There are 21 million people in the USA who are addicted to either a substance or a behavior. The impact of addiction on the US economy is a staggering $600B. And then there is the impact it has on our everyday interactions with each other.
Addiction is most often associated with alcohol or drugs in terms of a substance, and with gambling or eating with respect to a behavior.
It occurred to me recently, while observing some of the ways that we talk about the current social injustice challenges that we might be addicted to words. More specifically words that describe others, adjectives.
I see a connection to addiction when we descriptors are embedded in our talks with other people. We use them habitually without any awareness of their potentially harmful and negative impact on other people.
Words have a power inherent to them based on social constructs; words have a way of evoking an emotional response that might range from acceptable to unacceptable.
There seems to be a correlation between some of the highly charged words that we use and the level of outrage that follows in the reactions of other people.
When we hear the words man or woman, we have a certain paradigm that drives our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in response or reaction to the word. Those paradigms and our experiences shape how we talk about a man or a woman and more often than not lead to using some descriptive words.
When we add a descriptive word to man or woman, we increase the potential for engaging more biases and bigotry. When we describe a man or a woman as black, white, brown, poor, rich, educated, or successful; we add an opportunity to find more thoughts and feelings about that person. Talking about a man or woman with these descriptive words now brings up more opinions that may be supportive or destructive.
As a man who is white, gay, and an elder; I experience people reacting to me more based on the adjectives than who I am at the core-a man.
Each of the words that is used to describe me brings with them the potential for bias and bigotry. White men are generally, fill in the blank. Gay men tend to, fill in the blank. And elderly men are more apt to, fill in the blank. How did you fill in the blanks?
How might you identify yourself at the core, a man, a woman, or non-binary? What descriptions would you add to who you are at the core? What do you expect to experience when you add those descriptors?
The addiction to descriptive words comes into play when we don’t have anything to replace them within our conversations.
Are we conscious that we are embellishing what we say with adjectives?
Are we doing it out of habit without any awareness of their impact on our conversation?
Are we so insecure about ourselves that we have to use words to describe others that might put them down?
I am familiar with the concept of addiction as it shows up in my life and the lives of so many people I love and adore. As a result of attending 12-step meetings regularly in my 30s and 40s, I learned that the first step is all about awareness.
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over xxxxx – that our lives had become unmanageable.
For me, the unmanageable happens when I use descriptive words that distance and separate me from others. I see how adjectives impact the current divides with respect to so many of the current topics on social media and in mainstream media.
When I hold myself accountable to refer to others with words that describe who they are at the core, and not the additional ones that might be highly charged; I can experience more peace in my conversations.
Language and words have been a passion of mine throughout my life. Whenever I look at my 3rd grade report card from 196X, I take great pride in my grade in Vocabulary-93. I attribute this to my mom, who communicated with me as a child using her adult vocabulary. One example that has stuck with me all of these years is; I knew the word procrastination in elementary school before I knew the phrase dilly dally.
During these highly volatile times with so much inflammatory language, it occurred to me that I might make a difference with being more mindful of the words I choose to describe other people.
How might you use adjectives to build up conversations with other people versus create more separation and divisiveness?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
-Margaret Mead
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