6 Warning Signs You’re Dealing With a Serial Heartbreaker

Have you ever dated someone who seemed completely enamored with you, only for them to dump you and break your heart a couple of weeks later?

Trust me, you did nothing wrong — you just found yourself with a serial heartbreaker.

Once you enter the fascinating (and sometimes terrifying) dating world, it’s likely you’ll encounter one of them. Charming, witty, and good-looking, they’re very difficult to resist. They go around stealing hearts and then breaking them, without a care in the world.

If you look closely enough though, you can see through their facade — the warning signs appear early in their relationship. What follows are six of these signs, that can help you identify a serial heartbreaker — and hopefully, run away as fast as you can from them.

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#1. They’re All Charm, No Meaningfulness

One of the reasons so many people are attracted to heartbreakers is that they are incredibly charming. They’re usually very attractive, have a way with words, and know exactly how to sweep you off your feet.

However, if you look closely enough, you can see that in reality, they’re all charm, but no meaningfulness. Or, in other words, all their actions are superficial and unimportant — they don’t do anything meaningful for you, like being by your side when you need them, actively listen to you, or tangibly help you with a problem you face.

Sure, they might shower you with flowers, gifts, and sweet words. And although these things might make you feel noticed and important, what matters most is that your partner actually shows up when you need them. And serial heartbreakers never do.

Additional suspicious signs to look out for:

• Your partner rarely follows through with their promises.
• Your partner disappears every time you’re going through a difficult, emotionally draining situation.
• Your partner is all talk, no action.

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#2. They’re Overly Cagey

Another sign that indicates you’re bound to have your heart broken by your partner, is when they’re being overly cagey — for a long time. Sure, everyone opens up at their own pace, but when you’ve been dating someone for weeks and they haven’t opened up in the slightest, wave a red flag.

That might include them not being straightforward about their feelings towards you, sending mixed signals, and making you feel uncertain about where you stand with them.

This usually happens because serial heartbreakers are always ready to jump from one relationship to another, which means that they’re not willing to open up in order to create a meaningful connection with you.

Additional suspicious signs to look out for:

• You often try to “decode” your partner’s actions and spend much time trying to guess what’s going on inside their minds.
• You notice your partner resorting to mind games instead of being straightforward about their feelings.
• Your partner rarely discloses any intimate information about themselves and avoids deep conversations.

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#3. They Get Too Close, Too Fast

If someone moves “full-on” into a relationship with you, it’s natural to feel flattered, important, and special. However, the tendency to get too close, too fast, might actually suggest you’re dealing with a heartbreaker.

Of course, every relationship moves at its own pace, but no matter how you look at it, asking someone to, let’s say, move in with you on the third date is a bit too much, don’t you think?

As Dr. Maria Baratta mentions in her article in PsychologyToday:

“One common mistake often derails promising relationships — rushing into them too quickly, such as by asking to move in together after only a few weeks. Gradually getting to know one another and letting the connection blossom organically can lead to more successful relationships.”

Now, in the case of serial heartbreakers, the reason they go “full-on” into their relationships is far from romantic. They have no intention of getting to know you; no desire to build an authentic connection with you. They just seek to have as much fun and gain as many experiences as they can with you within a short period of time, before they leave you and jump into the next relationship.

Additional suspicious signs to look out for:

• There are no boundaries in your relationship.
• Your partner encourages you to put your friends, family, and responsibilities aside for the sake of your relationship.
• Your partner talks about big decisions like getting married or having kids even though you’ve been dating for a short amount of time.

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#4. Their Past Keeps Knocking on Their Door

You’re out on a date and one of their exes calls them. They tell you that they bumped on another ex the other day and that they went for a coffee, just to “catch up”.

People with whom your partner “used to have a thing for” keep appearing on their DMs. Whatever it is, it seems like their past keeps knocking on their door. And although they reassure you that “the past doesn’t matter to them anymore”, their behavior proves the opposite.

Serial heartbreakers are never really done with their past. They like to get attention and feel validated by previous partners and might even go back to them for a short amount of time. If you notice that your significant other still keeps in touch with most of their previous partners, there’s a chance heartbreak will follow.

Additional suspicious signs to look out for:

• Your partner isn’t clear about the reasons behind their latest breakup (or most of their past breakups).
• Your partner gets annoyed and frustrated when you ask them about their previous relationships.
• Your partner keeps in touch with most of their exes.

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#5. They Avoid Accountability

Since a serial heartbreak has no interest whatsoever in seriously investing in your relationship, they’ll usually avoid accountability for their mistakes and bad decisions.

All they want is to keep things between you casual, light, and fun, and engaging in emotional confrontations about their (wrong) actions isn’t on their list.

If you confront them or tell them they did something that hurt you, they’ll try to brush it off or change the subject, and won’t even consider changing their behavior or apologizing for their actions.

Admitting your mistakes, taking accountability for your actions, and trying to improve yourself and the way you treat your partner is something you do in a serious relationship you intend to last, and — surprise, surprise — serious, long-lasting relationships are also not on their list.

Additional suspicious signs to look out for:

• Your partner often plays the blame-shifting game.
• Usually, when you tell your partner they said or did something that hurt you, they tell you you’re overreacting.
• You feel like your partner isn’t interested in helping you make your relationship better.

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#6. They Make You Feel Like You’re ”Too Much”

A serial heartbreaker doesn’t always go all-in in their relationships. Sometimes, they do the complete opposite: they put up emotional walls and create a great emotional distance between their partners.

If you’ve found yourself dating a serial heartbreaker, you might notice they make you feel like you’re too much. Like you always want, expect, or ask them for too much.

For example, you might mention you’re not seeing them as much as you’d like and they’ll “explode”, telling you’re too needy and demanding. Or, you might ask them after weeks of dating where they see your relationship going, and they’ll tell you that it’s “too soon” to ask such questions and that you’re going “too fast”.

In reality, you’re not the one who asks for too much — it’s just that they’re not in a place to give and invest in you and your relationship.

Additional suspicious signs to look out for:

• Your relationship feels one-sided, like you’re the one who’s doing all the work.
• Your partner has repeatedly told you that you’re too clingy/too needy/too intense/too passionate.
• Your partner rarely makes adjustments to their calendar for you.

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Putting It All Together…

Falling for a serial heartbreaker is something that can happen to pretty much anyone. It’s easy to ignore the warning signs, especially when the other person is charming and knows exactly what to say and do.

If that has happened to you, try to view the experience as a useful lesson for yourself and your next relationships. If you were lucky enough not to cross paths with a serial heartbreaker, make sure you pay attention to the early warning signs that betray their facade.

Make sure you keep an eye out for the following red flags that indicate a person’s a serial heartbreaker:

1. Superficial, plain, non-meaningful actions
2. An unwillingness to open up and share their inner world
3. Moving too fast in your relationship
4. Being tangled up in their past
5. An unwillingness to be held accountable for anything wrong they do within your relationship
6. Making you feel like you’re too much

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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