Can you imagine yourself being involved with a toxic person?
Hell no, right?
No one ever imagines dating a difficult and emotionally draining person. And yet, falling for the wrong kind of person is easier than you think.
It’s easy to let yourself be carried away by someone’s looks, witts, or humor, and only realize the monster that’s hiding behind their masks when it’s too late — when you have already invested much time and emotional energy on them.
Truth be told, getting romantically involved with the wrong person can make your life a living hell — that’s why you should learn to skip over the toxic types.
What follows are five such types of people you should avoid dating at any cost if you want to avoid unnecessary heartache as well as how you can spot them.
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#1. The Narcissus’s Child
You’re probably familiar with the story of Narcissus in Greek mythology (who inspired the term “narcissism” in psychology).
For those who aren’t, long story short, Narcissus was an incredibly good-looking hunter, who supposedly won the heart of pretty much everyone around him.
The only person who eventually won Narcissus’s heart, however, was… himself. He ended up falling in love literally with his own reflection in a pool of water, and spend the rest of his life staring at it.
A “Narcissus’s child” is a person who has an unhealthy fixation with themselves. Arrogant and vain, they boss people around, expect everyone to comply with their wishes, and spend most of their time talking about themselves.
How to spot a person who’s “Narcissus’s child”:
- They require excessive admiration and act out when they don’t receive it.
- They are arrogant, vain, and expect special treatment.
- Due to their huge ego, they never admit to making a mistake or being wrong about something.
- They use their charm to take advantage of other people in order to get what they want.
- They don’t show genuine interest in your thoughts, feelings, and problems.
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#2. The Loudest Voice in the Room
Being a shy and introverted person by nature, I usually avoid hanging out with loud and extroverted people and I definitely don’t date them.
However, there’s a difference between loud extroverts (you absolutely can date them if they’re your cup of tea) and the loudest voices in the room (dating them is the worst idea).
The loudest voices in the room are attention seekers — superficial, insecure, judgemental, and vain. They seek constant attention, validation, and reassurance — all of them being remedies for their low self-esteem.
How to spot a person who’s “the loudest voice in the room”:
- They judge you by superficial criteria, like how expensive your clothes are, or how many connections you have.
- You can’t properly celebrate your big days and wins — they always find a way to make the day all about them.
- They flirt with other people in front of you — just to get a little bit of extra attention.
- Talking with them is hard — they keep interrupting or talking over you.
- They remain terribly insecure, no matter what you do for them, and how much attention you give them.
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#3. The Extreme Perfectionist
The constant and extreme strive for perfection doesn’t just hurt the perfectionist per se. It also hurts the people around them and stands in the way of forming healthy relationships.
Because extreme perfectionists don’t experience a healthy range of emotions, they don’t allow — unwillingly or not — the people close to them to experience them as well.
As Dr. Shauna Springer explains in her article in PsychologyToday:
“Rather than experiencing a full and healthy range of emotions, a perfectionist often vacillates between two primary emotions — dread and relief. The roller-coaster pattern of dread and relief endlessly repeats itself in the life of a non-recovered perfectionist, and spouses and children are often the unhappy passengers of this not-so-thrilling ride.”
How to spot a person who’s an extreme perfectionist:
- Pleasing them is very difficult.
- Their fear of not being good enough makes them insecure and difficult to be around.
- They’re always looking for flaws and problems.
- They are moody and easily get depressed when things don’t go according to their plans.
- They spend much more time on their career and goals than with you.
- They always want to be in control.
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#4. The One-Upper
Being around a one-upper is incredibly difficult and emotionally draining. They are competitive a-holes who try to outdo you and be better than you. They see you more as a competitor and less as a partner.
The Urban Dictionary defines one-uppers as:
“An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.”
However, they’re not just trying to tell a better story than you. They want to have the upper hand and look better in everything. They want to point out their lives are better in every single way.
How to spot a person who’s a “one-upper”:
- They love creating toxic power plays.
- They’re never genuinely happy about your achievements.
- They get angry when you do something well and especially if someone compliments you about it.
- They’re always trying to win and “keep score”.
- They might sabotage you in order to outdo you.
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#5. The Spiritual Vampire
Cynical, pessimistic, and permanently unhappy, a spiritual vampire is determined to suck your emotional energy until you feel as shitty as they do.
These people love to victimize themselves and complain about their lives and various problems. They are always miserable and like filling the people around them with negativity — somehow, it makes them feel better.
The world is out to get them. Life is incredibly unfair to them. All the bad things happen to them. No one truly loves them.
You get the point.
How to spot a person who’s a spiritual vampire:
- They make you feel tense all the time.
- They have something negative to say every time you meet.
- They put you down to make themselves feel better.
- They always focus on a problem and never on finding a solution.
- They show little empathy for your struggles because they’re too busy with their own suffering.
- They remember all your faults and love to remind you.
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To Sum It Up…
“People inspire you, or they drain you — pick them wisely.” — Hans F. Hansen
Finding yourself being romantically involved with the wrong person can have damaging consequences on your emotional health and self-esteem.
Needless to say, no one is perfect. We all have our flaws and weaknesses. But there are certain types of people who are far worse than others. Being involved with them equals heartbreak, stress, and frustration.
To sum it up, the five types of people you should avoid dating at any cost are:
- Narcissus’s children — they’re arrogant, vain, boss people around, and have an unhealthy fixation with themselves.
- The loudest voices in the room — they’re superficial attention-seekers with low self-esteem issues that seek constant validation and reassurance.
- Extreme perfectionists —due to their inability to experience a healthy range of emotions, they want to be in control, are never satisfied, and are very difficult to please.
- One-uppers — they’re insecure and competitive who engage in toxic power plays and are always trying to outdo you.
- Spiritual vampires — permanently unhappy and pessimistic, they suck all your emotional energy and are determined to make you as miserable as they are.
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Previously Published on Medium.
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