The Wolves in Our Pack – The Steady
The following 5-Part Series examines men’s friendships; how we find them, how we cultivate them, and what they do for us, and our friends.
In college, I joined a fraternity not really knowing what I was getting into. I had some concept of those mega Greek systems at large universities, however at my small, liberal arts college in northern Texas, pledging an organization was more like joining a social club. But after the festivities of Bid Night ended, a certain reality set in: the group I joined was going to require some work.
The night of our first rally, we were instructed to “dress for the elements.” At about 8 pm, the ten of us new pledges met in Jeff’s room to prepare. Before joining the fraternity, I’d formed an easy friendship with Jeff during Freshman Orientation, and through the classes we both shared, plus, we were neighbors in the same dorm.
Jeff was the tallest in our pledge class, and wore shaggy hair our freshman year. He was a party animal like the rest of us, but the week before we signed our bid cards, he had his hair cut short and clean, almost military. He was preparing.
That cold February night, dressed for the elements, the ten of us stood in Jeff’s dorm, nervous, excited, worried. We reviewed each others’ names, our hometowns, our families. We had very little information or instruction other than getting to know each other.
Just before departing his room, Jeff called our attention to his open Bible. He proceeded to read a passage, Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction-style, that invoked fear, anger, and an undeniable fire in all of us that, whatever lie ahead that night, we were going to triumph. We left his room ready for battle.
Jeff was, and still is that man. He’s always been the steady. The head and shoulders. The logical thinker and the compass. His earnestness, along with an innate skill set to solve problems quickly and efficiently, continues to amaze and inspire me.
When I was in Mexico this summer, Jeff flew down to meet me in Oaxaca City. We spent a couple of nights drinking the finest mezcal and dining on some of the best food in Mexico. On our last day, we bought a tour package designed to take us to some popular sites outside of the city. We quickly realized we had been sorted into a large bus tour in which we would not have much flexibility, plus, we would be at risk of missing our dinner reservation back in the city that night.
Jeff went to work. He WhatsApp’d the owner of the AirBnB we were staying at whose relative was a taxi driver. He connected with the driver, and within a few minutes, Jeff had arranged an extraction of sorts: Alfonso the driver would pick us up in the textile town of Teotitlán, then drive us to Hierve el Agua and bring us back to the city later that afternoon. Jeff calculated what the price would be against what we had paid for the tour package and stated we would still save time and money.
And we did. We had our own driver and loads more time to catch up one-on-one. We arrived back in the city that afternoon with enough time for an afternoon siesta. Later that night, we dined at one of Oaxaca City’s finest restaurants, a place Jeff had reserved a week ahead of time.
On the family front, Jeff has also set an example. He’s taught his son to value human connection and real experiences. He continues to encourage his daughter to fill her time with crafts, not screens. Jeff’s wife is just as motivated and hard-working as he is. In fact, he’s encouraging her to start her own business, the way has successfully done.
The question he continues to ask himself and others: “If you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?”
Friends like Jeff are not only great to have, they are a requirement. They are reminders of how we might live to the best of our abilities. They propel us to push beyond ourselves and to challenge the ordinary by aiming for the extraordinary as often as we can.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Unsplash
