Are They the Right One?

You may start liking someone or already have a huge crush but you have not made your first move yet. Their first impression attracted you a lot. You are amenable to doing it but you do not want to rush. You know what exactly you need to do and what exactly you want.

Your past relationships have caused you a lot of trouble. You are more careful than before and will not let your guard down and let others use you for their advantage. This is the time where you are your first priority, it is about not being selfish, it is about self-love.

What you need to do is to make your move. Start a casual talk to get familiar with them by asking about their hobbies, interest, studies, music taste or their favourite soccer team. It can be anything that may drive some interest. You just need to show some interest in them. Hopefully, they will show it back. That is how a decent conversation starts.

You need to observe if they are showing the same interest as you or are they just answering your random questions. You can ask them to go for lunch or just grab a coffee someday. Show open body language. Ask about their past relationships and what are the things they learnt from them. Talk about life. What do they think of the word “Relationship”? After spending a few days or weeks if you feel like keeping going, it is time to ask yourself and them two questions.

What do you think of them?

Do you really want to continue?

What do they think of you?

Do they really want the continue?

If they put the same energy into talking to you. Go ahead. It is time to know about their belief and mindsets. Understanding each other mindsets is really important. You do it by spending time together more often and listening to each other’s opinions on various subjects. Some questions might sound a little weird but that does not matter much in fact, what really matters is how they react to them, you will observe if you both are positively able to have a deep conversation or not and how well you both do it.

Going further, talk about some personal details, their emotional growth, beliefs, do you two have the same faith, if not then how will you work out? Talk about medical history, if there is any medical issue. Would it be concerned if the next generation has it? Talk about their future goals and plans, their financial expectations and where do they see themselves in the next five years?

Some questions you might want to ask them regarding yourself for better understanding.

Is there anything they want you to be more sensitive about?

Is there something you have helped them overcome yet?

How can you become better for their mental health?

Now if you are at the stage where you both are going to have sex, you can have a talk about the idea of great sex. Everyone has different sexual preferences and fixations. If your partner looks alarmed at having a sex discussion then you can assume that they are a conservative lover. Acknowledge if any sexual trauma has lifted the head. You should know about the likes and dislikes of each other.

Eventually, while all this time of knowing about each other, you have built a secure bond with them. You understand them much better now. You don’t feel weird about asking questions anymore. You are more comfortable, more confident, and happier to have them by your side now. You are drawn to them in all ways you desired. That is the time where you leave the past behind and look forward to starting your life with a new person. Maybe they are what you always wanted and you always needed.

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”-unknown

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Previously Published on medium

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