Marriage: Love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. Till death do us part is the length. — Fawn Weaver
My partner and I recently started a YouTube channel. It is very slow in its growth but we are excited for it. We keep encouraging our friends to subscribe to the channel and it has been fun watching the numbers grow from 0 to 71. Please subscribe, it would mean the world! ❤
We enjoy the little things. We find love in the details. We choose to stay anchored in our religion. I do not believe in the concept of “The One” but he swears he knew I was “the one” from the moment we met.
“The One” is someone with whom you can transition between having fun and being serious.
You want (and really, need) someone who can relate to you on the full spectrum of life — that means a person who can be casual, silly, funny, and affectionate, but also strong and insightful when life calls for it.
According to the Urban Dictionary, “The One” is a person you are always happy to see and they are always happy to see you. “The One” could be hard to find but also could be in plain sight. “The One” is the person who is your best friend, your one love, your soul mate.
The Urban Dictionary goes on to say that without this person you find life meaningless and empty. This person opens your heart and fills it with joy and sweeps away any anger or sorrow. It could take time but you will find this person if they are out there. It could take years or decades but that person is out there.
Do YOU believe in the concept of “The One”?
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section.
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Who we marry is one of the most important choices in life. One that will influence the level of happiness, growth, and success, like no other choice.
Before I got married, I was at that point in my life where I knew what I wanted when it comes to dating and relationships. I value honesty, compassion, loyalty, friendship, and companionship.
As I got older, appearance ceased being a great priority for me. I mean, it plays its part but I realized that I value the inner beauty and personality traits of my partner more than his height or the number of rock-hard abs across his abdomen.
Many people, like me, experience this shift around their late twenties or early thirties. You come to the realization that the real trait of attractiveness in a person is more about their character than their looks.
This comes in handy when choosing someone to spend the rest of your life with.
How do you make the leap of faith and decide to marry the person you love? How do you decide that your partner is “The One”?
There isn’t a definite answer but looking out for how they tick these boxes might help.
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Here are 9 incredible signs that your partner might be “The One”:
1. You forgive each other genuinely and completely
There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. — Brynt H. McGill
For a successful relationship with your partner, you should have the ability to forgive each other genuinely and completely.
Being able to let go of past hurts, disappointments and petty arguments is a way to keep yourself healthy both physically and emotionally. When partners practice forgiveness, fully aware that both individuals are capable of hurting and making mistakes, their marital bond becomes stronger.
Keeping count of past wrongs wears both partners down and makes way for hate and extreme bitterness into the relationship.
Your partner is a human being with weaknesses, just like you. With forgiveness granted generously towards each other comes another chance to make new beginnings.
A successful relationship is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness.
Many people I know (waves sheepishly because I am one of the many people I mention) tend to forgive partially when wronged.
What this means is when their partner makes a mistake and apologizes for it, they claim to have forgiven them — only to keep bringing up the incident in later events. (I am working on it.)
If you and your partner forgive each other wholeheartedly, this is a sign that you will have a successful relationship, and that your partner could be “The One”.
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2. You both value your friendship
Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends. — Harville Hendrix
The word “friendship” conjures up thoughts of honesty, vulnerability, trust, companionship, and mutual respect. It also implies an investment of time and energy.
When you are friends with your partner, you have mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. And I think that is a vital part of a happy relationship that potentially leads to marriage.
C.S. Lewis said of friendship: “It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up — painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.”
When you and your partner value your friendship, when you have arguments it is less about who wins the argument, and more about coming to an amicable solution.
It is not a lack of love, but of friendship, that usually catalyzes an unhappy marriage.
So, if you are friends with your partner in the true sense of the word, that is a sign that should they might be “The One” and it could be a good idea to get married if that is where you want your relationship to grow. You will be able to sail through whatever storms may come your way.
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3. You love each other
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. — Mignon MacLaughlin
Love is a choice.
Love is in the details.
I do not believe only in falling in love. I also believe in growing in love. In retrospect, we all have love waiting to thrive from within our hearts. All great relationships are built on a foundation of mutual trust, honesty, and love.
For your partner, love is something you should develop and sharpen with focus and determination. Keeping well in mind that it is your choice what you invest your love in.
Many scholars see love as an emotional attachment (Hazan & Shaver, 1987), and as such, they consider the quality of a relationship rather than viewing love as a “yes/no” question.
I think that when you truly love someone, every single day you spend with them, you fall in love even more. Every day you spend with that person is like an adventure into their soul.
You discover that love is in the heart because you love them even when you do not see them.
If you can choose purposefully to love your partner and not just rely on the emotional feelings that you had in your early days, then you might both be “The One” for each other.
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4. You know how to pick your battles
Choose your battles wisely because if you fight them all, you will be too tired to win the really important ones.
When living with your partner, it is easy to have disagreements especially when you spend a lot of time together. That is why it is important to choose your battles wisely.
There are times when it is just not worth arguing over trivial issues. Not dwelling on what annoys you and changing the subject is the wisest option in such cases.
Be selective in picking your fights and battles. Sometimes, peace is better than being right.
When my sister Alice had just gotten married, they used to fight about the direction in which toilet paper should be hang. Now, they don’t care what direction it is hanging or whether it is just lying on the floor.
That is a trivial issue that should not waste their energy. If you have learned to pick your battles with your partner, you could be on your way to a successful and happy marriage.
In case you were wondering, the 1891 patent from Seth Wheeler here shows that the toilet paper should go up and over.
Do not waste efforts winning small battles but losing the war.
When you have learned how to pick your battles with each other and with the world, this is a sign that your relationship will probably survive the war. You could revise the concept of “The One” to see if it suits your partner, and if marriage is in the cards for you, you should marry your partner.
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5. You have a positive mindset towards marriage
A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you.
The Law of Attraction states that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person’s life.
The belief is based on the idea that people and their thoughts are made from “pure energy”, and that a process of like energy attracting like energy exists through which a person can improve their health, wealth, and personal relationships.
This plays into relationships because whatever mindset you have towards situations in marriage is what manifests.
Marriage at its core is all about respect for the other person — and respect goes both ways.
Your thoughts, mindset, and attitude towards marriage really matter.
If you have a positive mindset towards the concept of marriage, then you open up the possibilities of having a successful marriage with your partner. Your partner might just be “The One”!
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6. Your relationship is built on trust
A marriage without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it as long as you want but it will not go anywhere.
One of the most important aspects of a strong, happy, and successful relationship is trust.
It is important that you and your partner fully trust and support each other. It is important to commit to making decisions together, planning your lives together, strategizing together, and communicating well together.
The reality is that trust is built slowly over time. The basis of trust is really the idea of attunement.
The work of building trust happens slowly as you move through life.
If you wholeheartedly trust your partner and know that you can count on them through thick and thin, then they might be “The One”. It might also be time to take the next step. Maybe you should marry your partner.
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7. You create your own relationship
Life isn’t about finding yourself. It is about creating yourself. — George Bernard Shaw
And as Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. explains in an article in Psychology Today, creating goals as a couple is one of the most powerful and connecting things you can do.
It is important to create your own relationship with your partner. A relationship where you understand and fulfil each other’s needs. You both know that what makes other relationships tick might be different for yours — and being okay with that.
You and your partner should also create your own traditions. These special moments you create will benefit your relationship
Create special moments to remember and develop your own traditions as a couple. They will help you create special memories to cherish for a lifetime.
A great marriage does not happen because of the love you had in the beginning but because of how well you continue building love until the end.
If you and your partner already create your own relationship through your actions, then your partner might just be “The One” for you. This may be a subtle indicator that you should get married!
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And now, your thoughts…
This is not a comprehensive list of the things you should consider when you are looking for “The One” or when you decide you want to get married. It is however a guide to help you check some important boxes.
The wrong partner will always make excuses. The right partner will make plans with you, commit to them, and follow through on them.
Being alive, and being with someone you love is a special occasion. Live up your life.
Marriage is not a noun, it is a verb. It isn’t something you get, it is something you do. It is the way you love your partner every single day. — Barbra de Angelis
I wish you loads and loads of love in your relationships.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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