If there’s something that I want to constantly work on is to be more emotionally secure. It helps in many life areas to make things easier.
For many years I’ve observed the big differences between those who are successful in their relationship and those who aren’t. One of the differences is apparently on how they feel secure with themselves. They don’t overthink or create unnecessary drama just to get their partner’s attention.
Below are the other big differences that highly emotionally secure people do when it comes to their love life:
They don’t try to change their partner.
“Affection is when you see someone’s strengths; love is when you accept someone’s flaws.” — One Day
It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting to change someone’s mind or way of doing something just to fulfill your expectation. Highly secure people know it’s not going to happen.
So when they enter the relationship, they know it’s what they get. Instead of trying to “fix” the person, they prefer to accept it fully and be grateful that they find someone who wants to make it work.
They don’t feel overly jealous.
Too much jealousy can ruin your relationship. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t trust them, let alone accuse them of cheating. That’s what a toxic relationship is, and emotionally secure people are just not into it.
This doesn’t mean they never feel jealous. Of course, they do. But they never react in a certain way that makes them look like a crazy person. They know they can trust their partner, and overthinking whether their partner is cheating or not doesn’t serve a good purpose.
They don’t second doubts their partner’s all the time.
You probably have seen those people who always think negatively to towards their partner. On the other hand, they also need constant reassurance that their partner loves them. That type of behavior will bring so much pressure and low moments in the relationship.
Emotionally secure people don’t do this. They appreciate and show their love to their partner all the time. They know a relationship is hard work, and rather than focusing on what’s missing, they instead try to create ways of how to thrive in the relationship.
They take some alone time regularly.
We’ve seen people who are way too attached to the relationships and ended up ruining every single of them. Emotionally secure people know how to avoid this.
That’s why they take some alone time every now and then to keep the relationship fresh. They know life is so much more than being with someone. You can do other things that are equally enjoyable, such as doing your hobby or creating new exciting projects.
I’ve never seen an emotionally secure who likes to revolve their life around their partner so much. They always have something going on that is unrelated to their relationship.
They don’t expect their partner to make them happy.
“The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.” — Neale Donald Walsch
Emotionally secure people know that their happiness isn’t in someone’s else hands. It’s on theirs. They are the ones who decide what makes them happy, and they have their own way of creating those feelings.
Even before they get into the relationship, they are already content with what they have. You can tell they are happy whether they are single or being in a relationship. It’s because they don’t expect their partner to fill the void inside them.
They don’t blame their partner when they feel bad.
“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” — Emily Kimbrough
This is another big difference I noticed with highly emotionally secure people. Instead of blaming their partner right away when they feel shitty, they instead take a step back and find ways to make them feel better.
Even if the situation is indeed sucks and nothing they can do about it, they don’t lash out their frustration to their partner. They accept it and are ready to move on.
We know it’s easier said than done. But again, even on the bad days, emotionally secure people don’t expect their partner to change how they feel. Their less expectation in the relationship is what makes it more stable and meaningful.
They communicate their needs in the relationship.
“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.” — Catherine Gilbert Murdock
The biggest mistake I made in my relationship was not to openly communicate what I needed. It made it hard for both my partner and me as it created misunderstandings and many arguments.
Then I noticed emotionally secure people have this great skill of communicating what they want in the relationship. They know what they can or can’t tolerate. Of course, they’ll also respect their partner’s needs too. It always goes both ways.
So when you are dating someone who’s highly emotionally secure, you can expect clear communication that you don’t have to play the guessing game.
. . .
Being emotionally secure isn’t easy. It takes a long time to finally reach the point. But I can tell you that it’s worth a try.
My relationship wouldn’t be this stable if I didn’t work hard on myself. I knew my partner is and has always been emotionally secure, and that is what inspires me every day.
There are certain relationship struggles that you can’t escape, but at least being emotionally secure helps you navigate the relationship better without so much drama and heartbreaks.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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