There are several things that can lead to a breakup. Equally, there are several post-breakup mistakes to avoid that people keep on making. These mistakes end up worsening an already complicated situation that usually results from a painful breakup.
While some people are capable of naturally handling breakups in a mature way without causing any drama, many others can’t. On an average, an individual’s background and relationship experience often influences how they behave after a breakup.
Yet, the pain and sudden change after a breakup simply throw a large majority of people off balance. Essentially, most people find themselves in an emotionally confusing and messed up state of mind. In this condition, their emotions simply override their logic.
This makes them to make decisions that are neither logical nor healthy for their sanity. As a result, they end up doing things they might not otherwise do due to the effect of the breakup.
Thus, when going through a breakup, there’s an increased natural tendency of you making illogical post-breakup mistakes you might later regret. And most of these actions in question are totally ineffective methods to adopt when trying to win your ex back.
Sadly, making these post-breakup mistakes has the tendency of making your ex more annoyed and frustrated with you. Creating such a situation only make matters worse. This is because it has the effect of pushing your ex farther away from you.
It’s true that not all breakups are the same and thus there are no set rules that effectively applies to all situations. However, there are some things you should stop doing irrespective of the situations surrounding your breakup.
So, if you want to stop hurting sooner rather than later, here are some of the serious post-breakup mistakes you should avoid at all cost.
1. Blaming Yourself
Blaming yourself about whatever caused the breakup in your relationship will only worsen things. This is because your mind is presently in a state of emotional confusion. Your present chaotic thinking patterns will not allow you to think constructively and dispassionately about anything concerning the breakup.
However, there are times when you feel that you did something wrong that might have caused the breakup. Yet, it might be helpful to think that this might very well be the last straw that broke the camel’s back. It might just be an incidence in a long list of problems from both sides.
But then if you did cause the actual situation that precipitated the breakup, then take the blame for it. You’ll also need to come to terms with the situation at hand and forgive yourself for those mistakes.
2. Isolating Yourself
Often, after a breakup, what most people want to do is just keep to themselves. The heartbreak makes them feel it’s best to be alone and completely isolated from the world in their current misery.
So, they hold up in their apartment, remain in bed all day, and simply forget about the world outside. But crawling under the covers will not help you in this condition.
Rather, you should be considering calling up your best friends and getting social again. Get out of the house and be happy, see the beauty the world has to offer and get active again to help you stop thinking about the breakup.
3: Engaging in Self-Indulgent Habits
After a breakup, a lot of people start excessively smoking, drinking, overeating, and at times fooling around. For instance, while eating can to some degree make you feel better, you end adding more weight in the process. This is one of the most serious post-breakup mistakes to avoid at all cost.
Getting out of shape at this point when you’re most vulnerable will make you feel and look lousy. But that’s not all, it may also create a cycle of depression. This only creates another problem to start worrying over again, complicating the whole situation.
Also, the use of alcohol is not a good idea during this period. Alcohol on its own is a well-known depressant. It may make you feel good about yourself temporarily. However, it ultimately adds more pain with the resultant hangovers and headaches. None of these excesses will give you any real short- or long-term benefits.
4. Running After Your Ex
In your desperation to get back together with your ex, you may want to start running after them. You want them to see more of you in the hope that they will start thinking more about you. This is a big no-no!
Never run after or stalk your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Instead, step back and give them some space. At the same time, you need to give yourself some space to find your footing again and regain your self-confidence. You really need to do this before ever starting to think about getting back together with your ex.
5. Begging Your Ex for Reacceptance
At times, your desperation to get your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend back may push you into doing things you shouldn’t be doing. One of such post-breakup mistakes that you must avoid is the tendency to want to plead with them to take you back.
Ladies especially tend to exhibit this tendency when they’re unable to cope without their ex. They simply go overboard and start pleading with their ex boyfriends to take them back. You definitely need to start following the no contact rule.
Avoid pleading with or even calling your ex about taking you back. Doing so will only end up stroking their ego or probably making them annoyed with you.
6. Hating Your Ex
It’s alright to feel hurt and annoyed with all that rollercoaster of negative emotions after the painful breakup with your ex. But becoming vengeful or spiteful towards your ex because of the breakup is a different thing altogether. This is irrespective of whether they’re the ones who broke up with you or not.
While it can be agreed that the anger is often natural, it however doesn’t have to become a public display. Displaying your anger and range publicly through inflicting pain, damaging properties or humiliating your ex are totally uncalled for.
They’ll only end up infuriating and driving your ex crazy. But more than that, this is one the post-breakup mistakes they may permanently destroy any chances of getting back together with your ex.
Thus, no matter how bad or explosive your breakup was, avoid developing any form of hatred towards your ex. Although you may feel powerful for a while, hating someone destroys you from the inside over time.
The best revenge you can have on your ex is to rise above your heartbreak and transform yourself into a better version of you. So, avoid attempting to send them hate messages or bad mouthing them on social networking sites. Such acts might just come back to haunt you later.
7. Pursuing Rebound Relationships
Having a rebound relationship too soon after a breakup to fill up the void is a delicate one among the common post-breakup mistakes. Yet’ it isn’t a good idea as such a decision can easily complicate things and even do more harm than good.
The truth is that you’ll be doing yourself a great disservice if you don’t wait long enough before dating again. Your breakup with your ex left a void that requires more than a rebound relationship to fill up.
Also, in your current frame of mind, you’re more likely to end up with the first person that shows the slightest ounce of care. This is definitely not what you want if you truly desire a healthy long-term relationship.
Another reason why this post-breakup mistake might negatively affect your recovery is that you need time to let the whole breakup thing sink in. Your breakup is a loss and like every other form of loss, you need time to grieve over it. And it’s usually a process you don’t rush over in order to properly heal and recover from.
There’s also the need for you to give yourself a chance to learn from the experience and to get back to the equilibrium of who you are. The breakup period is also a good time to take a deep breath and figure out what you really want from a relationship.
8. Stalking Your Ex on Social Media
As the saying goes, “the only way to heal a wound is to stop touching it.” To heal from the breakup with your ex, you need to stop thinking excessively about them.
In today’s world, social media usage is more or less an unavoidable part of our daily lives. This arguably makes it the biggest issue among the various post-breakup mistakes people often make today.
The emotional effects of the breakup are bound to make you want to “just check in” on your ex. The problem is that the longer you allow this persist, the longer it’s going to take you to get over the breakup and heal from it.
Thus, social media presents a great challenge to healing and moving on after a painful breakup. This is because scrolling through your former partner’s Facebook and social media feeds can easily trigger anger and grief.
Given the sheer difficulty of not looking into your ex’s social media feeds, your best bet is to take away that option. That way, there’ll be nothing for you to go looking into helping you avoid one of the vicious post-breakup mistakes.
In essence, it’s just so much better to unfriend or find a way to restrict access to your ex’s social media feeds. So, why not remove him or her from your friends list, unfollow them, or simply block them. These actions might look drastic but despite how hard they may seem, you need to do it if you truly want to heal and move on.
9. Trying to Get Over Your Ex on Your Own
This is obviously one of the main reasons why it takes so long for many people to get over their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend after a breakup. Trying to do it all by yourself is a very ineffective way of dealing with things after a breakup.
This is because your thoughts are clouded and you can hardly think clearly. Your judgments are thus bound to be emotional and irrational at the most and only worsen things for you. So, replace your need to text them with something healthier, like calling a friend or family member.
In Conclusion…
From the above, it’s obvious that for you to stand any chance of winning your ex back, you need to avoid making these post-breakup mistakes. In fact, there are so many mistakes that people make after a breakup, so know that you’re not alone.
It might not be that easy avoiding these mistakes considering the pain and changes that happen soon after a breakup. However, it’s something you REALLY need to do if you truly want to get your ex back.
If there’s any advice to give to anyone after a breakup, it would be to get an ex back plan. A good ex back plan will go a long way to help you avoid these and many other post-breakup mistakes.
Also, such a plan will help you process the pain of the breakup and heal from it. Equally, it will help you effectively decide on how to go about successfully getting back together with your ex.
So, when you’ve just broken up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to avoid doing these things after the breakup. Avoiding these mistakes will significantly increase your chances of getting back together with your ex.
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This post was previously published on Loving-Relationship.com and is republished on Medium.
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