Why don’t you just leave?
Why do you do everything he says?
Why did you get involved with him in the first place?
What do you see in him?
Why can’t you stand up to him?
How can you pretend that everything is ok?
Why have you gone back?
Why do you want to be with someone who hurts you?
It’s difficult to understand why victims stay in an abusive relationship, what drew them in in the first place and why they often return once they have managed to get away.
This may help you understand.
This guy is so into me; he hasn’t left me alone since we met.
He’s so loving and caring.
I feel so special when I am with him.
He wants me all to himself; it’s so romantic.
He could be the one. We can’t get enough of each other, and the feelings are really strong.
…
I’m not sure why he got angry when I went out with my friends. I’d never cheat on him. I love him.
What was that all about? He lost his temper over something so small. I don’t like the way he came at me. We need a break.
Ah, he looks so sad and upset. I’m sure he’s sorry, and he told me it will never happen again. I love him. Let’s work this out.
Yes, there he is. He’s gone back to being charming and attentive again. I knew it was just a blip.
Maybe I overacted in the first place; he seems to think so.
…
I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. Why is he angry with me?
It must be me. I need to sort myself out. I don’t want to lose him.
If I spend more time with him and less with my family and friends, he will feel more secure in our relationship.
We’ve been having such a lovely time. We’re so in love. All he needs is my love and attention.
…
I need to see my family and friends a bit more. I haven’t been answering my calls or meeting up with them. He knows how much I love him, and it’s healthy for us to do things separately.
That’s not fair. He shouldn’t be angry with me for wanting to see my friends. I’m going anyway, and I don’t care what he says.
17 missed calls? I’d better get back. Maybe something is wrong.
Why is he so annoyed and blanking me? I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I just went out to see my friend — he always does it.
This is horrible; I hate the silent treatment. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone out. It’s probably easier to stay in or go out when he does.
He looked so pleased when I told him I wouldn’t go out without them again and was affectionate all evening. He gets angry, but it’s only because he loves me so much. Maybe he’s right about my friends trying to break us up. They have said that they think I could do better.
…
I thought I looked nice, but he obviously thought differently. I’ll get changed into something he likes. As he said, he’s the only person I need to be impressing.
What’s wrong with the way I cooked dinner? I’ve always thought I was a great cook; maybe I’m not as good as I thought.
It’s true, I can’t do anything right, and I look awful. I’m so lucky to have him.
…
I don’t like the way he is controlling what I do. I need some space. I love him, but this doesn’t feel right. I’m going to suggest we have a break.
Oh my god, I can’t believe he hurt me. Surely, he didn’t do that on purpose?
No, of course, he didn’t. Look how upset he is.
Maybe I should stay, and we can work it out together. He said sorry and has promised it won’t happen again.
…
I’m tired.
My body is sore. I don’t know if I can physically take another beating.
I can’t think straight. I keep messing up.
I’m stupid, worthless, ugly and unimportant. That’s why he cheated on me.
I need to say and do exactly what he wants me to do. Then I won’t get hurt in any way.
…
I need to leave. I can’t take this anymore.
But where do I go? My family and friends are tired of me leaving and going back. I haven’t got any money.
He told me he would kill me if I left.
Maybe, if I change and be more of what he wants, we can be happy. That is the easiest thing to do.
…
Great, things have calmed down. He hasn’t hit me for a while now.
We’re laughing together again. He’s being affectionate. I need him. He’s the only one that can make me feel good about myself.
We’ve been through so much together. He’s the only one that understands.
I need to do whatever I can to keep him happy.
…
It’s never enough. No matter how hard I try, I always do something wrong.
I’m tired. I can’t cope.
Everything is such a mess. I don’t know what to do.
There’s only one way out of this.
No one will care if I’m not here anyway. I’m useless and unimportant.
What am I doing?
I can’t believe I was thinking of ending my life!
This has got to stop somehow.
I need to leave.
I will leave when he’s not here and go to my mums.
I’m shaking; I can’t believe I’ve actually left!
I’m not going to answer his calls or texts. I’m going to be strong this time.
This is it. I’m never going back.
…
I miss him.
He’s so upset and has been texting me all the time, saying how sorry he is and that it’s all his fault.
He wants a chance to show me he has changed.
I can see the person I fell in love with, and he said he’d never hurt me again if I went back.
I love him. I don’t think I can live without him.
I feel sorry for him. It’s not his fault he’s the way he is. He’s been through a lot.
He’s promised me he’s not angry and just wants to chat.
One chat won’t hurt. He deserves that after everything we’ve been through together.
…
I’m sorry mum, I know you’re going to be upset with me, but I love him, and I’m going back.
He won’t hurt me again, he’s promised.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: DANNY G on Unsplash
