5 Types of Activity That Will Actually Improve Your Self-Confidence

Feeling confident is not about feeling superior.

It’s not a zero sum game. In theory, everyone can “win”, if winning means inflating yourself rather than devaluing others.

And while the internet is practically bursting at the seams with advice on how to get confident, it’s often too specific and too generic.

Affirmations. Meditation. Exercise. Belief.

What they fail to mention is self-confidence is a different journey for every person. And the tides of life bob us up and down, meaning our confidence is ever shifting too.

So rather than give you a top ten list of all the things you should do to build confidence, I thought I’d step back and pick out the principles of what types of activities might help, and why.

#1. What Enriches You

Start with the basics. Even a Mercedes can’t run if the tank is empty or the tires are bald.

Be honest: do you make time for things that enrich you? I don’t mean binge Netflix or get lost in the infinity pool of your social media poison of choice.

I’m talking about actual you time.

Anything that makes you feel good about yourself and recharges your batteries. And reminds you that you’re someone good things happen to.

There’s a strong difference between being lazy and resting. The difference is intent. Lazy is letting resistance take the wheel. But resting is important. It’s essential.

A life that’s only challenges and problems is a bullet train to burnout. So make time to do the things that’ll put some juice back in the tank.

#2. What Challenges You

Self-confidence is birthed in the crucible of struggle.

But it’s relative. Our challenges are our own. For some, it might be as small as leaving the house. For others it might be going for a long run. Or climbing a mountain!

The only way to become more comfortable with discomfort is to befriend it. Embrace it. Invite it in on your terms. There’s no growth in the comfort zone. Immunise yourself daily with deliberate struggle.

Honestly ask yourself what little win you could get today. One tiny step towards mastery. Do that again tomorrow. And the day after. Miss a day? No worries. It just means you’re human (congrats). Get back on the horse the following day.

Find something that will push you and go and kick it in the face (metaphorically).

Optimise for incremental wins. Keep them achievable.

Don’t let yourself miss the opportunities hiding in the shadows of that which you fear.

#3. What Aligns With Your Purpose

It’s a special kind of torture to see your life pass by while you don’t become what you know in your heart you could, and perhaps should, be.

If you can move the needle, no matter how little, you’ll feel more like you. Or rather, who you feel you’re supposed to be. You’re aligned.

Start that book. Take that picture. Make that site. Publish that post.

Take that leap.

Do something that represents the person you see yourself as.

Get going on being who you were born to be. Every action is a vote for who you want to be. This is why you’re here.

Don’t practice what you don’t want to become.

#4. What Prepares You

Practice. Training. Development. Learning.

Anything that helps sharpen you into a better person for tomorrow. You’ll feel more ready to run at, not away from, life’s challenges.

It’s especially important for things we’re nervous about. We can’t necessarily remove the anxiety completely, but we can try to feel more comfortable by developing a more healthy relationship with it.

Consider and plan for the things that could go wrong. Don’t catastrophise. Think empowered anticipation. Then visualise the result you want and the path to get to it.

Free solo climber Alex Honnold knows a thing or two about fear. He shared his process on the Tim Ferriss podcast: “… if it’s a free solo, I’m climbing ropeless, then I’ll think through what it’ll feel like to be in certain positions, because some kinds of movements are insecure and so they’re kind of scarier than other types of moves, and so it’s important to me think through how that’ll feel when I’m up there, so that when I’m doing it I don’t suddenly be like ‘Oh my God, this is really scary!’ I know that it’s supposed to be scary, I know that’s going to be the move, I know what it’ll feel like, and I just do it.”

You can’t control how you feel. You can’t control what scares you. But you can control your preparation.

#5. What Makes You Feel Proud

This could be in any of the previous activities. The key is to inspire a sense of pride by doing stuff that makes you feel good.

Create something
Overcome something
Help someone
See your values embodied in an action you perform
Be disciplined and not do something you know is bad for you

Stop doing stuff that makes you hate yourself. Focus on doing things that make you like who you are.

Sometimes this is about self-control. Maybe you want to say no to an extra beer. Or limit your time on social media. Or maybe you’re going to try NoFAP. Whatever. The trick is you want to manufacture situations where you’re proving to yourself you’re someone to be proud of.

Start small. Build a little steam with consistency. Celebrate wins. Stick with it and watch the results compound. And remember it’s the days when you don’t feel like it but do it anyway that matter most.

And make time to be proud of others. Celebrate their wins. Notice their growth. Cheer with them. When we put that energy out there, we’re doing out bit to make the world a better place.

It’s a hell of a drug.

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Conclusion

It’s your life. Grab it with both hands.

You can’t control whether you’ll be happy. You can’t control if everyday will be a good one.

What you can do is embrace what life gives you and try to be the best you can be.

From this you’ll develop the self-confidence to keep going when things get tough. And this, on a long enough timeline, will get you closer to the kind of life you really want.

And the one you deserve.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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