Be Different — It Improves Your Dating Experiences

Single people behave like bad dates are a rite of passage.

“The bad ones make you appreciate the pleasant ones.”

“How will you know a date went well if you never been on a terrible one?”

If you want another opinion, keep reading.

Let’s trash some traditional dating advice.

Typical dating advice leaves you wondering what’s wrong with me.

Let’s be honest. No one wants to admit they tried it all before and failed.

Relationship coaches teach you to be someone else because they aren’t therapists. They sometimes help you mask your red flags. Why? Because they know the green flags; you need for a relationship.

Patterns are easy. Follow a formula, and the desired result is automatic.

Many people who are looking for a partner try many new things. Rather than double down on who they are as a person. Food lovers know the best eateries. Field experts know their industry.

Accountants have interesting facts about taxes. Movie enthusiasts know surprising details about their favorite genre. A great first date isn’t about the question, “How can I make them like me?” It’s about the question, “Can I represent who I am now as a person, well?”

Many people want to be someone they cannot even be for themselves. They want to pretend they are hot, worldly, and fit. Then, wonder why they are single again soon.

Represent yourself well. Talk about your passions — find commonalities. If you want lasting love, be who you are right now. Then grow in the relationship.

Truths build lasting relationships.

Awkward silences allow you to notice wrong choices.

We have learned to dread silence.

It helps to lean into these moments. If not ignored, your true thoughts come to light. It gives you a chance to make better decisions next time.

In the long-run, you can’t force someone to be the right person for you.

As the silence or disagreements get louder, even your inner critic realizes you are not only at fault. It’s them. It’s who you become and what you tolerate in their presence. So if you cannot have healthy, quiet moments or arguments, cut your losses early.

Protect your peace. Then, find someone who respects the strings, keeping your mental health intact.

Numbers are forgettable.

You may not even like basic arithmetic. So, why are you keeping score?

Some dates die before they have time to begin.

The setup is typical. Your love interest doesn’t have the energy for this situation again and ghosts you. May I say it? Every date does not have to revolve around food.

Get creative. I wrote about creativity here:

Emotions make an experience. Picture this. You like an actress or actor in a movie. What’s next in your search history? The actor’s name. Soon you’re watching shows featuring them without glancing at the trailer.

We like people who make us feel good, happy, or excited.

Stuck choosing a date venue? Use feelings as a guideline to allow yourself to create an experience — especially a memorable one.

When you focus on creating pleasant emotional experiences, tiny details matter. And it’s easier to appreciate the effort of wait staff. Emotional connection makes dating progress happen naturally.

Give yourself a chance at a good start.

If you hope for wonderful dating experiences, build a library of talking points.

I made a habit of learning the trivial. It made for silence. And lots of smiles to keep the mood light.

Avoid my past reality. While texting, skip the questions about their date of birth, schools, and parents. Ask about passion, hobbies, occupation, and goals.

Broad topics with defined areas give you plenty to talk about and form a connection.

It’s common to want to know someone’s past. But many people lie about their history. So, allow your partner to open up at the part of their life where they are most comfortable. When comfort and trust get established, they will share more details about themselves.

Brand your experience to be unforgettable.

I used to think you could control the narrative. I thought about every move. This approach led me to believe I was creating a pleasant experience for the other person. When I was only doing what I thought best.

One less cringe = fewer nightmares. Right?

For you, a definite yes. For your romantic interest, it might be a yes or no.

Instead, listen to the body language of your romantic interest. If you cannot read it, smile at your date. Then, watch how your partner responds.

When something sparks good feedback, do it often for them to remember you by this quality.

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Previously Published on medium

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