For introverts who crave authentic and genuine conversations, dating can be one of the most challenging and uncomfortable social situations to be in. I mean, who wants to spend a Friday night striking up small talk with a stranger, debating who is going to pay the bill, and trying to avoid eye contact during uncomfortable long silences?
We get it, first dates aren’t supposed to be “great” anyways. With social media and dating apps nowadays, first dates are meant to verify the profile of who someone claims to be online so that you don’t get catfished.
As an introvert, I can relate to the struggles of modern-day dating. There are so many unspoken dating etiquettes, rules on how to behave, and ways to make small talk; the list goes on. On top of that, our tendencies to overthink, fantasize, and have higher sensitivity than others may prevent us from actually enjoying the dating process or dating at all.
Here are 5 dating tips for introverts so that you can feel less-stress about dating.
Tip #1: Prepare ahead of time
Two things that I like to prepare for ahead of time during a first date are a list of questions and an estimate of how much time I want to spend with the person. Having a list of questions helps minimize the chances of awkward silences during a first date, especially if you run out of things to chat about. It also keeps me focused on what I’m trying to learn about the person rather than how nervous I am feeling. Additionally, it’s important to come in with an exit plan. As an introvert, I can easily get swept up in the heat of things, but with clearly communicated boundaries of how much time we’re going to spend beforehand, or when I may need to leave, it’s easier to exit the date without feeling bad, especially if it’s not going great. Typically, I like to keep my first dates at an hour anyways. If a date is going well, I would go for a walk afterward or suggest meeting up again the next day.
On the other hand, while we are natural planners as introverts, I’m not telling you to “over-plan” by running every single scenario in your head. Rather, it’s important to balance out planning with the present so that you can have the opportunity to meet and get to know your date.
Tip #2: Find a shared activity that will take things off your mind
To this day, I still remember going on a date to the arcades. It was one of the dates where I had the most fun. Looking back, I think one of the biggest reasons why is because my date and I were so focused on trying to beat one another at different games that we forgot we were on a date together. Doing a fun, physical activity together helped break the ice and awkwardness, and I found myself quickly agreeing to another date shortly after!
As introverts, we tend to ruminate and overthink when left to our thoughts. This can look like hesitation, second-guessing decisions you have made, or replaying conversations in your head, especially things that you wished you had said and done differently. Second-guessing ourselves may manifest into assumptions, like assuming that the other person does not like us or that the date went wrong, even before others may have the chance to express it.
However, engaging in active, shared activities that you are comfortable with may help break the ice a little, especially when you are just getting to know a stranger. Additionally, engaging in a shared activity may also take the pressure of having to always fill the awkward silences with conversations.
Tip #3: Suggesting an environment that works for you
Coffee shops are my favorite first-date environments. With just the right amount of stimuli involving a moderate level of noise (but not too overbearing), minimal contact from waiters, and comfortable seated corners, I feel like I can be myself naturally in this space.
Because introverts are sensitive to their surroundings, it is important to choose appropriate environments with the right amount of stimuli. Sometimes, spending too much time in a crowded, loud space can easily upset our focus and balance. However, by choosing environments that you feel comfortable spending time at (possibly your favorite go-to restaurant or coffee shop), then you won’t have to worry about external factors and focus on getting to know your date instead.
Tip #4: Focus on what’s being directly communicated
You go on a dinner date, you find out that you have many things in common, you get dropped home, and you end the night embraced in a long hug. Then, you go back home and text your friends that you have met the love of your life. Admit, we all have been there and done that.
For introverts, this is especially true. With our rich inner world and imagination, we can spend hours alone with our thoughts. Additionally, we also tend to fantasize and jump to conclusions too quickly. That’s why it’s important to keep our thoughts in check by focusing on what has been directly communicated, either through words or messages. While I know that over 40% of communication is nonverbal and the art of flirting is real, you have to trust the process: people will show you over time who they are through their words and actions.
Tip #5: Try to use multiple mediums at once to meet people
With the variety of dating apps nowadays, we know that there is more than one way of meeting people. Each dating app also has its special features as well. Moreover, long before dating apps, people have also met through friends, school, work, etc.
As introverts, we may tend to focus on meeting one person at a time. Multitasking is overwhelming because we like to focus on getting things done one after another. However, the dating world is not like that. Until someone commits to you, you are technically still single. Who knows, the person you went on a first date with may also be seeing multiple people or have other intentions. While I know that this may not apply to everyone, I think it’s good practice to assume that you are not together and are also free to date others until you have officially established exclusivity by having the conversation together. But before you do, then you should try to increase your chances of meeting someone who meets your needs by meeting multiple people at once. I think this helps you “discover” certain qualities and non-negotiables you may have early on in the relationship.
Of course, these 5 tips are not meant to be exhaustive — there are plenty of other tips and suggestions that may work for you. However, these are just 5 tips that I find most helpful to address some of the common roadblocks that introverts may face due to our natural tendencies to overthink, fantasize, and feel overwhelmed. By sharing these tips, I hope that you enter the dating scene with more confidence and success! Good luck ❤
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Tron Le on Unsplash
