Getting your heart broken at any age sucks, but it can hurt horribly if it is your first time in love. I was heartbroken a year ago during the break of Corona; the break of my relationship happened too.
It was my first proper heartbreak as a young person, I would say. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him, get married, have babies, but it didn’t work out, so I was left all alone during the first lockdown (not to make you feel sorry for me!).
Nearly a year on, and I am learning more about myself and what I want from a relationship again. But it took time. You must learn to love yourself again when going through heartbreak to thrive again as a single strong young person — don’t you agree?! Because to love yourself heals every problem.
So here are seven ways to love yourself as a young, heartbroken person.
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Forgive yourself and let the past go.
First and foremost, whatever break-up you have gone/going through, please stop being hard on yourself. There will be so many regrets coming up that it may be hard to let go and forgive yourself, but you must forgive and forget to love yourself.
I found this one of the hardest things to begin with because I couldn’t forgive myself for letting him go in the first place. I knew things were going bad between us, but why didn’t we work it out? I was beating myself up about things not working and living in the past where our best memories were. I wasn’t helping myself by remembering all the good times, so I would then come up with bad times.
Pro-tip to get over someone: Remember all your bad times together and realise what wasn’t working out.
Also, remember there are better days to come, so for them to come and for you to love yourself again, you must first forgive yourself:
“If I hadn’t forgiven myself, I wouldn’t be strong enough to love someone this much.”― Dawn Lanuza, The Hometown Hazard
Praise yourself
The second way to love yourself as a young, heartbroken person is to praise yourself. We don’t do this enough do we?! I feel as humans, we tend to beat ourselves up more than we praise ourselves personally. It is just easier to find your faults rather than realise what is going well.
Either way, you will come out of this break-up stronger and heal your heartbreak even when it doesn’t feel like this is possible. I remember I felt the same way. I felt as if things were never going to get better, so I would criticise myself because my relationship was failed, and all my other friends could hold relationships much longer than me. Why was this case? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I have a long-lasting relationship? What was I doing wrong? All these questions I faced were stopping me from praising myself.
So I started to tell myself how strong I am for going through this and finding little things that I am good at. For example, despite my break-up, I wrote my first short self-help book and taught yoga every day! These were my ways of loving myself again — how do you love yourself? It was helping me a ton to let out my emotions and find therapy in my two passions.
Be humble and happy when praising yourself:
“A person’s pride will bring about his downfall, but the humble in spirit will gain honor.” — Proverbs 29:23
Accept your negative and positive attributes.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
There’s going to be days when you notice your negative attributes more than your positive ones. In fact, this is most days. Like humans, we tend to notice what is wrong with us more than what is good. That is why listing three things you are grateful for every morning will help with this.
When I was first going through my break-up, I tried to make good habits again, like journaling my emotions out, praying and reading my bible, and listing three things I am grateful for every day. I felt blessed because this wasn’t hard for me and didn’t make me feel bad. But I know a friend in a deep depression where this exercise may make you feel worse because you “should” feel better but don’t. So remember: stop putting pressure or judgment on yourself and be.
As Roy Bennett says in his love yourself quote, we must accept ourselves and keep moving on in all our faults and fine aspects.
Stop criticism
“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.”– Roy T. Bennett
Another love yourself quote from Roy Bennett is that we shouldn’t let our demons push us around. Maybe your ex pushed you around too, and now you notice it more when being solitary and serene in your presence. Maybe your ex didn’t show you the love you deserved, but you were in denial and thought they were the best. Maybe your ex had some issues that you were trying to sort out but noticed it isn’t your responsibility, and they must do it on their own. The latter was my problem. I criticised myself for not helping him the way I should have and then criticised my capability to be a good girlfriend. However, it wasn’t entirely my duty to be his therapist, so to say.
Either way, whatever you are going through, you may be criticising yourself for things not working out. Remember: this is completely normal, and you are only human. There is no need to beat yourself up about these things not working out, but be there for yourself and treat yourself like you want someone else to treat you. Love yourself, and others will start loving you too.
Embrace change
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”– Oprah Winfrey
Change is a constant. And it is tough. Change is a difficult thing to deal with when going through a break-up! There is so much of it; it’s like your life has just been tipped upside down. Not having anyone speak to you about everything to feelings of loneliness cripple you; change can be something to struggle with when left heartbroken.
But to love yourself again, you must embrace this change. When my ex first left me, I danced in my room like a bird flying free again. I put my music on really loud (so loud that the neighbours came up and had a go at me, hehe) and let myself go. I then made myself some lunch and started writing on my desktop. That created my first short self-help book, where I healed myself by writing and writing and dancing around. What is it that allows you to embrace change? Change is a constant, and it can work wonders when truly embraced; you have to change your attitude and start to love yourself again.
Be gentle to yourself.
“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
Being kind to yourself is sooooo important. As stated before, my best friend set me a new year’s resolution to start treating myself like a friend. I embraced the challenge and noticed how my horrible dictator or monkey mind didn’t survive long when I would speak to it with care and compassion, as I would a friend in need.
When heartbroken and hopeless, it’s easy to beat yourself up and neglect the gentleness that is stored within you. I remember going through my break-up, and writing was my therapy (if you haven’t guessed by now!) where I would learn to be gentle to myself by writing with my subconscious telling me how to treat myself. You see, we all know how to treat ourselves kindly because look at the way you treat that older adult in the street or the young child who is your neighbour or niece. We all have this innate quality of kindness within us ready to be released when we don’t expect, so use it towards yourself. Be kind to yourself.
Support yourself
“Beliefs that are good promote your potential and enhance your unique special qualities.”– Deborah Day
Last but not least, support yourself again as a heartbroken person. If you don’t support yourself, then, of course, others will support you, but you are your biggest support. You have to live with yourself forever — that’s the way I think about it. When I was going through a debilitating time of depression not long ago, I couldn’t handle the fact that I would have to be with myself all my life as I was not supporting myself or being kind to myself.
It would be hard for me to shower, get out of bed, do the little normal daily duties that are expected of us. It was only when I realised that I was the only one that would support myself and get myself back up did I start trying to do the little things that led to the bigger things like making writing my daily routine.
Whatever routine you may have, stick to it. When heartbroken, it’s easy to get out of your routine and feel like crap. Ok, feel like crap and cry for however long you need to, but remember you are there for yourself, and you will pick yourself back up again. Enhance your unique special qualities by learning to love yourself again and supporting yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
In conclusion
Seven ways to love yourself again as a heartbroken person include:
- Supporting yourself physically, mentally, emotionally.
- Being kind to yourself as you are to strangers and friends.
- Embracing change with an open mindset.
- Stopping your self-criticism and loving yourself for who you are.
- Accepting your negative and positive attributes in all their beauty.
- Praising yourself constantly at how well you are doing!
- Forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to move on.
I hope these points will help you to love yourself again and that your heart may heal.
Before you go
Thanks for being here.❤
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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