Avoid Mom Burnout in 4 Simple Steps

To say the collective mental wellbeing of the entire world is suffering would be a gross misrepresentation of the current state. I mean, yes. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and we are finally really starting to believe that it’s not an oncoming train. But…

The insane pandemic, racial-reckoning, wild-west political landscape, absolute mind- and life-shift rollercoaster ride we’ve been on the last year has been dizzying to say the least. And it’s going to take some time to feel centered and firmly planted again.

If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, tired, and guilt-ridden in your role as a pre- mid- and eventually post-pandemic mom, good gravy sister, you are definitely not alone. Misery loves her some company and you’ve got that in spades on this topic.

But I come bearing news. The good news is, you can feel less stressed, overwhelmed, tired, and guilt-ridden in your motherhood. The bad news is, it might be your own damn fault you aren’t already there.

Hear me out.

Stress and overwhelm and anxiety and guilt are definitely commonly-called plays on the field of motherhood. I think it’s fair to say we all experience them. However, if we leave them alone doing their damage without any intervention on our part, we leave ourselves open to invite full on burnout into our mothering life, which is a beast far more difficult to beat back.

We have all heard more about this thing called burnout. We get that it’s a bad thing and we would generally like to avoid it. But before we can do that, we need to have a good grasp on what it actually means.

Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay

What is Burnout, Exactly?

The best definition of burnout I have seen was included in the very timely 2019 book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, authored by sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA. They write, “We all have an intuitive sense of what “burnout” is; we know how it feels in our bodies and how our emotions crumble in the grip of it.”

But when does run-of-the-mill stress and overwhelm blossom into burnout? For that, the authors pointed to the original description from Herbert Freudenberger, who coined the term way back in 1975.

Burnout is defined by three components:

emotional exhaustion–the fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long;

depersonalization–the depletion of empathy, caring, and compassion; and

decreased sense of accomplishment–an unconquerable sense of futility: the feeling that nothing you do makes any difference

Parents are experiencing burnout at super high rates, primarily driven by that first component: emotional exhuastion. This is the heavy, burdensome, tiring work that is going on inside our heads ALL THE TIME as parents.

It’s the mental load of parenting that is pushing us to burnout. And let’s face it: the mental load isn’t going anywhere. What’s a mom to do? It’s simple.

Avoid Burnout in 4 Simple Steps

1. Take
2. Care
3. of
4. Yourself

I know, a bit misleading. I said it would be simple, not that it would be easy.

Image by Jess Bailey from Pixabay

Self Care is the Way to Refuel Your Emotional Tank

What can we do to reduce our mental load, stave off emotional exhaustion, and avoid burnout? You may be tired of hearing it, but the answer is self care. Moms care. We care about too much for too long without aiming some of that care towards ourselves and eventually, we can’t care. Our once brightly-burning light sizzles and hisses until it’s dark.

I know, I know. You don’t have time. It makes you feel guilty. You might even think self care is selfish. I know I did, for a solid five years of my motherhood. But a very good therapist made me realize that I had it completely wrong.

Self care is not selfish. It is an imperative that gives you the space, energy, and capacity to selflessly care for others. If you don’t start taking ownership of your self care, the caring of others is going to start owning you.

Self Care Looks Different For Every Self

We each have to decide what kinds of activities refill our internal buckets and make us better equipped to handle the relentless demands of parenting. For me, it looks like daily walks outside, cardio exercise about 4 times a week, yoga for about 20 minutes 5 days a week, and a 10-minute seated meditation 3–5 times a week. Also, I get 9 hours of sleep most nights because that is how much I need to feel fully restored when I awake.

It also looks like taking a long shower while I let the kids veg out in front of the TV, ordering in when I just can’t stand the thought of cooking, and leaving the dishes in the sink for tomorrow sometimes with ZERO GUILT about any of those choices. (Admittedly, the guilt part is HARD and requires lots of practice and reinforcement.)

Self Care is For You and You Alone

Sometimes we power moms think that just because we are not directly responsible for our kids for a hot minute, that means we are taking care of ourselves. Not so. If your partner takes the kids on a Saturday and you use that time to wash dishes or clean the bathrooms or pay the bills or whatever tasks are mounting up that you can’t get done, that is NOT self care.

Self care is any activity that you do for you and you alone. It brings you joy, clears your mind, improves your health, and makes you feel better. And guess what? By doing these things, you will also be able to be more joyful, more present, more vibrant, and more energetic with those kids who you would give anything for.

Self care, in this way, is 100% selfless. So take that, mom guilt! Do it for YOU so you can keep doing everything for THEM.

Let’s Get Relational! Share your favorite self care activity in the comments.

—

This post was previously published on Medium.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything