Is it selfish to be single? Many people agree with that common stereotype. They believe single people don’t care about anyone but themselves.
Back in the year 1950, about 22% of people were single. It’s now up to 50.2%. Why are so many people single today? Are they selfish people that don’t care about others?
Here are 7 reasons that prove single people aren’t selfish.
They need their freedom
Some people in this world are free spirits. They love to explore the world and do their own thing. They don’t want someone in their life to restrict their movement and stop them from doing the things they love to do.
A single friend of mine loves to travel. He’s one of the nicest people I know. He loves his family and friends deeply. Yet travel is his passion. He’s constantly traveling abroad to visit beautiful places. He’s in love with life.
He likes doing what he wants — when he wants. And he’s well aware that if he couldn’t have a life where he could come and go as he pleased, he’d be miserable. That would cause his partner to be miserable too.
My friend is unselfish. He refuses to tie himself down to neglect a partner. He doesn’t ever want to feel stuck in a relationship.
The only way he would commit to someone is if his girlfriend loved to travel as much as he does. He hasn’t met her yet.
They need variety in partners
Some people need variety. They can’t be magnanimous. If they committed to someone, they couldn’t honor their vows.
They love dating interesting people and don’t want exclusive relationships. They often fall for more than one person at a time. They flirt with every attractive person they meet. This would cause major stress in a committed relationship.
They can’t ever see themselves settling down with one person. And no one they’ve met in their lives has ever made them want to do it. Knowing their true nature, they’re resolved to stay single. They don’t want to hurt people. In that way, they’re not being selfish.
They’re pursuing a career
It takes focus to pursue a career. Some people are so enthralled with their career, they want to work night and day. This wouldn’t be fair to a partner. They’d never see the person they love and could cause them to feel resentful.
Some men have made it work with a supportive wife. Countless women have given up their careers, so they could support their partner’s dreams wholeheartedly. Yet by doing so, those women gave up their own dreams to focus on them.
Many men have partners like this. Think of the writer or musician — whose wife leaves them in a peaceful office or studio to write or record, while she assumes all the household duties. That’s not usually the case with women.
Women with careers still do most of the housework. A Gallup poll showed even though women comprise almost half of the workforce, they still do the majority of household chores.
And some men gave up their careers to enable their woman’s careers.
What person wouldn’t love a partner that cooked for them, cleaned for them, did the laundry, and raised their children so they could pursue the career they wanted?
This is a difficult path for both sexes. It takes a lot of love and communication to make it work. It’s not for everyone.
You can’t blame a single person for choosing a different path. Some single women love that they can focus on a writing project without worrying about catering all day to a spouse. Is it selfish to pursue the career they’ve always dreamed of?
Their focus is to help their community
Every moment in every day, people are dedicating their lives to helping people in their community. Many of these people are single.
Many of the people that volunteer the most at my church are single. They are some of the most unselfish people I know. They participate in the music ministry and raise money to help the poor.
Single people I know volunteer in soup kitchens, and host fundraisers to help the community.
A childless woman I know has spent her life volunteering leading a children’s choir. Another works as a nanny helping another family with childcare.
Single people are making a difference for others, which is definitely not selfish of them.
They’ve loved and lost
Some singles attempted to form committed relationships. They fell in love and their love interest rejected them. Or they married and became victims of domestic violence. They had to divorce their spouse to save themselves.
Some singles wanted to be coupled with someone but had their hearts broken. Some of them were never able to attract a partner, and that’s not their fault.
Some of them married but lost the love of their life to death. They can’t bear to be with anyone else, because they once had the best. Their spouse is irreplaceable in their hearts.
Now they are loving to their family and friends. They have a lot of love to give. Instead of giving it to a partner, they are caring for a dog or cat.
Some shower their nieces and nephews with their time and attention.
These singles aren’t selfish people at all. They were merely unlucky in romantic love.
They’d rather be alone than with the wrong person
“It’s far better to be alone than to wish you were.” — Ann Landers
People often are made to feel they’re nothing without a partner. They’re told they aren’t getting any younger and should take anyone they can get.
People tell them they’re too picky. They should settle. Yet, some people would rather be alone than spend their lives with the wrong person.
There’s nothing selfish about a person knowing what they want and holding out for it. They’d be selfish if they did settle for someone, and couldn’t give that person the love they deserved.
It’s better to risk being alone than to commit to someone they don’t love.
They’re waiting for the right timing
Some people choose to be single because they’re preoccupied with other issues that take priority in their lives. They’re caring for an elderly relative or helping a disabled sibling.
Some just began a new career. They can’t afford to treat a partner the way they’d like to.
They’re struggling to overcome an addiction, and don’t want to subject someone to their problems.
They’re in college and studying for law school. They can’t see themselves coupled up with anyone until they get more settled.
This isn’t selfish behavior. These are responsible people who are trying to do the right thing.
Don’t believe the stereotypes
There are stereotypes about single people that we shouldn’t believe. We should get to know each person on a case-by-case basis.
Do selfish single people exist? Of course — but most are not. Truth be told, many partnered people are selfish too. We shouldn’t judge people until we know them personally.
Even though it’s ideal to have a loving partner, sometimes remaining single is the better choice.
Previously Published on medium
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
|Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often||Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It||The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex||..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything|
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo credit: iStock