“True harmony and peace requires a balance between the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine”
Last week I published an article about lessons men can learn from a broken heart. In the Good Men Project Facebook feed, one woman quipped, “You mean men have hearts.” Three other women “liked” this comment and one replied, “Dying breed still do. Not many, sorry, I’m old, I live this every day.”
On a recent GMP conference call JJ Vincent and I discussed shame. Guilty is what we feel when we recognize that we have done something wrong; shame is when we feel that we are wrong—that we are bad in our core. Something along the lines of not having a heart.
I once had a woman psychologist tell me, “You just don’t have any empathy, and I’m not sure that is something that you can get.” This woman, who had a Ph.D. in psychology, was telling me that I was bad in my core and there was nothing I could do about it.
Fortunately, neuroscience and neuroplasticity prove that not only is change possible, but that we can actually alter the structures in our brain by how we think and act.
As a weekly writer for the Good Men Project, I see men bear their hearts every week—and watch them get shamed, attacked, or ridiculed in comments, Facebook feeds, or related articles. And this is at GMP, a supposed safe space for men to have the conversations that no one else is having.
I just watched David Fincher’s new film, Gone Girl, where men are immediately viewed by the media and society at large as murderers, rapists, sodomites, and kidnappers. A similar thing happened in real life with the Rolling Stone article about rape on college campuses and the Duke University Lacrosse incident.
I’m not ignoring thousands of years of patriarchy where men have abused, raped, shamed, ridiculed, controlled, and silenced women. I’m also aware of the injustices and abuses happening right here, right now to women across the globe. My heart aches when I hear stories about bus rapes in India or hundreds of missing women in Islamic countries. Closer to home, I know how dangerous it is just to be a woman on a college campus. Or how difficult it can be for women working professionals as evidenced by Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In movement.
But in my eyes, the tides are changing. The Divine Feminine is re-emerging to claim its rightful place in society as seen by the megahit Frozen, female political figures like Hillary Clinton and Aung San Suu Kyi, and perhaps the most popular guru in our times, Amma.
Yes, there are plenty of guilty men out there who have done horrible things to women, the environment, other men, and children, but men are not bad. We are divine. I write about the Divine Masculine because it is what I know, and I realize that true harmony and peace requires a balance between the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine.
Like Mother Teresa, I try to look in the eyes of everyone I meet and see their divinity: “I see Jesus in every human being. I say to myself, this is hungry Jesus, I must feed him. This is sick Jesus. This one has leprosy or gangrene; I must wash him and tend to him.”
I’m asking others to follow suit. If a man, even a guilty man, bears his heart and soul, look deep into this heart and see the divinity within.
If you still think men are bad to the bone, I’d like to share something that happened a few days ago. Last night I dropped my sons off at their mother’s place.
“Daddy won’t see you until Tuesday. Think about me this weekend,” I whispered into 5 year old Fox’s ear as I hugged him goodbye.
“Ok, Daddy. Maybe I’ll buy you something this Saturday,” said Fox as he ascended the stairs.
“It’s ok, Fox. Daddy doesn’t need anything that you can buy,” I said.
“No…maybe I’ll buy you a book on compassion,” replied Fox with a half-smile.
Lots of heart there. Hope he can continue expressing his love and compassion when he gets older to prove to the world that men have hearts.