If you’re experiencing the “Terrible Twos” or the wrath of a “Threenager” then you know how charming it can be. You regularly experience impressively violent fits of utter frustration and melodrama more suited for Shakespeare than the stage of your life.
Now that I’m well past it, I can actually laugh about it. Some day, you will be able to, too. In the meantime, catch a bit of comic relief and know that you are definitely not alone.
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My youngest has always been quite expressive when it comes to his discontent. He has never shyed away from showing us exactly how adamently he disagrees with a decision or outcome.
He was especially reactive when something didn’t play out in the order he anticipated. Whether we knew it or not, there was a system in his head and we often failed to execute it correctly.
When he was rounding the corner on 4 years old, we thought we would soon be out of the screaming weeds. But let’s just say that he went out of that particular phase with an Earth (and ear drum) shattering bang.
It became incredibly easy to reduce him to tears, shouts, tantrums, and stomps. Just when things seemed to be returning to a calm and peaceful state, we’d get sidelined by over the top reactions to the most mundane actions.
What could we have done to displease our beloved son so greatly? Here are 5 ways we reduced that toddler to tears.
- Upon serving breakfast, we made the grave mistake of cutting his fried egg into bites before he sat down at the breakfast bar. Apparently, eggs should only be cut after his back end hit the barstool.
- I dared to leave my own bed (the one he indiscreetly climbed into for the 8 millionth night in a row) before he woke up. Adding insult to injury, I left the room entirely to get his big brother ready for school. Will the family ever accept that he is the only one with needs? It seems unlikely.
- I once started the engine of the car while he was still fumbling around with his seatbelt. I tried to explain that the climbing heat and depleting oxygen levels inside the car made this move entirely necessary. After the screams died down, he looked at me, red faced and scowling, clearly communicating that suffocation would have been a rightful punishment for my misdeed.
- When concluding a heaving session of sobbing and groaning, I used a tissue to wipe both the streaming snot AND the tears from his face. Tissues were only to be used for snot in this instance. Tears needed to stay right where they were, on his sad-looking face, to dry all on their own.
- One afternoon he requested a snack of two fresh strawberries. I took two out and cut each of them in half, serving him 4 pieces with a side of sweet smile. That’s when the fruit smoothie hit the freaking fan. When he said he wanted two strawberries he meant he wanted one strawberry cut in half. Obviously.
You get the idea. He has always wanted things “his way.” If you can’t deliver, you can hit the Hot Wheels highway. The dude was so entirely full of ‘tude.
He also happens to be deliciously snuggable and heart-soaringly huggable, which helps explain how we’ve made it this far.
As baffling and frustrating and exhausting as this period can sometimes be, I also lamented its coming to a close. There’s something so uniquely honest and open about living life so completely out loud.
Feeling things so BIG and sharing those feelings with the ones you love most? Heart on the sleeve doesn’t quite do it justice.
Naturally I hoped he would learn to be a bit more flexible and am happy to report that he has…for the most part. Anecdotal evidence aside, we do endeavor to raise the boy right.
In the meantime, we tried to mind the order of operations and air dry our tears, one meltdown at a time.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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Image by the author, Kristen Cudd