8 Secret Signs That She’s Not Into You

The early stages of a relationship are the most exciting.

The possibilities are endless. You’re still fantasizing about the other person and creating stories in your mind about your future together. When they arrive, you feel butterflies on your stomach, and it feels impossible to stop smiling.

But it’s also a tricky moment.

You’re not intimate enough to discuss your future, and you still don’t know how to read the other person. So you spend hours trying to interpret their actions and words.

My best friend, Linda, met a guy recently. His name is Daniel, and according to her, he’s handsome, intelligent, and kind. Everything looks well.

Except Linda has no idea whether he likes her or not.

Here’s the thing: Linda went through a terrible breakup recently. She’s terrified of having another heartbreak. So meeting new people is already a step out of her comfort zone.

Linda and I were determined to get to the bottom of this. We opened a bottle of wine and started discussing. How do you know if a guy is into you?

We started with the basics. Since we’re women, we thought of ourselves. How do we act when we like someone? Even better: what do we do when we’re not interested?

It didn’t take us long to come up with eight behaviors that indicate a woman is not that into him:

1. She never replies to your texts.

Or, if she does, it takes forever.

We check our phones countless times every day. My screen usage time has an average of eight hours per day. And we all have time for a quick text.

Yes, she saw your text — and chose not to reply.

Think with me: when you’re genuinely interested, you reply as soon as you can. You wait for that text all day, and when it finally arrives, you can barely hold yourself back.

There might be a decent reason not to reply — her phone died, she was busy at work, or she genuinely didn’t see it. But people are generally straightforward with their behavior. If she wanted to talk to you, she’d reply. It’s as simple as that.

Leaving you on read is a clear sign that she’s not interested enough.

2. She doesn’t introduce you to her friends.

When there’s something nice going on in your life, you want to share it with your friends. Sharing your wins is a way to build genuine connections.

The same logic applies to relationships. So try to discover if she’s hesitant to introduce you to her friends.

Meeting the people who are important to her is a meaningful step. When you make your relationship public, it becomes more official. It’s a step towards a serious commitment. After all, you won’t introduce a one-night-stand to your friends.

If she’s avoiding this step, she’s probably avoiding committing to you.

3. She doesn’t care how she looks.

Let’s be honest: getting ready takes effort. The to-do list is long — shaving, fixing your hair, doing your makeup, choosing the perfect outfit, the perfect perfume. It’s an investment of time and money.

When you start dating, you want to impress the other person. So you put in the extra effort to get ready and to look your best.

Sure, some women put in more effort than others — some wear more makeup, while others care more about the outfit. The secret here is to find out her style.

For example, if she never wears makeup, but she does for the date, it means she cares. But if she always gets ready and shows up for the date in a lazy look, it’s a sign that she doesn’t want to put in the effort for you.

4. She doesn’t make eye contact.

People can lie with words, but not with their bodies. Your body language is a direct reflection of your true intentions. If you’re unsure whether she likes you or not, read her body language.

When someone likes you, they tend to be more open.

Pay attention to these signs: keeping eye contact, moving closer to you, smiling, uncrossed legs and arms, and pointing their body towards you.

In contrast, if she seems distant, it’s a sign that she’s not interested.

5. She invites you to go out too late.

If she takes the initiative and invites you to go out, pay attention to the timing. Does she text some days before? Or only late at night, when there’s nothing else going on?

Texting a few days ahead makes it easier to plan. It increases the chances that you’re still available, and it’s easier to find a suitable time for both parties. Besides, it shows that she cares and respects your time.

But if she texts on a Saturday night, I’m guessing she was bored at home — probably because her friends were already busy and no one else called her.

It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to go out with you. But it shows that you were not her first choice.

6. She doesn’t give you her full attention.

Attention is a scarce resource. There’s an entire world in your phone competing for it — your messages, social media, e-mails, and even your side hustle.

Giving your full attention to your date is a sign of appreciation.

If she seems more interested in her phone than in you, she probably is. It means she’s not grateful for the time you’re spending with her and your attention. And gratitude is a sign of caring.

When you’re on a date, giving attention to your partner is the bare minimum. If she doesn’t even do the minimum, she’s not into you.

7. She doesn’t let you pay the bill.

Paying the bill is a sign of kindness.

Before meeting my boyfriend, I went on a date with this really nice guy. I wasn’t physically attracted to him, but he was kind and polite, so I decided to give him a chance. By the end of the date, I was still unsure whether he’d get a second shot or not.

So when he offered to pay, I felt guilty. I insisted on paying for my part.

By not allowing him to pay for me, I felt free to turn him down. It was an unconscious feeling, but I didn’t want to take advantage of a nice guy, especially if I was still unsure of my feelings.

Accepting the act of kindness makes it more difficult to reject you in the future. So if she rejects it, it might be bad news.

8. She doesn’t mirror your behavior.

Mirroring is when someone imitates someone else’s body language and tone of voice. It’s a strategy to build rapport and create a deeper connection.

Although it could be used intentionally, it’s also a type of non-verbal communication that happens subconsciously. Since it happens subconsciously, it can indicate attractiveness.

So next time you’re on a date, notice how in sync you are.

On the contrary, if she doesn’t mimic your behavior, it could mean that she’s not connected to you.

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When it comes to dating, interpreting the signs is crucial. How a person behaves tells you more than what they say. However, at the beginning of relationships, it’s easy to overlook these signs. You’re full of expectations, starting to fall in love, and the truth is not always nice.

But the most helpful piece of advice is: if you have to wonder, you probably already know the answer.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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