Am I a Rebound to a Widower?

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

I have met a really terrific guy. He is a widower. His wife passed away one year ago, a year after being diagnosed with an illness. His grieving process started well before the end. He thinks he’s ready to start dating.

I don’t want to be just the rebound. How early is too soon? And should I assume we should take it very slowly before sex?

I really don’t want him to cry after (or God forbid) DURING sex.

Judy B.

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Hey Judy,

No one wants to be a rebound, and as annoying as this is, there’s no way to predict how things will unfold.

Some daters dive into a relationship and then bounce right out after they’ve hit something deep, while others have staying power.

Watch to see what he’s generating.

Is he planning dates and courting you?

Does he seem to have plenty of heart, energy, and undivided attention to give?

Everyone’s grieving process is different, and it’s not for you to decide what he’s ready for. You can’t predict his needs or know his emotional state. Neither of you can know how he’ll respond after sex the first time. Scary, right?

So whether you dive in or go slow, anything you decide to do together should come from a place of authenticity, not strategy.

Trying to use a game plan to get it right will most likely have you get it wrong.

Do what feels right for both of you, and remember, love is risky.

Now since it sounds like you’re willing to take this risk, let’s play the odds. Statistically, men marry and/or couple much quicker than women do after a loss of a spouse. They don’t like to be alone, and they appreciate the team effort it takes to make their lives happen. And if their marriage was a good one, they want that for their life again — without delay.

Wishing you two all the best, and my fingers and toes are crossed.

. . . .

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Wendy Newman is the author of 121 First Dates. She’s a dating, sex, and relationship expert who’s led hundreds of workshops and revolutionized the lives of over 80,000+ people internationally. For tools and advice, visit wendyspeaks.com

Want a happy relationship for the long haul? Grab Wendy’s DIY Relationship Workshop, Happy in Love.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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