Answering the Ultimate Question: When Should You Get Married?

I was always good at academics. I started working and earning my own money right after college. I single-handedly started and managed my homestay and ran it successfully while doing a full-time job.

I am healthy, fitter than I’ve ever been, happier, and getting to spend so much time with family, have found my calling in life and making a good living to live a luxurious life.

But none of that matters anymore as I’m 28 and unmarried, so clearly, I’m unfulfilled. Many of us still treat marriage as the goal of our life, like we won’t be truly happy until and unless we find our soul mate. The pressure from people, society peers even, when you reach your late 20s and worst 30s is enormous, especially in India.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against the idea of marriage, you found someone you are ready to share the rest of your life with and want to make it official, I am happy for you. And I would also get married ONLY when I find a good enough reason to, not because I am of the so-called “marriageable age”.

In my argument, marriage, like education or a career, is just a part of life and not your entire life. You create your own happiness. Marrying someone will only add to your existing happy world.

So this Article is my defence argument for all the reasons people give me as to why being married is so important. If you disagree and can build a stronger argument for why marriage is the ultimate goal, I’d be happy to walk down the aisle.

1) You’ll be happier with a Soul Mate

And I need to sign a contract to prove it?

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

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If I love someone selflessly, want to wake up with them every morning and have created and planned our whole life together, do I need to put it on paper?

Monogamy may seem central to marriage now, but in fact, polygamy was common throughout history.

From Jacob to Kings David and Solomon, Biblical men often had anywhere from two to thousands of wives.In fact, Rutgers anthropologist Robin Fox has estimated that the majority of all marriages throughout history were between first and second cousins. https://www.livescience.com/37777-history-of-marriage.html

Love wasn’t the reason two people got married and it was seen as a strategic alliance between families, with the youngsters often having no say in the matter.

Real happiness comes NOT from getting married, but from having a successful relationship for the rest of your life.

Marriages fail so often and so many people never get out of an unhappy marriage even if they want to. It is easier to get married but difficult to stay happily married for your entire life. It is about willingly shouldering all responsibilities and witnessing the good and bad days together, which does not get easier with or without a contract. Marriages only guarantee a partner for life, on paper, not happiness. I’d rather be in a happy relationship, than an unhappy marriage.

2) You’d Crave Companionship when you’re older

Can I NOT rely on my family, friends, colleagues, pets, or adopted children for companionship? Also, If I need it when I’m old, why marry now?

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

I’m at a stage in my life where I’m discovering and rediscovering my passion and purpose in life and am only focused on hustling and making my dream life a reality. I don’t intend to take out time for new relationships, distractions, and complications.

I have a supportive family, encouraging friends and a great network of like-minded people and I do not feel any piece missing in my life. I might crave companionship later and then I hopefully will find someone, I’m willing to “settle with”, but why to look for someone now with the fear that I’ll be alone in an unpredictable future.

And what if I never crave companionship, or fall in love? Why do I marry then?
I’ve never heard things like when you want to marry, they won’t be anyone willing you marry you.
So, I marry someone now for companionship, but what if I fall in love with someone later. Is that not wrong?

3) You need to have a family of your Own

And Family and Marriage are synonymous?

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

The first recorded evidence of marriage contracts and ceremonies dates to 4,000 years ago, in Mesopotamia. In the ancient world, marriage served primarily as a means of preserving power, with kings and other members of the ruling class marrying off daughters to forge alliances, acquire land, and produce legitimate heirs.

“If love could grow out of it, that was wonderful,” said Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History. “

https://theweek.com/articles/475141/how-marriage-changed-over-centuries

From a strategic alliance with suppressed women to a relationship with love, mutual sexual attraction, equality and a flexible division of labour, marriage has evolved and so has the definition of family.

Gay marriages, adoption, contraception, and the divorce option have given us control of the kind of families we want to raise and increased acceptance of modern and blended families.

Marriage is no longer the first step to starting a family. A single mother could adopt a kid and have a family, 2 unmarried lesbians and a dog is a family, a married couple with no children, and also a family. All that matters is that you love, respect trust and enjoy spending the rest of your life with those in your life.

Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash

In the 21st century, you are free to choose whatever you want.

My mantra: Be open to love, look for happiness within you before you look for it elsewhere, find your purpose and work towards a goal and let not society, age or traditions put pressure on you.

Where am I going wrong?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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