A Lesson, Then a Plan: How a Sixth Grade Student Changed a Trans Teacher’s Life. [Video]

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As a child, Kai Morley never felt totally at ease in school. Though they identified as a girl, Kai wasn’t interested in the activities the other girls participated in, causing a lot of anxiety and emotional insecurity at the thought of even being in school. As Kai grew into adulthood and, ironically, became a teacher, they found themselves teaching a fearless and effervescent sixth-grader whose own personal style transcended gender norms. When a fellow teacher repeatedly misgendered this child, Kai began to wonder: why were they so protective of this child, and why couldn’t they live as authentically as the sixth grader? This pivotal moment proved to be a turning point for Kai, kickstarting their transition and leading a life “rooted in joy and love and freedom.”

Transcript provided by YouTube:

0:00
[Music]
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foreign
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Morley I’m from York Maine I identified
0:09
as a girl for most of my life but in
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fifth grade I started getting a lot of
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anxiety around school and it wasn’t
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until I realized that clothing and the
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way people showed up to school and were
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talking about crushes that that’s kind
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of when I realized this is just I don’t
0:23
really feel like I fit in I tried really
Anxiety in School
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hard to conform to them they would be
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wearing matching outfits that were pink
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you know talking about boys in school
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and it wasn’t until I got home where I
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could you know be free take off my
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outfit put on a baggy t-shirt shorts get
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dirty I was always a tomboy I’d be in
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the neighborhood out until the sun would
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go down playing basketball on my little
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you know tripod bike that had pegs on it
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would set up a little skate park but in
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school when I was in school I felt
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completely emotionally unsafe but I
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didn’t have the language to really I
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know why I actually started seeing a
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psychiatrist when I was in seventh grade
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and she actually said that I had what
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they call the school phobia which I
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always felt kind of weird for me because
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because I loved learning and I did well
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in school but just the thought of going
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to school caused me so much pain and
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anxiety so my junior year high school we
Career
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were doing some career exploration
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looking at our skills our strengths
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taking different assessments and I
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ultimately decided to be a teacher I
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made that decision because I really
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wanted to work with young people and
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provide them better life experiences and
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a better school experience than I had I
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went and I got my degree in K-8 special
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education at the age of 22 I started
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teaching I was teaching sixth seventh
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and 8th graders with special education
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and I then transitioned to become a
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health educator at this point in time I
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was still identifying as a girl as a
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woman and I honestly didn’t really think
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much about my gender the state of Maine
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in general is a very very small state
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very white very few marginalized groups
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of people so the only representation of
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the trans Community I’d see was just
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some really harmful problematic
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representations in the media so now I’m
Student
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25 years old I’m teaching middle school
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health I had one student in particular
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who was this array of sunshine and they
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brought their full authentic selves to
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school every single day and for them
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this looked like wearing dresses that
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their friends would help pick out they
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were wearing the most bright glitter
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full shoes sometimes even heels and they
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weren’t embarrassed by it they weren’t
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didn’t feel any shame their Joy would
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just radiate out of them in in meeting
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this student I knew that they were kind
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of making me realize some things in
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truth about myself but I didn’t again
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really want to look into so it’s about 7
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30 in the morning the teachers or my
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co-workers were standing outside the
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hallway waiting just for the flight of
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students to come up at 7 45 when the
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bell goes off and at this point in time
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teachers are Chit Chat and we’re talking
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about our lesson plans we’re talking
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about what we’re going to do after
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school but we’re also kind of talking
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about some students and I hear one of my
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teachers misgender the sixth grade
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student not once not twice but three
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times hearing this teacher misgender
Misgendered
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that student just made me incredibly
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angry it made me sad and it made me
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really honestly disappoint then I didn’t
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really have the courage to say anything
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or stand up for that student in that
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moment which I still think about a lot
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but what it did do was it kind of set an
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alarm off internally for myself of
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where is this coming from I feel very
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protective about this student for a
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variety of reasons why do I feel so
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uncomfortable about looking Inward and
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actually showing up as my authentic self
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when I see a sixth grader do this every
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day was just the most inspiring thing
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the rest of the day moved so slow every
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class period I felt like lasted hours
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there were 45 minutes and at the end of
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the day I was out of the school as soon
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as the last bell went off so after
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school I got in my car I picked up the
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phone I called Planned Parenthood the
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reason for this call was to set up a
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consultation just to talk about hormone
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replacement therapy what that means what
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that looks like it’s about a five minute
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call but the wait time to talk to a
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nurse was longer than the call itself I
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hung up the phone and I just sat in
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silence for 20 minutes as I drove home
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snow was falling down around me and
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tears were just falling down my face but
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they weren’t tears of being sad as much
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as they were just tears of absolute
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relief and so really that Relief really
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stemmed from me stepping forward in my
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own truth and knowing that my life is
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going to be changed completely and in
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the best ways and the ways that they’ve
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always intended to be I had the
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opportunity to teach the sixth grader
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for three years as a sixth seventh and
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eighth grader actually and without them
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knowing it they inspired me and they
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honestly changed the trajectory of my
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life so I’ve now been on testosterone
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for three and a half years I actually
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started really slowly physically
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transitioning so I started on the lowest
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dose possible as a gel and then every
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three weeks I’d have a nurse for that
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from Planned Parenthood and they I would
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remember them asking me what changes are
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you welcoming and I’d always say all of
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them I want more changes more and more
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more and so we just slowly just jumped
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made small increments up to the full
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dose that I’m at now which so probably
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has been about two and a half years
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it has brought it has changed my life in
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the best possible ways I think a lot of
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the times the narrative around the trans
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experience is one that’s really harmful
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it was a lot of pain a lot of hurt but
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honestly our trans experience is just
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full of joy and love and just being able
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to show that every day I’m hoping that
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it can build more empathy from the
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cisgender community but also for the
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trans Community which is really what my
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platform is for for the trans people
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folks out there who might not know that
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they’re trans just to have language and
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representation of what their life could
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possibly look like and one that is
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rooted in joy and love and freedom
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foreign

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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