Even in our insecurities, we can find beauty within ourselves. An inspiring piece by Talisa.
We want to succeed, and we all have different definitions of success.
We feel the pressure as soon as we can comprehend it. The schooling system with everything marked, graded, reported back to our parents on, the sports carnival, all the running, jumping, ribbons and ranking. All making us feel less of a human for not winning in some way. A sense of shame washes over and over us as we fall short of these constant reinforced ‘success’ factors throughout out life.
As life goes on it moves to the cars people drive, the house, the lifestyle and your job.
Constantly defined by the shallow outward appearance, when we all know better, but yet it continues. And when we do get a win, we focus on our faults and self-criticize.
Men almost get this two-fold with the stereotype surrounding them of providing, caring for, and keeping their families safe, are to name but a few. On top of this they may have also gone through an upbringing where words are spoken such as ‘take it like a man’ and ‘men don’t cry’.
These stereotypes play on the mind encouraging emotions to be kept in and not be spoken of creating a fear of appearing ‘vulnerable’. I was working through this thought when I asked my male friends about how they dealt with feeling vulnerable. One asked me to define vulnerable and anther replied quickly with the work ‘weak’.
It really hit home to hear that quick response. I queried the term ‘weak’ in this setting and it was noted that wasn’t quite right. It was dissected; they noted how if a baby lamb is weak it is vulnerable. Yes we agreed on this, but teased it out until we go it down to that it is more so, that you are vulnerable if you are weak, but not weak because you are vulnerable. But it was there, society’s impact, in the beauty of this first honest, quick answer of what first can come to mind, ‘weakness’.
We want to set ourselves up for success, and in acting intuitively, like the quick response can unknowingly keep up with the stereotype.
But I think all agree, when you truly see someone, when they open up, when they become vulnerable with you, you want to be there, care for, love and help them.
Especially when a woman sees this in a man. That is when you will truly melt her heart. When you can put all that stuff aside and let her in. That is when you will capture her. She is a nurturer and this will hit core instincts in her. Just as protection instincts kick in for a man when they see their partner vulnerable.
It is just finding the right place, the right time, the right words — all of which isn’t easy. But no attempt will go unnoticed. No true friend will turn away.
Being vulnerable is beautiful. It is sincere, honest and nothing to be ashamed of. It is the making of a gentleman. It makes men, men.
Photo credit: Hamed Masoumi/flickr