Am I Afraid to Fail?

I went to the store last night (shocking). We needed coffee (because back-to-school isn’t for another month and my life with two kids and no coffee is not good for my mental health) La Croix was on sale and I got some green beans to go with the Teriyaki Chicken and rice I made for dinner. The grand total was $11. Technically, I paid for everything myself.

I checked the bank account before heading to the store and saw a $13 deposit from Stripe. I thought for sure there had been a mistake. — Or it was a $13 withdrawal because my stories sucked so much that they were retracting the $12 I made in June, plus another dollar to make a point.

Sure as shit, I was up $13 dollars and didn’t know how it happened. In June, I focused hard on writing. After pouring my little heart out, I was disappointed to see that I only had $12 to show for it. I was so disappointed in myself that I said screw it and published No More Locked Stories.

I tried locking stories for ONE month, then quit. Why am I not trying harder to earn a few bucks on here? Really, what have I got to lose?

What’s stopping me?

Me. I’m stopping me. I saw that $13 in my checking account and thought, what the fuck am I doing with my life!? Am I afraid to fail so I don’t even try? Or am I afraid to commit to doing the hard work because I might actually succeed and be good at something?

I gave up too soon. I was not raised to be a quitter.

A wave of confidence crashed over me while I was paying for my stuff at the store. It has been so long since I’ve paid for anything with my own money that I forget how deeply connected it is to my self-worth.

Until I have more than a few kid-less hours to work or someone offers to babysit my kids 5 days a week, I might as well give this writing gig a shot.

Let’s. do. this.

Who’s with me!?

Thank you for listening. ❤

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Previously published on medium

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