Adam Martin on why society can’t seem to accept bisexual men.
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Pride is, sometimes, a quiet thing. Sometimes, it is a thing that is quieted.
In a recent article in the New York Times, the message reads that bisexuality amongst men is perhaps closeted for the same reason homosexuality is, but with scrutiny coming from both gay and straight communities, where biphobic attitudes contribute to the perception of bisexuality being ‘just a phase’ or ‘greedy’. In the article, English Olympic diver Tom Daley is branded and rebranded as his sexual orientation comes under public scrutiny. What this reveals is that in the same way we as a culture struggle with allowing men a spectrum of emotional expressions, there is also a narrowness which exists in how we permit men to self-identify sexually.
Throughout media today, just as there is a binary which rigidifies masculinity and femininity, there stands a distinctive rift between sexual orientations which men may not occupy. Biphobia comes at men on both sides from the tenets of patriarchal tradition; there are claims that women will find a bisexual man ‘unmanly’ and gay men will find them ‘phony’. This produces a sense of anxiety which stifles pride and honest expressions of the full range of bisexual desire, both in and outside of a romantic relationship.
Like any other man, bisexual men want to be able to accurately and freely express themselves. When faced with this skepticism regarding their identity, they are effectively becoming limited in how they may express themselves. If they choose not to enter into a monogamous romantic partnership, then society accuses them of promiscuity; if they do, society then assumes this confirms them as either straight or gay. What this ultimately demonstrates is that our culture refuses to think outside of binary systems. Gay or straight, those who deny the existence of bisexuality in men do so because they measure others against their own experiences as if they were universal. The idea that someone may be sexually attracted to both genders (and, notably, everyone in between) without distinct preference simply does not compute. This is close-mindedness, plain and simple. Worse yet, those who actively try to misidentify bisexuals under a different sexual orientation for their own validation ignore the message they send: the experiences of the minority should be erased.
Bisexuality can be messy, it can be unsure at points, it is perhaps abstract—these are also what make it so exciting. For those who experience it, acknowledging bisexual desire allows one to see oneself honestly and to explore a depth of intimacy inside and outside of the gender boundaries society establishes. To try to deny or debunk bisexuality, to redefine bisexuals, is to try to refute the multiplicity of human experience. The fact that even modern science had to test and retest bisexual male erotic impulses to somehow legitimize them exposes culture’s active refusal to let men express themselves how they wish when it strays outside of traditional enclosures.
Where female bisexuality has been widely commoditized by culture, male bisexuality is repudiated by a homophobic system that demands a sort of ‘with us or against us’ version of masculinity. If we are to take down the walls which isolate men (and women) and demand they conform to standards, then the experiences of those who bridge the gaps of intimacy in many directions should not be discounted.
Credit—Photo/purplesherbet
“end Human bankruptcy”an idea whose time has come.
There has to be an Open and Honest Conversation among Men and Women to have “Bi” be whole and complete.