8 Priceless Insights Gained From Navigating Relationships and Self-Healing

When the student is ready the teacher appears, and that’s exactly what happened when I met my Ex-Wife nineteen years ago in a gym. I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but it felt right at that moment. Prior to this engagement, I struggled severely with social anxiety. Due in part to my stuttering.

Yes, I stuttered for about 10 years of my life (12–22). What I didn’t take into consideration how depressed I was because of it. Now, that I have a general definition of what depression was I exhibited all the symptoms (Social withdrawal, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, Difficulty concentrating or making decisions, & Restlessness or irritability)

What I needed was a break before I ventured into this next stage of my healing journey, and just wasn’t self-aware of the fact that I needed to take a step back, gather myself, and relax. I prided myself on moving all the time. I just couldn’t sit still and that affected every area of my life.

Why I wanted to do things in a quick fast hurry still boggles my mind to this day. Nevertheless, bring on the long-term relationship as a millennial. The time frame was 2004- 2023, I am painting my lessons as they come to me.

One of the reasons I find my situation unique is that it’s rare that a millennial couple could stay together for 19 years. I am sure multiple situations like mine exist I am just not aware of it.

Let me first state the obvious, I believe she came into my life as a Teacher to help me work out my many issues from a past-life experience. When it comes to relationships you must reflect on the why of your affairs. Some say that people come into our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime.

I now discerned that these hard-fought lessons were for a season of my life. Not everyone we marry or intermingle with is supposed to carry us to retirement. As a proponent of Marriage, I understand that as humans we can sometimes make a wrong relationship turn and end up separating out or getting a divorce altogether.

So much for backtracking when we are already headwind into the lesson. I am going to run through these 8 insights swiftly as they extend from my life experiences. I will offer a bit of commentary for each one.

In the end, just know that we have multiple teenage children and carry much respect for each other’s forward progression and teaching lessons. It was important that I use my pain as a methodology for healing myself and others.

Although I feel the last 19 years were an incredible success, I still learned some hard truths along the way that hopefully can help at least one person on their journey.

Never Run from Pain: I wanted out so many times in this long relationship. The confusion was too much to handle at times and I wasn’t able to turn to alcohol, drugs, infidelity, or food because those things never held sway in my life. I just had to sit in the pain and deal with my own fears and emotional baggage. I am a better man simply because I didn’t force my way out of this Karmic Lesson.

Subscribe to God’s Voice 1st: At various intervals in my relationship, the isolation became too much of a burden to bear. No friends, confidants, clicks, or homies to turn to. I felt like Joseph in the Pit. I was shut out from my past and placed in the fiery furnace of my thoughts. Nothing would change for me until I started seeking God first. Yes, it’s called a Yoke.

Trust The Process: It was hard at first, but I had to trust that God knew my situation better than I could ever. I faced many dark night-of-the-soul moments where I wanted to inflict pain on others. Having to rely on nobody but God was hard at first. He closed all doors so that he and only he could get the credit.

Fear nobody but God: Never throw the baby out with the bath water. As toxic as the confrontations where I had to take the pain in stride knowing, that God had a plan and purpose for the mental and verbal abuse. If you are on a divine assignment never let your better half guilt trip you into not doing what God said to do.

Never give a woman your heart: She must earn it. King Solomon gave his heart to 1000 women, and we see how that ended. My heart comes with Kingdom Giving. Enough said.

Karma is real: I was a big successful Corporate Executive in a past life, who took advantage of others. Now I have returned to serve from the bottom and support the healing of the nations. I am reaping what I sowed in a previous life.

Never move in with a woman unless you are married: Control is the name of the game especially when you are a highly independent person. He who loves the least controls the relationship. And how can you control anything on someone else’s dime? Always move through life as a free agent if possible.

Never give up: I needed the pain. I needed to be sad. I needed the confusion. The loss was necessary. As hard as I fought to bury my past and neglect the irony of my failures, it was necessary for me to ride out the storms of life.

In Closing,

It’s important to remember that each lesson carried years of memories, scars, and pain as well as triumphs. We all will go through seasons of uncertainty, and it’s in the learned lessons that present us the greatest hope for healing ourselves and humanity as a whole.

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This post was previously published on Blkpostr Health.

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