5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Parent

All the cliches are true: parenthood is like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. As a mother of two, and twelve-plus years behind me now, I have some perspective to share — while also still a lot to learn. That’s the thing about parenting: you are ALWAYS learning.

These are five things that I wish I had a little more insight into before becoming a parent. What are your experiences? Share in the comments.

1. It is not about you.

This seems obvious, but what does it really mean? Parenting is so much bigger. It’s about the children, your partner, and the collective family unit that you are a part of. The way we parent is no longer just an individual choice, but a societal one as well. We are all in this together.

For example, our family “co-parents” with another family. It is common practice for the mother of the other household to take the oldest children to one activity, while my husband takes the youngest to another and both myself and the other parents are at work.

We cannot be everywhere or everything to everyone. We need to rely on our community because parenting is not about you and it will take a collaborative effort to care for a child, not only in their early years — but into adulthood as well. After all, aren’t we all glad to be a part of a community ourselves?

Your children are also their own individuals and sometimes they are going to need to learn things “the hard way”. No matter how much you guide them, there are still decisions that make on their own. Hopefully you’ve provide the values to help them make appropriate decisions, in particular given peer pressure. In this case, it’s not about you — it’s about them and the people they surround themselves with.

2. You will be judged for everything you do, even if it is not your fault.

It doesn’t matter how much you love your children, the judgment will always be there.

Often the first thing that people notice when they see a parent is their child’s behaviour and the way they are dressed. If your child is behaving badly or if he or she has an unusual fashion sense, then you will be judged for that as well. It’s not just about the clothes though; people will also judge parents for what their children say and do in public places, like restaurants and stores. Yes, society remains this superficial and becoming a parent truly puts a magnifying glass on this sad reality.

3. You will have to make decisions and compromises that no one else can understand, but you are the only one who can do it.

Not only this, you have to make these decisions with the knowledge that they will affect your children forever and there is no way of knowing how they will turn out in the end.

It’s a lot.

Identify your priorities and continually check in to ensure your priorities remain in order — and be honest with yourself as you do.

Let your moral compass guide you and have confidence that you are making the best decisions for your child and your family with the knowledge you have available at the time.

4. There will be days when you feel like the worst parent in the world and there will be days when you feel like a superhero parent who saved the day with a single sentence or hug or touch of your hand on their back while they sleep soundly in their bed at night.

It’s a rollercoaster.

Being a parent is an amazing experience, but it can also be challenging and overwhelming at times. Don’t be afraid to own your mistakes and don’t be afraid to celebrate your successes, too. To do so, make self-care a priority.

You can’t take care of your child if you don’t take care of yourself first! Take some time for yourself every day — whether that means taking a bath or going for a walk, even locking yourself in a bathroom to breathe after your two year old refuses to leave, takes their shoe off and throws it at you— hitting you right in the forehead, leaving a mark that lasts for days. Yes, that happened to me!

But, I regrouped and I know you will be able to as well.

One of the best things you can do as a parent is to be there when they need you the most — whether that’s during the day or at night when they wake up scared because they had a bad dream. It doesn’t take much to don the superhero cape in your child’s eyes: simply put, show up.

5. You will never stop learning, but this journey is worth every second of it because these are your babies (and they always will be). And, they need you now more than ever before in their lives.

Parenting is a journey that will never stop teaching us new things about ourselves and our children.

Parenting is a journey requires one to be aware of the different phases that are going to come in our. It is a long process of learning and unlearning and it’s not always easy, but it’s worth every second of it.

Being a parent truly is one of the most rewarding experiences in life.

You have an opportunity to teach another human being about love and kindness, honesty and integrity, hard work and determination — all while showing them that they are loved unconditionally no matter what happens in their lives.

This is a gift. An Honour. A privilege.

Final Thoughts

It is a well-known fact that parenting requires more patience than we have. It is also a fact that children can be difficult (aren’t all humans?) and they can drive their parents crazy. The best way to deal with this is to be patient and understanding. You bet this is easier said than done!

There are many different ways in which you can raise your children, but in the end, it all comes down to what works for your family.

Parenting is not a job, it’s a lifestyle.

It’s not something you do for a few years and then stop. It’s something that you do every day for the rest of your life.

There are no days off and no vacations — even if you go on a weekend getaway, your children will be in your thoughts: wonders and worries will remain with you.

The best thing that we can do as parents is to be there for our children, provide them with the love they need and teach them the values to live by.

You got this.

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Previously Published on medium

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