In the past, whenever I would see a woman that I was interested in, I would act nervous whenever she was around, worried that I would say something stupid or, even worse, not speak to her at all. I would create all types of visuals in my head where I would work up the courage to ask her for her number. But I never actually did ask her anything. And if another guy asked her out and she said yes, I would feel devastated and furious with myself for not approaching her.
I felt like a fearful loser, which became a self-fulfilling prophecy every time I was interested in approaching a woman that caught my eye – and that often caused me to end up allowing myself to be put in the friend zone (if I managed to approach her at all).
If you can relate to the way I used to feel, I have some good news for you;
You don’t have to feel this way!
You don’t have to let shyness interrupt your ability to have a healthy and successful dating life. All those guys you notice that are confident, appealing and fun, you CAN measure up against them. Your shyness (read: lack of confidence) is something that can be worked on.
My advice for getting over your tepidness with women, focus your attention away from meeting women and put it towards bettering yourself and developing confidence.
In the past whenever I would tell one of my guy friends that I was nervous around women their advice went something like this, “just go up to her and say hello. Saying anything is better than saying nothing.”
News flash to all guys who have ever said something like that (or something similar) to a shy person, telling someone who is timid to just start a conversation with a woman is like expecting a person with no flying experience to fly a commercial airliner across the country.
If I wanted to fly a plane and someone says to me “just hop in the cockpit and takeoff” even though they knew beforehand that I had no prior flying experience, if you ask me, that has all the makings for a horrible accident.
Instead of taking their advice, take mine and work on building up your confidence. The reason I couldn’t motivate myself to approach a woman in the past is because I had horrible social skills. Starting a conversation with a woman and demonstrating an interest in her are two diverse things. If I lacked the social skills to make small talk with her, how was I ever going to ask her out on a date?
I used to be the shy nervous type. However, I didn’t one day wake up with the courage to approach women. Instead, I focused all my attention on bettering myself. Learning new skills, stepping outside of my comfort zone, and pushing myself to stay active and workout has done so much for me. Recently, one of my friends asked me “how is it, everywhere I go, I manage to make small talk with someone?” The truth is, it happened naturally as my confidence level went up.
My point is, if you point your attention towards being the man you want to be, it will be easier to see value in yourself. And, once you start to notice your worth, you will overcome your shyness with women.
Lastly, I want to end this article by giving you some advice on how to approach women once your confidence starts to rise.
Approach her no matter what!
The best way to do that is by thinking about how you will feel if you don’t approach her. As strange as this might sound, not approaching the woman that caught your eye is worse then getting rejected.
Think about it. If she says she isn’t interested, it will sting for a little bit, but eventually, you will get over it. On the other hand, if you don’t approach her, you will carry the thought of wondering “what if I did and she said yes” with you for the rest of the day.
A version of this post was published on BlogWithDarnell and is republished with the author’s permission.