable. The first step in improving yourself, your life, and the relationships in your life is by getting to the root of the issue and having a conversation about it.
Let’s stay in touch.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash