One man wonders where he stands with a woman who calls him late at night for pillow talk.
Dear Sexes: A girl friend of mine often calls me late night, and chats with me (both drunk AND sober) until she falls asleep in her bed. I’ll admit, I talk back, and I like talking to her, but somehow this talking before she falls asleep seems kind of intimate to me (even if I’m not in the bed next to her, and even if there’s no phone sex involved—I’m the last voice she hears before she hits dreamland). What does this behavior mean? Should I be flattered? Worried? Should I turn my phone off late night? Or should I move in for the kill?
She Said: Imagine a girl you could have naked in your bed every night, but just for that half an hour before you fall asleep. No obligations, no ties, no expectations. You can easily recognize that you’d be using that girl, right?
Well, she’s doing that to you. She’s booty-calling you! For lots of girls, bonding and communicating with a guy leaves us with the same afterglow and peace that having sex does for a guy. It’s euphoric. This girl is drifting off to sleep feeling loved.
But I’ve found that if I’m really interested in a guy, I wake up in the morning dying to hear what he’s going to say. Every time I look at my phone, I get excited thinking about his voice. And when you feel like that, you just can’t wait until bedtime.
If she’s also communicating with you throughout the day, then maybe she’s not using you, maybe she’s just apprehensive about making the step into “more than friends” territory. So be honest, tell her you want more. If she doesn’t want more, then cut her off. Save that intimate time for someone you can truly be intimate with.
He Said: How many “friends” do you chat with while falling asleep in your own bed? The only people you should be regularly talking with, under those circumstances, are your boyfriend, your girlfriend, or your sex friend. And just so we’re clear, those people should be IN your bed while you’re talking to them.
This girl likes you. And she’s insecure (or scared). She doesn’t have a real-life boyfriend right? So you’re the substitute. Girls fall in love through conversation. Your “friend” is getting high off your words, without having to risk rejection in the flesh. So yes, be flattered if you like. But be warned. You’re the SUBSTITUTE teacher. You’ve got the gig for the time being, but eventually the real teacher comes back, and you’ll be forgotten, and pushed aside. Stop running up your cell phone minutes. Start hanging out with a girl who likes you (and herself) enough to share her bed (and not just her voice) with you.
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Originally appeared at SheSaidHeSaid.
—Photo Alpenas Imagens/Flickr