8 Normalized Lies That Encourage You to Stay Single

I’ve watched the debates about relationships.

I’ve listened to the podcasts. Everything is up for discussion. You can’t win whether you have money or don’t, even if you want to abide by traditional home roles.

Here are some lies worth abandoning for healthier dates.

…

1. The way you judge people

In today’s world, you’re either toxic, charming, or narcissistic.

Facebook pages. Some online social detective groups will tell people to stay away from you. One led me to learn a super cool detail about personalities.

We push away what we want most.

As a child, narcissists did not get praise or approval from their parents. So, as an adult they focus on themselves. Hard. You don’t need to label someone to move on. Do you like the effect someone has on you? If “no”, walk away.

We’re all trying to heal and protect our feelings the best way we know how.

2. The way you show love

It’s easy to see how the hook-up culture grew in our society. Many didn’t have any physical touch for two years.

Sex isn’t love.

It’s one way to show love.

Say it.

Someone asked if people still care about getting asked to be a boy or girlfriend. Yes, it still matters. Communication is a critical love language.

3. The way you react to people’s truths

Imagine someone stopped being their mysterious selves.

They want you to know their weird or high-maintenance side. Let’s say the guy expects a trad wife. Or the woman hopes for princess treatment.

Your shocked emotions are valid.

Also valid are their expectations.

You and that person feel how you do. And it shouldn’t be up for debate.

So, many breakups and divorces happen because you wake up and realize you want what you want. Don’t bother arguing or guilting the person over to your side. Or moving yourself to theirs.

Kids. Treatment. Finances will become non-negotiable again later in life.

4. The way you respond to people’s behavior

You would be selfish if you didn’t care what others thought of you.

A content creator went from wasting food to feeding the hungry. They cared to change the narrative in their comment section.

You (most humans) seek external validation. Confidence comes from how we interact with our environment. Don’t join the internet critics in judging what your date wears.

External validation leads to internal self-empowerment.

What happens when you are kinder? Your partner feels okay being themselves. And you encounter less pretentious people.

5. The way you express your opinions

So, what if people want attention?

So, what if you fell for the trap and gave them attention? Avoid belittling them online or in their face.

You can shake your head and walk away.

Every date feels like you’re dating bots. Why do all the dating app users say the same things? If so, meet people outside and exchange numbers.

I’ve seen so many long-distance relationships for that one reason. You may be in a physical dating echo chamber. Date outside your local zone.

6. The way you self-empower

Self-love coach. Yes. It’s a self-given job title. Someone will teach you how to add mini self-soothing techniques to your day.

We also need deep treatment.

The companion of self-care is therapy. Everyone is healing. Yet, there are more mean dating terms than when your mom and dad met.

Self-love is also an invisible bubble wrap. “I’ll give myself love. So, I won’t need to let anyone get to know me.” It’s okay to let people know you.

7. The way you relate to partners

Everything isn’t about your attachment type. Sometimes, there is an explanation other than your inner child needing love.

Labels feel good at first. “Yay, I know who I am.” Afterward, it can feel sad. “Oh no, am I a terrible person no one will love.”

When labeled (even by yourself), it’s scary.

You’re not ready to do the work needed to change.

You are worthy of love. It’s not the end of the world if you are a clinger or anti-social. Focus on the qualities you’re ready to improve.

8. The way you accept relationship rules

Relationships are diverse. The people involved in them are unique. On the surface, hook-up culture says don’t wait. Coaches say you know by x date if a partner is the one.

You don’t have to subscribe to advice or what’s hip in the culture.

Go based on your feelings. Trust your gut. Married people are still wondering if they chose the one. If dating advice leaves you anxious, create your own rules to follow.

…

Thank you for reading this post.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***