5 Ways to Get That Second Date

I have friends dating friends that take polar perspectives on this one. Sometimes people throw up red flags that can’t be ignored. Please DO NOT IGNORE THEM! There are others that are amazing, both men and women, women and men that try to put their best foot forward but anxiety, nervousness, or just having a bad night throws them off.

I had a date with a woman once. I didn’t know until later that she was a psychiatrist. I didn’t show up as a mess. I did show up, having just gone through some pretty significant loss. It doesn’t matter; she wasn’t wrong, and I don’t believe I was wrong. She was assertive and said something to the effect of, “I don’t see this going anywhere.” I was okay with that. I accepted that.

I’m trying to make the point that you should NEVER push for a second date on either side of the equation if it’s wrong. I am saying not every first date is blah blah whatever romcom you want you want it to be. If you ARE NOT open to a person being less than perfect, perhaps you need to stay in, pop some popcorn and watch some Disney movies.

There are ways to “Get back to good’ if you didn’t nail it the first time. For me, it’s a bugger, but I have to say, if they’re not on board, I accept it. First impressions matter so much, but initial impressions are not always accurate.

There are ways to fix a NINE INCH FAILED first date. I write this with the expectation that the desire and willingness for a round two is both mutual and consensual.

For the record, Yes, it has happened several times that I was given a second chance, and I gave a second chance, and it turned out awesome. Not every time, but yes, it has happened to me that the second chance ROCKED!

1. Being Kind To The Service Stall And All On Your Date

Even if we’re simply grabbing coffee or ice cream on the first date, I always make a mental note of whether or not my date uses the words “please” and “thank you” when speaking to the waitress or cashier. It’s true that it’s the very minimum, but it never ceases to amaze me how many individuals treat employees as having no right to be respected. This is the simplest approach to differentiate yourself from the crowd.

2. Conversation Flows

Everyone has their own set of priorities. Everyone does not share the desire to communicate with one’s significant other. But if we have a hard time keeping the conversation going on a first date, I won’t ask you out again. The person who asks me out on a second date is interested in knowing what I’m reading, what I do in my spare time, and where in the world I’d most like to visit and why.

They are curious about me and shared some thoughts that have me curious about him. The talk flows easily since he keeps saying things that fascinate me. He seems genuinely interested in learning more about me, and I, in turn, am curious about him. I get that some peeps could be reticent to initiate conversation, but we can come up with a few topics.

3. Effort Is Put Into Appearance and Hygiene (Hygiene should be a given, but I have to call it out)

Although I don’t expect my date to have spent a lot of money on an outfit for our first meeting, I would like it if they wasn’t clearly fresh out of bed. They have a better chance of getting a second date if he presents themselves well and uses deodorant. Again, this is not about trying too hard to impress (which, to be honest, might be off-putting), but rather about demonstrating that he can take care of himself.

4. There Are Limits And Boundaries

Boundaries are hard. You need to put them up and say what you will accept and what you will not accept. It’s hard in the beginning because you don’t want to be rigid, but at the same time, you have to make things clear.

There is this brutal but real line where you have to clarify what is acceptable and what is not. At the same time, if you make it clear but they respect those boundaries, perhaps a first impression is not all it’s cracked up to be. Respect is so massive that I ask you to take note if you do get it. A ‘faux pas’ on a first date by lightyears fails in comparison to somebody that is very respectful.

5. Patience Patience Patince

Patience is so hard. I’m religious and do not want it to be an issue. But as a religious person, I was told never to pray for patience, or I’d be tested in a way that would make Job seem like a game show.

This goes more out to men. If she matters, she’s worth exercising patience. If she’s that amazing, she’ll switch up your world like you can’t imagine. I get it; guys have needs…we really don’t; we just don’t have the ability to cultivate relationships and call that “Needs.”

Let me ask you, is sex a need or a want? Did any guy ever die from not having sex? Whatever you say doesn’t matter because the real answer is no. If she’s so amazing, you must slow it down and make her feel safe and protected.

I know in today’s day and age, we want to be equal. And we are. In terms of being able to complete work and yada yada we are, but in terms of emotions, we are different, and we are wired differently. I personally believe we have to have a, ‘come to Jesus talk’ and admit and talk about the fact we are different. Perhaps a second date is where this can happen!

In Summary:

I’ve got no summary. I’m really tired. Sometimes pouring out thoughts is tiresome. If you need a summary, please re-read it. I’m not trying to be a jerk, but sometimes my writing takes a lot out of me.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***