Have you been hanging out with the person for months now, but they never seem to be sure when you pop the “what are we?” question?
Or that time where your friends ask you whether you are single or not, yet you don’t know the answer?
If you haven’t heard the term “situationship” before, it is that space between a committed relationship and something more than a friendship,” explains psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert.
As you may see, it’s pretty much a trend nowadays that more and more people chose (or maybe, are stuck) in this kind of situation; if you are that type of person who doesn’t care about a label or being in an exclusive relationship, then good for you.
However, if you aren’t sitting well with this idea, then that’s okay too. I’ve known people who were stuck in it and managed to get out because they know it’s not what they want.
A good friend of mine was going through the same thing and for her, it’s not a pleasant experience overall. She lived together with a guy for a whole year, and it’s all based on sex and convenience only. But she wants more than that.
Therefore conflicts arise. It’s harder to let go because there are too many complications inside it. And the heartbreak it caused is just the same as a long committed relationship.
But let’s step back. How do you even know you are stuck in one? Most people don’t realize this, and they are always in denial that it’s what they want. A year or two years later, they realized they want to settle down and build a family.
Here are five signs you are in a situationship:
You Can’t 100% Trust Them
A relationship is based on trust, but you remember that what you are in right now isn’t even a relationship. That’s why you can’t fully be open with them because you don’t even know if they can keep your dark secrets or not. Or maybe you are afraid they can’t accept you for who you are.
So you play it cool and move along with the undefined relationship.
This eventually creates anxiety inside you. You said you are happy with the current engagement, but if you are… why your heart tells you the opposite?
This is what comes tricky for most people who are in a situationship. They tend to convince themselves that this is all they need and they don’t want anything more. But of course, we both know this is a lie.
And the more you ignore that feeling, the more anxious you’ll be.
You Never Know/Meet Their Best Friends/Family
While it’s still new, it understandable if they haven’t introduced you to their close friends. But even after a year, you yet don’t know who their friends are and not mention their family? Then it’s a bad sign.
Imagine you are with someone for at least more than six months. Do you think it’s possible to not ever tell your friends about it at all? Not necessarily the details, but at least they acknowledge your existence.
I know this can be hurtful because I’ve been there. They can say whatever they want to make you feel “better” and throw any possible excuses, but deep down, you know that they don’t take you seriously. You can feel it.
They Still Flirt with Other People
We all agree that people in a committed relationship wouldn’t flirt with other people, especially in front of their partners. It shows a lack of respect and simply rude.
But when it comes to a situationship, it doesn’t always work that way. Why? Because there are no clear boundaries in the beginning. Plus, there’s no label between both of you. The worst feeling is you can’t even bring that up.
You can’t come up to them and say, “you shouldn’t do that because it hurts my feelings,” because you knew that you aren’t their girlfriend/boyfriend. It’s not just that you feel have no right to tell them what they should/shouldn’t do — you feel like you have no right to tell them what you want.
The Constant ‘I’m Not Ready’ Excuse
Not only they’ll show that they aren’t serious with you, but they also always come up with this “I’m not ready” excuse every time you let them know about your concern.
To be honest, there’s no such thing as the right time. If they want you for the long run, they’ll make it work no matter what happens. Or at least let you know that they do want it as much as you do.
Because it sucks to be the one who only wants it, but most people surprisingly still decided to stay and cling to that false hope that they might change their mind one day and be serious with them.
If you’ve been in this situation for more than six months and they still string you along with the “I’m not ready,” then it’s better for you to let it go and look for someone who is.
There Are No Long-Term Plans
This is something that most people in a situationship complain about, but they don’t realize that it’s not their fault who’s asking for too much. It’s just the partner doesn’t seem to be interested in having the conversation in the first place.
When you are in a situationship, it’s clear that you both never talk about the future. And it does. It won’t be a “we” but more of “I.” simply because they can’t include you in their plan — just yet.
All conversations revolve around the short-term plans; short trip abroad, weekend getaways outside town, or just a small picnic at a beach nearby. So don’t expect a serious talk about the future because that won’t happen.
I understand how hard it is to get out of a situationship. They might be too good to let go. As if you knew deep down they are your perfect boyfriend/husband material you’ve always wanted.
In most cases, this is true. At least until you know, they aren’t really what you need in a relationship. Because over time, you’ll realize that you have the right to stand up for what you deserve.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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