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Alpha Beta: What?
While I actually have never had someone introduce themselves to me as an “Alpha Male” it’s been made clear that this is the idea of a “Real” man. The type of man you want to be (if you’re a straight, cisgendered guy, that is), the guy the women love. Along with other patriarchal, heteronormative assumptions.
We so often struggle with allowing people to just be without classifying them, that, of course, if there was an Alpha Male there needs to be its opposite: a Beta Male.
My issue with all of this is that it leads us once again into the trap of the Binary and this particular binary has a hierarchy. One of these is considered more desirable (I’ll let you guess which is which.)
What Are These Classifications?
The Alpha, like the letter A, is the first. It’s the highest in the order if we’re ranking things. It embodies strength and dominance. It’s the leader. The biggest, baddest in the group. Some people like to look at the animal kingdom and after observing that hierarchy they searched for that in groups of people. And groups often have leaders. Cliques. Offices.
Classrooms. Families. Often there is a “Head” and they’re considered the Alpha. And there’s usually only room for one.
The Beta gets put in the opposite role. They’re the follower or the one who takes orders. They get bossed around by the Alpha.
These are simplistic definitions, but I think the idea of Alpha/Beta Males is simplistic and unfortunate. Like most binaries are.
Also because these are not complementary roles. I had been asked once to write an article called something like, “Why it’s ok to be a beta male” and I thought, that’s precisely the wrong idea. Of course, this was coming from an ultra-Alpha Male site and they could only define Being a Man in one way: the Alpha way. While they may make accommodations for someone who isn’t loud, doesn’t take charge, or is always in control, they don’t consider the “Beta” males to be equal.
People who ascribe to the Alpha Beta binary understand that there is a hierarchy and not only does the Alpha outrank the Beta, the Alpha has a lot of contempt for the Beta. The Beta gets what the Alpha doesn’t want anymore. It defines a Man as the person who gets paid the most, is the strongest, and has the most sex with the most attractive women.
It’s heteronormative and white supremacist in that there is a Norm and there is a Way and if you don’t follow it, you may be “ok” but you’re not a Real Man.
Sounds toxic, doesn’t it? The Alpha Male is not just the embodiment of Toxic Masculinity, but it’s the fulfillment of the patriarchal model.
And it’s limiting. And it’s so stifling.
Yes, it’s that to women and certainly oppresses women, but also to men. All men, not just the poorly defined Beta Men. The pressure of needing to be Alpha, the disdain for the Beta characteristics. It hurts us all. It limits us all.
It hurts women and the LGBTQ community more because when the Alpha ego is at risk, look out anyone who isn’t a Straight White Male, but it hurts straight men incredibly as well.
Men die by suicide four times the rate of women.
Men’s unexpressed emotions get turned into physical discomfort and the stress of holding back those vulnerability hurts our bodies.
Men’s lack of connection to our innate nurturing ability robs us of connecting with our children and partners in deeper ways.
So stop trying to be Alpha and live up to a dominant model that may literally be killing you. Stop looking at yourself as Beta. Just figure out who you are and who you want to be for yourself and the people you love.
Sounds so simple…
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Photo credit: Pixabay